Way to the dark
by Catti666
Summary: Young Severus Snape set his feet to Hogwarts for first time. Whats gonna happen? This is my version of his story. Please give this a try. You can wait for an angsty story!
1. Chapter 1

Hey all! I own all of the text… that is not connected with Rowling's books so very little but I think you knew that, didn't you? If you didn't know… think twise before you start writing your own fic.

Now honestly, I'm reposting that chapter after a re-betareading by Denise! Thank you Denise for such a great job! This is telling how do I think Severus' youth might have gone, do give it a chance!

Chapter 1

Mr. Snape had driven off the moment Severus' legs had touched the ground, leaving the boy all alone with nothing but a sneer from his father and lovely parting words of, "Keep yourself out of trouble." Although The bony-looking, raven-haired young boy didn't really mind that at all, it was all too familiar for him already.

Severus searched his way to the right platform and looked curiously up at the tall pillar in front of him. He shook his head in disbelief and looked again at his ticket. Yep, there it was, right on his ticket, printed in black and white, "Platform 9 ¾" which was somewhere near as he was middle of the 9 and 10 Platforms in front of him. So he knew that he had to be in the right place, though he wasn't quite certain how to get in yet. He knew better than start looking around for any of the stupid Mulblood locomotive engineers as they wouldn't know anything about magical world, anyhow. However, he wouldn't have done it even if they knew anything about it. He knew that he mustn't be only one getting on the Hogwarts Express, so he decided to wait for a moment and look how others might be getting to the platform. Nothing happened for moment and his thought drifted to the past.

X X X

_Severus knew that his father had a magic background, but his father had never had a chance to go to a magic school, as his legal guardians were totally against magic and that was one of the reasons that he was embittered to the magical world. Severus' mother had had her education at Hogwarts, but she had died a long time ago when a crazy Muggle decided to steal her purse. Of course she wasn't as defenceless as the thief's victims usually were. Apparently there had had a fight and she tore the mask off as it was found in a few pieces. Only pieces of mask and her bleeding body was found when the help finally came. When Severus got to see her with his father she was lying down on the bed real pale looking and her upper body wrapped up. When he took his mother's hand, she had given it a weak squeeze, and a second later her hand went totally limp. The apparatus flashed and a bunch of people dashed in and took the two of them away from the room. They just stood there, outside her door for what seemed like hours. The boy was sobbing and his father was so far gone into his own head that he hardly realized what was happening around him. After some while a tired, frazzled looking doctor stepped out of the room hesitantly and asked them to come back inside. Severus already knew what had happened, but when he saw his mother lying so calmly and white… if her skin was pale a moment before it was now transparent. She was gone._

X X X

Since then, their family life had changed drastically. His father had become so depressed that he couldn't even take care of himself, let alone a six year old child. Even so, no one really took notice of how things were changing. His father had started to drink more, and spent most of his time drunk rather than sober. Severus was terrified of what his father was doing, but he never told anyone about it, and to be completely honest, no one even took the time to notice the subtle changes in Severus' behavior. Everything was 'fine' as long as everyone thought that it was.

Behind the mask, Severus had to deal with all of the hardships and difficulties associated with his situation. Because his father had been drinking all of their money away, they were almost always broke, and that was all other people ever could see. Some folks pitied him from a safe distance, and some used their "superiority" as an excuse to mock the small boy with hand- me-down clothes. Eventually, it got so bad that half of everyone he knew was mocking and teasing him constantly while the other half just forgot he even existed, too concerned for their own safety or just clueless as to what they were doing to him.

He grew up a loner in his Muggle school, and secretly, he bitterly thought of everyone he knew as Mudbloods or worse. These, these… _people_ took his mother from him for no apparent reason, and now they were trying to break him, or so he thought. He had decided that he would never let that happen. He would keep his distance and preserve his dignity at any cost.

Some years later, when he was nearly eleven, he got his letter from Hogwarts. Unfortunately, by that time his father had lost any of the love he once had had for his son, and told Severus that he was glad to be rid of him. Besides, his father could use more of the money for booze if he didn't have "the kid" hanging around.

Severus had to secretly collect his own money for his school supplies, and then hide it so that his father couldn't take it, but he had done this so many times that it came natural to him. As the start of school loomed closer ahead, he found himself getting increasingly excited about it. He was a little ashamed at his willingness to get away from his father, though. He had never really stopped loving his father, no matter how nasty and cruel he had gotten. Severus had just told himself his father was ill, and that it wasn't his father's fault. It was the damned Muggles that had killed his mother, and the more he thought about that, the more he hated them. It was their fault that his father was the way he was. Without really realizing it, he mentally transferred all of his father's faults to _all_ Muggles and Mudbloods—that wasn't his real father, that was what the Muggles had made him, and that was what the Muggles were like. He grew to hate everything that had to do with Muggles, including Mudbloods. And he let this hate fester so long that he could barely stand to look at any of them. He was much relived when the time arrived to leave for Hogwarts.

X X X

Finally, some others wizards and witches came and went through the stone wall near him. He tried to work up his nerve and prepare himself for the brand new experience, which he was sure would be better than what he had now; he'd make certain of it. Taking a deep shaky breath, Severus steadied his cart, and nervously ran at the wall. He had a brief moment of panic when he thought of not getting through, but then he was through to the other side.

At the same time, two other people were coming to the railroad station for their first time, as well. Two pure blood wizard boys saw how the young bony boy with the dirty clothes and greasy hair was looking around with curiosity, and the boys exchanged significant looks, smirking at one another. Maybe Hogwarts wouldn't be as boring as they thought.

Once Severus got on the train, he searched for an empty compartment and sighed, thinking about how things were going so far. He wasn't blind to the looks that people were giving him, and he knew they had already made their opinions about him and he _hated_ it. Looking around the empty compartment, he suddenly felt very alone (Oh, if he only knew the two lovely visitors that would be stopping by). Severus told himself to stop moping; he needed a plan. He would start completely over and everything would be different, as he had another chance. This was a new place with new people! A bunch of wizards and witches would be around him and……NO MUDBLOODS! He knew perfectly well how jealous his father was, and knew that he was lucky to even be here right now.

A loud rap at the door shook him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see the two boys that he had seen in the station come in.

"Sorry mate, everywhere else is full. May we come in?" The boy with the messy black hair asked with a grin. They entered and moved towards the bench across from Severus without waiting an answer.

Severus nodded, and studied the boys. This might be a chance to make friends, and he didn't want to ruin it! Both of the boys sat down on the bench and asked his name, telling him that they were Sirius Black and James Potter. He told them his name, and smiled at them shyly before asking if they were first years too. He got two nods and two hands as an answer as the boys reached out to shake his hand. The taller of the two, a handsome boy with long dark hair, tan skin, and a playful look in his eye took his hand firmly, pumping it up and down energetically, and not letting go. He was just about to pull his hand away when the shorter boy snatched Severus' bag and shoot out of the department. The second one, Black, as he would now be called, dropped his hand as if it was contaminated and dashed out after his friend.

Severus just sat there for a minute as if he had been stupefied. He was completely shocked as this was nothing what he would have expected.

Finally, he came to his senses and rushed out of the compartment. Then he stood there, thinking of what to do next. For a moment, he thought about going to all of the other compartments and looking for his bag, but when he walked up to the next compartment and raised his hand to knock, his newly-found courage and optimism failed him, and he dropped his hand and turned back around. He didn't notice the curious gaze of a redheaded girl in the compartment follow him as he walked away.

He withdrew back to his own compartment again and sat down on the bench, feeling supremely disappointed. Severus decided that he would go look for his bag once the train had stopped, and the compartments were emptied.

Severus had felt so hopeful just the moment before, and was planning a new beginning. He had been so stupid. He should have known better than to think that anything would be different here. Everyone had always thought he was a freak at his Muggle school, and he guessed it was true.

He couldn't believe that this place was seeming go the same way then before.At his Muggle school, there had always been something odd happening around him. His abilities usually had made him happy because he knew that he was the special one among them. Even so, he never told anyone about himself, and the things that would sometimes happen around him freaked other kids out. Back then, he would sometimes wish that he wasn't different.

X X X

_Even in his early school years, he had been the object of teasing and ridicule. People were already labelling him as a loner and as easy victim, but they had no real weapons against him. Then once, he had been locked in the toilet, hiding from the class bullies, classes were starting at school, andl he had done something that really gave them a ball. He was just sitting there in the stall, when suddenly the door burst open, flying through the room, straight at the mirror on the opposite wall. Both of his bullies turned white and ran out screaming, but Snape just gaped at sight in front of him. The glass from the mirrors had shattered, scattering around the room, and the broken toilet door was lying near the sink. He had carefully made his way out of the bathroom, trying to avoid the shards of glass. He then dashed away as quickly as he could, before someone came and saw what he did. _

_Over the next few days, he had waited for someone to come and accuse him of the mess in the bathroom, but nobody ever came. Most of the students eventually forgot about the destroyed bathroom, but the two boys that were bullying him didn't and neither did he; the boys wouldn't let him. They started tormenting him more frequently and harshly. They kept threatening him about what would happen if he told someone about the way they were treating him, but he never would have told anyway. _

Severus had a lot of pride, and he hated asking for help. He soon became a little ashamed of his abilities, and actually started to believe that those boys were right; he was a freak. He never thought this way for long, because he knew that he would much rather have magic then be a Muggle; he was special.

X X X

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that he had began crying quietly. Severus just sat there on the bench, hugging his legs while crying his bad feelings away. He couldn't even remember what his previous happy feelings of just an hour ago had felt like, because everything was the same as it had always been, and he had been foolish to think that it would ever change.

After about half an hour his tears had dried, leaving tracks down his face. He simply stared straight ahead, not really seeing anything, and occasionally he would shake himself out of his reverie long enough to check the clock. Finally, the train started to slow down as it neared the station, and Severus hurried out the door. He quickly recovered his composure, leaving no clue to suggest that he had just been crying his heart out. He took one last look around the train before walking out, peering into each empty compartment as he did so, and finally finding his bag stashed in the last one. It looked like someone had just thrown it in. Relief rushed through him as he hurried out of the train into the empty station.

Dashing out the door, he stumbled down the steps that led off of the train, and crashed head-on into something. A very tall something that caused him to fly back and land on the ground with a thump.

He looked up and gulped, maybe the station wasn't as empty as he had previously thought…

He looked up and saw that there was a very big, very angry looking professor glaring down at him. Severus stood up and without a word edged his way around her, walking straight ahead, and trying to resist the urge to sprint away as fast as he could. He looked back and saw that she was following his every step, looming over him. The woman stopped and looked at him, obviously wanting him to come to her. He took a few nervous steps toward her, but stopped at what he judged to be a safe distance. When he stopped, he raised his chin and shyly uttered his apology to the woman. For a long time there was no answer but then he finally heard her cold, harsh words.

"One week detention with Mr. Filch, follow me!" she spat out. He gulped and went after her, mentally berating himself. So much for making a good first impression…

As they walked on, he realized that they were heading toward a carriage. In front of the carriage, he saw something curious. Standing strapped to the carriage were two very strange creatures that looked a lot like regular horses, except for the fact that they were all bones. They kept looking at him with big, empty eye sockets and he stood there, gawking for a while, before he realized that the Professor was trying to get his attention, and that she had been calling his name for a while. Well, calling was an understatement, since she obviously seemed enraged, and when she spoke, it was like she was spitting poison at him.

He snapped out of his daze and dashed past the annoyed teacher, into the carriage, and sat down, starting to panic a little. Luckily, it was dark in the carriage and he had time to pull himself together; he really didn't like being yelled at, and the swaying movement of the carriage was helping him calm down. It didn't take that long to regain his composure, he was, after all, pretty used to being yelled at. Really it shouldn't have really bothered him at all, but the matter that she was probably one of his future professors was making it sound a bit scary. After a while he cleared his throat and spoke up nervously.

"Professor… um…" He knew she was already annoyed with him, but he wanted to know the names of the creatures pulling the carriage, and he decided to risk asking.

"My name is Professor McGonagall," she said, her voice was a little calmer, though still quite stern, like she was lecturing him, though he supposed that it might just be her regular voice.

"Oh…yes ma'am. Well, what are those horse things?" he asked.

She paused a moment before answering, and this time he thought that there was something odd in her voice when she spoke. There was still that faint tinge of annoyance, but there was something new now. When he thought about it, he realized that she had been surprised at his question, and he wondered why. She made a short lecture on the thestrals and as soon as he found out the reason he saw thestrals he wanted hear no more. He certainly didn't want to think about his mother just now. He thanked her and then the awkward silence was back in the carriage.

He wondered idly if things would go on like this through Hogwarts. He thought before that it was only Muggles that hated him, but as he saw how biased people were here, he realized that it might not be any easier with wizards than it had been with the others. He let out a sigh as he thought about this, but it was nothing new to him. He would manage it, he had to; he could handle the way that people treated him before so he could now.

The only person who actually hurt his feelings was his father while drunk, (which, he had to admit, was a pretty frequent occurrence). But when any other person treated him badly, he didn't care as much, or at least he told himself that he didn't. The most important thing was to not show his feelings; he had to keep his dignity, if nothing else.

Severus was deep in thought when the carriage finally stopped with a jolt, and he was pulled back to reality.

They were outside of a large castle. He tried to look around him, but it was really too dark to see anything. Severus was preparing himself mentally for anything that could be thrown at him once he got inside. He put on what he hoped was a blank, indifferent mask and raised his chin up slightly.

He was ready. Professor McGonagall opened the door, and Severus walked out determinedly.

To be continued!

I know there is no sense of asking you to review as there is quite a few chapters after that but one thing I can say, I do hope that you wish to continue reading the next chapters so well : )


	2. Chapter 2

First off, I own…. I own…. I own… I own… I own… totally nothing of it! Gash that was sooooo difficult to admit :' ( I'll survive over the shock.

Then I would like to thank my new fabulous betareader Denise! She's doing so wonderful job at betareading that story and now she re-betaread these first two chapters. Now I expect you are here for the story itself, not my babbling so please go ahead and keep reading!

Way to the dark 2

Severus was subconsciously holding his breath when he stepped inside the castle doors. Once inside, he realized that he had been holding it, and let it go.

The castle hall was empty, and the stone floor made his footsteps echo while he tried to keep up with Professor McGonagall, who was marching rapidly across the hall to the door opposite of them.

Even through the closed doors, he was able to hear all the noise that kids were making on the other side. Severus dreaded the moment when they would all set their eyes on him, and he knew that it was likely to happen since he was tardy. He hoped that Professor McGonagall would slow down so it would take more time to reach the doors, but he had no such luck. It seemed that the closer they came to the doors, the faster the professor started to march. Severus had to nearly run just to stay behind her. Once they finally reached the high door, he gulped.

Professor McGonagall opened the door and everything was just as he had imagined it to be. There were at least three hundred students in the hall--from what he could see­­--and just as he thought, all of them were staring at him with curiosity. His cheeks began to burn, and he immediately found floor very interesting… His legs felt like they were rooted to the floor; he wondered if his legs were going make it without buckling.

Severus could see the teachers sitting at the elevated table at the front of the room. Above all was Headmaster Dumbledore, who had just ended his speech by saying, "Dig in," and greeted all the newcomers with his twinkling eyes and called him and Professor McGonagall to the front of the room.

Severus forced himself to move his legs. While he was moving forward, he concentrated intently on not looking around, as he knew that he was being watched by everyone in the room, which was something that he didn't like. Nevertheless, he put on a solemn expression and kept walking. At least he would at keep his dignity, if nothing else.

Finally, they all reached the teacher's table, and before he knew it, he was being led to a little stool, which he sat down on obediently. He trembled behind his calm facade when he saw the headmaster approach him, clutching a huge leather hat in his hand, which the headmaster then lowered onto his head. Usually, Severus was an expert at keeping up his facade, but he was visibly startled when he heard a voice within his head. A cold shiver went down his spine when he realized it was the hat that was speaking to him.

The hat started telling about his cunning and his ability to keep his feelings hidden from other people's sight. He wondered if he had imagined hearing a sad tone in the hat's voice while it said this, but he quickly forgot it when the hat began considering which House the would sort him into. The hat told him the Gryffindors would eat him alive the moment he step foot among them.

Supposedly, he had enough will to prove that he did not belong in Hufflepuff, and that he might fit into Ravenclaw house, but still he'd do the best in Slytherin.

"Slytherin!" The hat yelled the last word, and Severus' ears rang for some time before his hearing returned to normal.

He was still dazed when McGonagall directed him to the table with green decorations. After he had made his way to the table, he tried to look for a quiet place at the end of the table, as he usually did at his Muggle school. Nevertheless, there was no such a place available. He had to decide whether to sit next to a few chatterboxes or a blonde-haired boy that was eating silently. Needless to say, choice between jabbering dunderheads and a quiet dinner was an easy one; he took a seat next to the blonde. The rest of the meal went peacefully, with Severus sharing a few words with the blonde beside him. He learnt that the boy's name was Lucius Malfoy, and that he was from one of the oldest pureblood families. Once Severus heard this last piece of information, he couldn't suppress his smile no matter how much he tried. Lucius noticed the faint smile on his new friend's face, and wondered why Severus was trying to hide it from him.

The room became noisier, and when Severus took a look around him, he saw why. Everyone had already finished eating and were now chatting. Headmaster Dumbledore soon noticed that everyone was done, and stood up for a final speech. It was a boring speech about how strenuous the train trip must have been and especially now after eating he expected everyone to be tired. He called for the Prefects to lead all the newcomers to their dormitories, and then he finally dismissed the entire room.

Looking around, Severus saw a tall boy with a shiny green and silver badge on his chest standing and calling the first years to gather before him.

He didn't want to be first one, and he decided to wait for a minute before getting up. He was last in the line once they got to moving, but that was what he had hoped for. He also saw that Lucius was following a Prefect a little ahead of him. What astonished him was how they were leading everyone downstairs to the dungeons, as opposed to upstairs like most of the other Houses. Severus realized it was cold down there, so he wrapped his cloak more tightly around himself to stop shivering. The corridor they walked through was dark, and only a few torches lit it up here and there. But, he liked it like that; somehow it was his style… except that he would have liked it a little warmer. Severus hoped that their rooms would be properly warmed up.

Finally, they reached a portrait that set its eyes dismissively on the group of students the moment it saw them. The portrait inspected them for a minute before it gave a little nod, still keeping its expression rigid. It seemed he had given his approval of them. Now, the man in the painting was staring at them expectantly, so their Prefect said, "Pureblood." It must have been some kind password, for the painting move aside and revealed a big room behind it. Although he already guessed it was their password, the Prefect confirmed this just a few seconds later. The older boy then commented on how late it was, and showed them their bedrooms before retreating to his own room.

Severus could see that all the others in the room were all tired, except for him. He simply had too much on his mind to sleep. Still, he pretended to be tired just because he didn't want others to know that he was still up; he didn't need others to disturb his thinking. At home, he would have gone to his own room and locked it. He also would have played some music so that nobody would disturb him while he was trying to relax; most of the time Metal music. It was always somehow so comforting for him to be able to release some of his own feelings when nobody else could hear him… not that he would do it here with three other kids around him. He guessed that he would need to try to find a safe and peaceful place here at Hogwarts later, but for now, this was all that he had.

He undressed and changed into his new pajamas that he had bought for the school year. When he was finally settled on his bed, he wondered if the other three students in the room were already sleeping. Luckily, everyone had been so tired that they hardly spoke at all, though it would surely be differently tomorrow. When he was sure that everyone else was sleeping, he allowed himself to relax and let his thoughts fly.

X X X

He wondered where his hopefulness had disappeared to. Usually, it would quickly return though, so he wasn't too worried about it. Even so, he couldn't help but dread the coming days. This was just his first day and it didn't go that well.

Those few clowns on the train, they were just cowards. All the people that used to behave that way to him were just cowards. They did everything they could to him without getting caught. Only the threat of being caught was what kept them from doing anything that would physically hurt him or would get them in serious trouble if they were to be caught. There wasn't much to report anyhow. The teachers would just say that it was a normal bantering and shouldn't been taken seriously.

His teachers had never realized that it wasn't just a few jokes. If they'd ever treated him as regular student, but no­­--he was just something to be forgotten. It was painful to be ignored all the time. Personally, he thought that the teachers were powerless to help him, and that that had been only reason why they didn't try. Anyhow, nobody would make fun of him as long as any teacher was around; their behavior would be more subtle. Of course his "classmates" wanted to keep their noses clean…not that it made it easier for him. He wasn't the type to complain if it wasn't absolutely necessary. He never told anyone about what was going on, because it would only make the situation worse for him.

This wasn't the only reason he kept this information for himself– it was a matter of dignity. Do not show weakness in front of others. So long as nobody knew, he was a winner. They could never break him.

He would have been alright, if practical jokes were all that happened; that he could take well enough. But being alone… it was something he could barely handle. Nobody would speak to him voluntarily, even during classes. He was always last person without a partner when the teacher asked the students to work in pairs. Many times, the teacher just added him onto different groups; maybe the teacher was hoping people would get familiar with having him around, but it never worked. They would only ask essential things about the exercise, but never anything else. Even silence was better for them than having to speak with him. Everyone would be relieved once the pair work was over; including himself.

He was sure the teachers knew about this, but they couldn't do anything about it. Maybe they thought he was just too shy to speak with people. Even though he knew that was partially true, it wasn't the whole truth. People didn't want to speak to him, but really, he had gotten used to it a long time ago and didn't even try anymore. Some thought of him as a freak (surely because of his magical outbreaks). Unfortunately, these very same people were the ones who were being abusive--verbally and physically. Other kids feared to befriend him because they would became teased, as well. Then again, one group annoyed him the most--the ones that pitied him. It was obvious from their "secret" looks that they would give him when they thought he wasn't looking.

Severus realized how off-topic he had become from his original thoughts. Even so, the question remained; where had his hope gone? None of the things people did to him ever annoyed him--or so he told himself. He knew that everything was going to be the same as it always was; he was going to let everything seem as though they never happened at all. So that's what he did, once he got the chance to calm down and think the events through in his head, afterward.

Even the few "friends" he had occasionally were nasty to him. Sometimes he was actually mad enough that he though he would give up on them, and sometimes they really did hurt his feelings—more or less purposely—and he never said anything to them. Often, he would give some excuse at the moment and go about playing as if everything was all right so long than they were around. But once alone, at his own home, he would let it out. At these times he was determined that he would leave his false friends behind…But wait for a new day, and guess what? Once they called he was always happy to join them.

It was always like that. That happened way too often, especially if there were some other people around them, and somehow he accepted this as an excuse allowing them to do so. He thought of one of them as a friend; the others only made things difficult for him. Even his friend wouldn't be so nice with to him anymore if others were around. But he was ready to take it if it meant even any company. Some company shouldn't have been too much to ask for; it was the one thing that kept him going, life bearable, and worth of living.

He only accepted all of his "friends" mistreatments to maintain his dignity. He wouldn't complain; he wanted every person, especially adults, to think that everything was all right with him, even if it wasn't.

Severus knew that he had to try again; in the end there weren't many chances to get to know people during the first day at school. Nobody would think he was odd because of his magic, so who knew if things would get on well at this new school.

He was way over the fact that he wasn't privately at home already. Only thing that his brain registered at the moment was that he was safe at bed and usually that was a private place. So it was too easy to let himself to cry at the moment. It was beyond his imagination that somebody might have heard him. Finally he fell asleep.

He was heard. Someone heard not only his crying but his already wheezing breath. That someone came to check on him, and glanced at his tearful face though the bed curtain. He was already asleep when it happened. He would have never have forgiven himself if he had known, but luckily, this was not the case.

X X X

Lucius crept back to his bed, silently wondering why Severus was so sad. He was still tired so he fell back asleep just minutes later.

The room finally quieted down, except some quiet snoring here and there.

It would be quite silly for me to ask you to review just now as there is plenty other chapters ahead for you. I do hope you are enjoying my story so much that you would like to read the next chappy : )


	3. Chapter 3

First shocking revelation, I don't own any of this, J.K Rowling does it(to my announce). I wouldn't mind if Rowling would have written more about Severus' past though…. Anyway, finally posting this third chapter. Special thanks to my betareader Kathleen who so nicely betaread my two last posted texts, who is even so lovely quick betareader : ).. And also thanks to my reviewers, Iva and Possum123. And when thinking about Snape in Ravenclaw, well… This "my Severus" cannot be without sleeping while listening to Binn's lecture. And Hermione who almost was in Ravenclaw was always able to concentrate through the lesson without any hesitation. But still, when I think now what I'm planning on Severus perhaps he would do pretty well in Ravenclaw too… Still my plot needs him in slytherin. : ). I admit you Im already writing chapter 7 and perfecting chapter 6. : ) But, I have got two two-shots posted just so well. Other one is named as "Why". Take a look at it too, just remember it has pretty high age limit. I hope I got it rating right as I'm not very good at giving rating my stories in English system… It is telling about what if someone other contacted to Harry when he was still little… Well, read and find out. Second one-shot is named as "Accident". Harry goes to Potion lesson though his scar is prickling. Snape isn't exactly happy with distracted Harry but after lesson Harry's fit is going worse. How Snape is going to take it? Well, try it out too. Just one more thing that is coming to my mind just now… I must admit when I'm naming my Mary sues with these new teachers I'm using some singers' and actors names mostly. Well, just because I don't know English names very well and somehow it is so natural to take names from some singers Well as Joe Nichols, I just like his songs and while I'm supposed to give this Potion teacher a pretty big part in this story I want him a name I like, And Joe Nichols does it purpose. After all Severus is going to be potion teacher in later life so of course his old potion teacher is in important position. I'm babbling, gash, just please go on with reading….

First classes!

When Severus woke up next morning he didn't remember his feelings from previous night. In fact he could hardly hold his horses before forthcoming lessons. It seemed everyone else in the dormitory was already up and he was only grateful about that though it wasn't surprising. He was a very late sleeper as often as possible. Nighttimes were always his favourite times actually, simple because it was so peaceful just to be without anyone disturbing him. It was always so much better alone. What less he was dependant on the other people then the less likely he would get hurt and that was best key to survive about anything. He was nervous actually, so many new experiences in front of him. Who knew if things would go well but even bigger chances it to go same or worse than earlier? He was scared of leaving his dormitory but as usual he prepared himself for it. After dressing he took his knapsack and left the dormitory with his usual scowling expression. He was nervous and even scared but he had invented his own ways to keep it behind; one example of this was scowling. He made his way across the crowded common room and tried to stay so unnoticeable instinctively and he succeeded; the years of practising had done its job.

Once outside all alone he was feeling like he could breathe freely again in the dark, cold and deserted corridor. He was almost smiling while he walked up the corridor while digging his knapsack for his schedule. He got it up and checked what he would have to encounter for first day. First he had double Defence against the dark arts, Double History of magic, Charms and finally Potions. He nodded apprehensively while walking to their first class; fight against the dart arts. When he heard someone running behind him he was ready to defend himself and he was already taking his hands up when he saw that the person behind him wasn't a threat. He remembered that he had been sitting next of the boy only yesterday when he first took his place in their table; he thought his name was Lucius. He nodded acceptance and commented that they should walk to their dark arts class. The other boy raised his eyelid first and sniggered back to him. Lucius just commented back to him

"Lets go before we're late!" he called out before almost ran away from Severus. Severus sighed aloud before sprinted after the boy now realizing that he had no idea where Dark Arts class was taking a place.

After a few minutes they were entering to the classroom full of paintings with many kind dangerous creatures. In front of the class was startling stern looking woman who was already letting her look wipe all over the room as checking that everyone was already sitting and then she clicked her wand and the door closed behind everyone banging loudly. Everyone in the class startled except Severus. Now he could see these cold eyes on him and answered to her look of scrutiny He wondered vaguely why she was looking at him like that but he let it go as she moved back to her table though still standing. Now she started her speech

"Morning class! My name is Professor Alice Longbottom but you will call me professor when you want to speak to me, is that clear?" After she heard approval muttering she got on again. "I presume this class will be your most important class in your curriculum according to current situation in the magic world. I can believe many other teachers will be speaking about importance of their classes but this is what you will have to pay attention to. And now lets get to our current topic; Giants!"

Rest of the class they were reading stuff about Giants before Mrs Longbottom dismissed everyone. He decided that he actually enjoyed Dark Arts studying. After the class they headed straight away to their next class; History of the magic. Not that he had ever found History classes interesting but that was something incredibly boring as their teacher was a monotonously speaking ghost. It was only end of the class that he realized that he had been actually sleeping.

Eventually it was time for the lunch and after a few hours nap in History of magic class he led his way alone at the great hall. He was middle of the way when he heard his name being yelled and instinctively he turned around to see these Black and Potter's boys. He knew these boys would be pain in his ass during end of his school year. Both of the boys were nearing him smirking with wands in their hands. Finally they stopped and the boy called Potter called out now;

"Well well well…. I should have known that my first instinct that I got about you from first sight was so right. You are a dirty little slytherin and looks like sheer inept crap. Moreover you are even defending yourself as a muggle; you aren't much honour for Slytherin house I think."

There were a lot of things Severus would take calm as the cucumber and these boys decided to pick up only one that made his hackles to rise. This matter was muggles, moreover now he was being compared to them. This made him see red and before he thought anything he took his hand and was about to cast something but in the nick of time nothing came to his mind. He had hardly any time to check any of his magic books before this day and so on now he was impotent to do anything with his wand.

For this couple of the boys started cackling and Severus was so embarrassed. He did least he could do and he ran up to couple of the boys and used his right hook on Potter. For second he saw how Potter sank down to the floor keeping his stomach but then he felt something hit to him. He hardly realized what happened before he was already flying backwards to the stone wall and he saw stars for moment.

He heard how they ran away from him. Only thing he could do was to try and just sit there keeping his eyes closed and wait for world to stop spinning in front of this eyes. Too soon he heard someone else was coming from other end of the corridor than before-mentioned pests had gone. Now he swore under of his breath; least what he wanted was someone proving this sight him being beaten up and not even being able to stand up yet. That was so embarrassing. While he was thinking this over the boy broke to run at him and too soon he was beside him. When the other boy started to speak he realized it was Lucius and he tried again to open his eyes. That was least he wanted to do if nothing else while others around him just now. He wanted to show that he was fine and he wanted to see Lucius' as they would be speaking. Luckily his sight had recovered a little bit though it was still swimming in front of him a little bit.

Lucius was just going to the great hall for lunch when he noticed something middle of the corridor. Someone was sitting next of the wall and this someone didn't look too good…. He sprang into a run at this person and once he was near enough to see who it was he gasped; it was Severus and he really looked really poor at the moment. Severus was keeping his eyes closed and even if he opened them it was clear how he was feeling dizzy. He sighed and sat down beside of the boy before opened his mouth.

Severus looked at Lucius when he sat down next to him and cut him off before he would start any foolish speech.

"Really just give me a few minutes and I will be up to stand up and lets go to eat then." He glanced at Lucius warningly not to say anything stupid and got on"and besides I think I got knocked other off for moment." Now actually smile spread across his face. Lucius answered to him peacefully now.

"I think you hit your head anyway so maybe you should consider going to…" Severus interrupted him immediately once he realized what other boy was saying.

"I'm **not** gonna complain about trivial things. It was **just a** mutual fight but let's go now."

As soon as he stood up a fit of dizziness kept him unsteady for moment. He waited for a minute that he got his balance finally back and started to head down to the great hall. Lucius just sighed deeply and rose up shortly after him. He could see other boy was still feeling dizzy as he stayed beside him but it seemed he was unable to get him coaxed of anything.

They went to their usual corner and Lucius looked at him significantly before speaking up quietly; not before he was certain nobody would hear it

"You know even if you aren't going to show head of yours anywhere still you should do something about this matter… I guess it was Gryffindor and from look of this, you aren't going to do anything about it. You know they won't give up if you let them go unpunished."

Severus no longer looked at Lucius and colour had escaped from his face. He was not ready to admit that he was really going to do it and he was certain he was that this was not just individual case. Moreover, Lucius wouldn't know anything about nature of their fights (he added himself that was already lost). However Lucius went on.

"I would teach you some useful spells, even curses…" He started slowly whispering. Now Severus was finally in and he looked estimated at Lucius before answering slowly. "

"Err… maybe if they really keep doing this it might come in handy. How do you know about these spells? I thought also you are here only for first day. Lucius was looking at him very carefully as thinking what he would say. After couple minute silence he just said.

"My dad taught me a few things, nothing important. He just wanted me to be able to defend myself once at school."

Severus nodded slowly. End of the eating went silently and soon they had to go for their next classes. Once in Charms class they got to know short teacher was called Professor Flicknick. They got usual speech about how important this class though it was becoming to lose its effect already. In addition, how would some Wingardiam leviosa be that important? He got it done anyway in his first try and end of the class was boring. He was happy it was only one hour at this time.

Next they had Potions and once he got in he realized that their potion lessons were together with very same Gryffindors he just fought with moment before, he sighed secretly. Luckily they had not much time to speak each other while teacher closed the door. Lucius was sitting next to him and he realized quickly who two would be blamed about his friend state by their eyeing each other. Just then door slammed shut again and Lucius gulped, another tight teacher. This teacher indeed was a tight one. He started his speech with steady sneer.

"I'm Professor Joe Nichols but you will call me sir so long than your grades are important for you. Also as I'm head of the house for some of you so better watch out what you are doing in my class. Now this subject can be **very** dangerous at times and you might kill yourself **if** you play with wrong ingredients so **better** just follow instructions you are gonna get. We're gonna practise how to make **many **powerful potions and if you know how every potion is made you can make anything for anyone. But I'm not certain how many of you will find this skill useful though. Maybe some few students…"

Nichols actually looked at him now. Honestly Severus had been looking at the teacher interestingly during all of his speech. Then teacher got glimpse of how many students had their wand on the table and barked out loudly

"You aren't going to need your wand here so well!" he paused for moment and waited for all the people to get their wands off while letting his look wander over the class.

Severus had pretty good feeling about this class. He had been reading one Potion book before coming Hogwarts and Potions actually seemed to be pretty much alike with chemistry at his earlier school and he had passed the courses with flying colors. Sure he was interested about potions. Even part of the ingredients was already familiar from his earlier school.

And when teacher finally gave them assignment he took the list and went to get all needed ingredients. Once back at his table he started to prepare his concoction. Like always in chemistry class he followed every line exactly that was written in the instructions and actually it seemed to go well according to the colour of the potion. Once he had finished with his potion, color was exactly same that it should have been. Proudly he bottled his concoction and gave the bottle to the teacher. Teacher took the little bottle from him and once he had smelt it Severus saw surprised expression on his face that turned to satisfaction very quickly. And the exclamation had been called out in the class, "Five points to Slytherin for first well made potion!"

Severus felt his cheeks burning and he didn't look at anyone while he went back to his seat. It wasn't exactly that he didn't like his succeeding but the way Nichols told that to the students was something embarrassing for Severus. He could sense how many eyes were burning on his back while he sat down and cleaned his table while waiting for others to complete their brewing. He severely hoped that someone else would get same answer out of the teacher but that was vain hope that he saw later. He never liked getting any attention; it was always better to disappear in the group and even be forgotten. Getting attention always brought something bad along with it.

Before the teacher let people out he told everyone who hadn't done the potion right were to make two feet long essay about brewing and using calming draught that they had been making previously. Practically only one not writing this essay was Severus and he got bunch of angry glances for it; especially from two Gryffindors who were whispering feverishly pretty surely about him being one not writing it. It was so embarrassed and if his back wouldn't be feeling sore he would have been running away from others and find some lonely corner somewhere in the castle.

Honestly, he never got his chance because Lucius came next of him as they were leading out of the class praising him about his deed and called out how hungry he was. If he would have found out any excuse to not go to eat he would have told it to Lucius but nothing came to his mind. He just followed Lucius to their places in the great hall. He wasn't really feeling hungry but he took some food on his table and nibbled it slowly for show.

Once eaten he really wanted to escape from the mass and he excused himself and left the room in silence. He considered about the place where he would go but at the end he deemed that their own bedroom had to do it for now since he didn't know any peaceful place. He would have to find soon some private place where he would be able to breathe and relax finally.

He wasn't about to fall asleep but as he was laying down his bed just staring at the roof trying get his composure back. The curtain around his bed wasn't closed but it didn't matter just now since he wasn't about to sleep yet.. He knew anyway that room was empty and he just wanted to get some peace finally. Not mention still existing headache since event earlier in the day and his sore back. He dreaded about the thought if he would have to go to the hospital wing. He had thought he wasn't tired but somehow he fell asleep on the coverlet.

About an hour later Lucius came in the room and noticed how Severus was sleeping on the coverlet. He had removed his cloak but he had his muggle clothes on that he kept under of it. Lucius was about to go to his own bed when he noticed something and his mouth dropped to silent scream while he just looked at….

To be continued!

Did I really make cliffhanger? Don't worry Im already written this next paragraph and I will give it for betareading once my betareader has corrected one another one-shot. And maybe this cliffhanger would encourage some people to review, though Im all right with even one review, especially when it seems that one of my few reviewers is regular one : ). Still I would love get even more reviews guys than just couple, Please make my day and review! It is my fuel with writing : ).


	4. Chapter 4

: ))))))) Finally posting. Thanks to my new betareader, Sherry! Ok, I admit, I don't own any of this, well perhaps few Mary sues but other way I'm just playing around with Rowling's characters. Well ok I admit, torturing Rowling's characters, especially Severus! And I wanted to say that I never betaread my author comments so don't worry about it. After all it is author comment and it is what I want to tell you, not story. There's no need for betareading it.

Finallyyy I got forth Harry Potter DVD for my birthday, which was two days ago, I'm so happy. Now I'm 24 years old : ). I'm still trying to get games on the DVD through and not succeeded yet. At least I have looked all documents already! Every movie was better than earlier one, really. Did you look it document about Voldemort. There they admitted that there is places what are not good for young people just as it should be. Still they are giving such age-limit than 11 years old… Hmmmm. I don't agree, It would make 15 years old age-limit already. I can hardly wait for fifth movie, it book was best book Rowling has never written. I like book six too but honestly I liked more Order of the phoenix. Simple because Harry was more… moody in and I simple love to see not so happy Harry being angst-freak. But please go on and read!

Way to the dark 4

About an hour later Lucius came into the room and noticed Severus was sleeping on top of the covers. Severus had removed his cloak but still had his muggle cloths on. Lucius was about to go to his own bed when he noticed something unusual about Severus. His eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open into a silent scream when he looked at the battered body of his friend. Severus had obviously been tossing and turning since the blankets on the bed and his cloths were all wrinkled. This wasn't what got Lucius so upset. The fact that during his tossing and turning the shirt Severus was wearing had ridden up on his body exposing his stomach and back to Lucius' view. After the initial shock, he closed his eyes and wished that he had imagined the marks on his friend's body but once he opened his eyes again he had to believe what his own eyes were telling him. He had never seen anything like it and wished he hadn't seen it now.

Severus' stomach was litterly covered with bruises that had already turned a sickly yellowish color that indicated that he had got them a while ago. To Lucius the bruises looked like someone had used Severus as a punching bag. Lucius slowly stalked to the other side of the bed avoiding the bad on the floor. He was quite as he didn't want to wake up Severus. When he finally reached his destination he got a good look at Severus' back and had to cover his mouth quickly as he gasped. Severus' back looked even worse than his stomach had and that was saying something. The bruises on his stomach had been at least some weeks old as they were already fading away, but the ones on his back were quite livid. The one especially horrifying thing Lucius noticed about the bruises on Severus' back was that they looked like they were made by a shoe or lots of shoes. He thought that it looked like someone or a lot of someone's had jumped up and down on Severus's back. An idol thought flitted through his head "it really would make the marks much worse if someone jumped on your back than if you were just punched in the stomach". Moreover, Lucius didn't know if he should be relieved or not when he noticed that the footprint size bruises weren't that large. It clearly showed that the mark of said bruises was that of a child and not an adult.

For a long time he just stood there looking at Severus' battered body, horror-struck, not able to move even a single muscle. His thoughts were all over the place while he contemplated various scenarios of how Severus could have come by the bruises. It was only when he heard the other students coming into the common room that he realized he should do something besides just standing there. He knew that he should speak to Severus about this and soon, but decided that now just wasn't the right time. Anyone could come in and he didn't want anyone else to see this. He knew how private Severus was and knew that he would be mortified if anyone found out about the bruises. He was certain Severus wouldn't like even him to know about the bruises. It was obvious that he didn't want anyone to know since he had not gone straight to the nurse when he got here. Lucius doubted even were he awake that he'd go now.

Lucius decided that he would just pretend that he was just coming into the room. He quietly walked back over to the door and opened it before slamming the door shut. His plan worked just fine and when he turned around Severus was smoothing down his shirt and sitting on the bed like nothing happened. Lucius greeted Severus and went by him to his own bed and settled his bag next to the bed. He took out his pajamas and put them on after undressing. He didn't want to give away that he had seen anything unusual just yet. He knew they would talk another day but wanted to do so when they had a little more privacy. He raged at the circumstances that they couldn't speak yet since the other boy really should go to the hospital. He continued to shoot sidelong glances at Severus. When he really thought about it he saw how his classmate was avoiding some normal positions, like bowing while he took his own pajamas out of the suitcase at his feet. Still Lucius didn't dare expose that he knew about his state so he tried to limit his glances. Shortly thereafter Severus' curtains were drawn shut and after laying down Lucius closed his own curtains. After a few minutes he heard the door open and their other roommates came in.

Lucius listened, as everyone got ready for bed. After awhile he could hear nothing but soft snoring. He himself honestly had so much on his mind that he couldn't even consider sleeping. He just tossed and turned while his thought whirled around inside his head. Giving up on sleep he let himself contemplate the matter of what to do about Severus. The thought that the marks couldn't be caused by an adult he was certain of. The marks he had seen on his friends body indicated that much at least. Lucius though it had to be a young person or more likely a bunch of children. At least it was most logical idea since there were so many marks on his skin and most probably even more on places he hadn't seen. He was certain Severus would not have allowed just one idiot to treat him like that, that he would have fought back with succeed.

Moreover its timing was disturbing since the marks on his friend back were more angrily colored that they were on his stomach. He still couldn't believe someone would have been so moronic as to jump on somebody. He swore under his breath that if they didn't have company and that it wouldn't be too suspicious to leave the room he would wake up Severus and get some answers now. Attention was the last thing he wanted just now though. He made a mental note to confront Severus about this matter the first chance he got.

He still couldn't sleep, his thoughts kept swirling around in his head making him very uncomfortable. After a while he dozed off, but kept tossing and turning as his mind wouldn't let him rest. He threw his blanket on and off either being too hot or too cold. Sweat clung to his body adding to the uncomfortable thoughts.

It was almost morning when Severus was awakened by moaning. Pulling the curtains apart he glanced around him and tracked the whimpering to Lucius' bed. Alarm bells began ringing in his head and he climbed out of bed to go to Lucius thinking something was wrong with the other boy. When he pulled the curtains apart it was to see a very pale looking Lucius tossing all over his bed. He bed covers were totally messed up and the boy himself was clutching his blanket as if his life depended on it. It was very clear to Severus that Lucius was running a fever placing his hand on the sweating forehead he felt just how hot Lucius was. Severus dashed out of the dormitories despite his currently sore back, actually for this reason he never really ran for any reason but now he did for Lucius' sake. His back was killing him but he knew he could handle it, he always did. Luckily the

nearest place he could go to for help wasn't far away.

He was soon knocking on Nichols', his head of house, classroom door. He impatiently waited for an answer. The door opened magically and Severus saw Nichols sitting at the table doing some paper work. Nervously he went up to his teacher and halted trying to get his mouth to cooperate with his

brain. He found the floor interesting and his heart was racing. His mouth felt dry and his throat closed up. When he glanced up for a second he saw expectance from his head of house's eyes so he tried again to get his mouth to cooperate.

"Sir, err…." He felt a lump in his throat and he swallowed before he started again. "I woke up this morning to moaning and I noticed that Lucius is running a high fever…" He didn't need to say anything else, as Joe was up and jestered for Severus to precede him.

Heart beating hard Severus did what he was asked and led Joe across their common room and up to their bedroom. Severus was trying to keep his back straight a he climbed the stairs as that was the least painful position. He never noticed that Nichols was giving him wary glances. Once in the bedroom he led Nichols to Lucius' bed where he was still under the influence of the high fever. Severus held the door open and just watched as Nichols picked up Lucius. Turning he head for the door. Only problem was he stopped and looked at Severus oddly as he spoke.

"By the way, why were you trying to be careful with your back as we came up here?" That was a total shock for Severus as he was always being used to keeping up the façade he hadn't realized he let his guard down and that someone would notice. He kept his feelings under tight control as he answered as carelessly as he could.

"I was sleeping in a bad position and my back is still a little numb." He even went so far as the look at his teacher, although he only focused on his nose, while stating this calmly. Severus could feel his heart beating rapidly. (He never dared look people in the eyes, but he had heard that if you look at people's noses they would never realize that you weren't looking them in the eyes.) He held his breath and waited to see if he'd bought what he'd said. Joe gave a nod of approval as he looked at Lucius again. Severus opened the door for his teacher so he could leave with Lucius. Watching after them until he could no longer hear footsteps. He knew Joe had asked for him to go to his classes but he didn't think he was able to go just yet.

He went back into the room and instead of obeying Nichols straight away he sat on his bed for a moment. He let out the breath he'd been holding and was glad that his teacher accepted his answer as the truth. He rested his head on his arms while swearing loudly for letting his teacher notice. Luckily he had a believable answer. He had invented it a while ago for situations like this. His façade was his most important treasure if he wanted to keep his dignity. Actually he was proud of himself at how well he had settled the situation.

After five minutes he finally went to his classes. He had a bad feeling that he was missing something while he headed for History of Magic. It wasn't until he was halfway to class that he realized what it was. Lucius. He was beginning to get used to his company and now that Lucius was bedridden for the foreseeable future he missed him. He wanted to assure himself that he was only worried for Lucius but he knew better than to lie to himself. He wanted him back because of the company more than anything else. He was actually feeling a little guilty about this. With these thoughts he entered the classroom and quickly realized that their ghost teacher was too occupied with he explanation that she never realized that he was late. He stalked to the only open bench in the front of the room. He swore under his breath angry with himself because he was late and couldn't sit in the good place in the corner as he usually did. Honestly, he had more time to think or in most cases sleep in this class as boring as it was. Even if it was still early he couldn't doze off while everyone was behind him. They would notice him sleeping.

Next, they had Care of Magical Creatures. This would be the first class and he headed after the others as they crossed the lawn going towards the edge of the forest. Their teacher was Nat McCallum and the first part of the class was a lecture about some different kinds of magical creatures. Their first assignment was to search for some information about some animals from the school library. Basic information as to what the creature looked like, what food's it ate, was it dangerous or not, where they lived, etc. They had a couple of week's to do the assignment. Only one little thing was troubling Severus, the assignment was to be done as a pair. If he missed Lucius earlier now his feeling intensified. He hardly knew anyone else in class and it seemed most people were already pairing up. Desperately he looked around him to see if anyone was free, but no luck. McCallum looked at him in expectation and he sputtered out a cheerily "I'll be working with Lucius once he's back. He's only in the hospital wing just now but I'm sure he'll be back in no time!"

He hoped that McCallum would take this excuse and he looked at him with the most innocent and hopeful expression he could muster. He thought bitterly that somebody must be angry with him today. He added unconsciously that somebody was angry with him most of the time. McCallum looked at him for a moment calculatingly before saying, "Ok, that will be good. Just remember if his hospital visit is going to last too long you are to pair up with one of the other pairs and work with them." Now Nat looked around him sharply, glancing at everyone. "You are all to go sit at the table that I set up for you and start your assignment with your partner. You will find different books on the table and can use them for the time being. When you are doing this assignment at other times other than this class you can use the library. Now, get to work!"

The whole class went to the table set up on the grass and Severus went with them. His heart was still pounding too fast and he was relieved that he had not embarrassed himself at least this time. The class went by quickly; time being used in reading the books laid out for them and making notes about all the magical animals they had on their lists. At the end of the lesson, Nat dismissed them reminding them to keep making notes. They were going to need them in future classes.

He was walking across the lawn slowly looking around cautiously. He knew everyone else would go the great hall for dinner but wasn't feeling hungry for some reason. He watched silently as two people walked by him speaking vividly until they noticed he was around and then they stopped abruptly. Severus felt the far too familiar sinking feeling as he saw how they moved farther away before beginning speaking again. This made him feel lonelier that ever especially with Lucius being in the hospital. He glanced at the lake and saw something interesting and steered himself over to it. He would have one hour if he didn't go in for lunch and being honest, he didn't feel particularly hungry at all.

When he was at the lake he smiled to himself. There near the edge of the forest he saw a nice place. Nobody would see him here and if a real emergency occurred he could hide behind the nearest tree. The place was perfect. It was shady and there were plenty of rocks all around the beach that he could sit on. Moreover, the most important thing here was the water. He had always loved looking at the water. It calmed him down with its relaxing splashing sound. He looked around more closely and he found a nice rock next to a bigger one that was almost like a chair. A broad smile came to his face when he finally sat down and just listened to the almost hypnotizing sound of the water. Finally, he had found his own cozy corner here.

To be continued!

Pleaseeeeeeeeee, gimme a review! I count is as my birthday gift if you do!


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to my betareader Cherry! I must announce that I own none of it. Even my few own characters are enjoying some singer and actor names. But, please go on with reading!

Chapter 5

Severus used his whole lunch break just lying down on the rocky ground. It was an advantageous place, since he could see if somebody was coming his way and easy to stay hidden if people came around. It was so much easier to breath here than anywhere else and he was beginning to think subconsciously of this as his place. He knew that his time was almost up and that his next classes was in five minutes when he finally took his gaze away from the water that he had been looking at almost hypnotically during last hour. Water had always been important to him for some odd reason. He loved just sit just looking at the continually moving water and listen to its' relaxing sound. However, no more for now since he had to go. If he were to stay there any longer he knew he would be late.

He sighed and stood up finally before dashing across the lawn towards the entrance of the castle. Although thinking about going there was very depressing with Lucius in the hospital wing. Though they didn't speak too much to each other usually he was giving him some satisfaction. To be with someone meant more to him than he was admitting. It wasn't as if he trusted Lucius yet but still he was still a good companion. He severely wished that Lucius would be back as soon as possible. Nevertheless, for now, he would have to handle things alone and he knew he would do it; he had done it most of his life.

He checked his watch and class was about to start so this was a most convenient time to enter. At his old school if he entered the class too much before the teacher it gave the other student more time to ridicule him. Some other times they just stared at him that he really hated that. He entered the transfiguration classroom a few minutes before the teacher and he congratulated himself on his good timing. As soon as all the students were sitting at their tables a cat jumped behind the teacher's table and transformed back to the woman that he had seen first when he left the train when he first entered Hogwarts. She gave quickly a little speech.

"Hello class! My name is Professor Minerva Mcgonagall and I will teach you how to transfigure things into other things without any embarrassing mistakes. We will start with small things but before you notice it, you will be doing bigger and bigger things. The skill of transfiguring is very demanding so I ask you to pay attention to what I'm doing before you try anything on your own. Always remember if you need to know anything you may raise your hand and ask me. Now we will begin our first assignment, shall we?"

So their class began. McGonagall showed them how she transfigured a small nail into a vase. They got lectured about how to perform this spell properly before she quieted down and raised her eyelids expectantly. When nothing happened she barked at them

"Well, will you try this?"

The class exploded into action and everyone was trying to get the incantation right. Severus was the only one sitting alone in the class as all others were sitting by couples. Of course he was not at all disturbed about this quite the only opposite really. Now nobody would disturb him and he was happy about that.

Severus noticed that the incantation wasn't as hard as it looked and honestly he accomplished the task fairly quickly. He was proud of himself as he looked at the silvery vase in front of him (though with a little greenish tinge as if it was an old vase). He looked around him at all the others to see if anyone else had accomplished the spell yet, but apparently he was only one ready as everyone else was still calling out the spell. He looked at the teacher unnoticed and wondered what to do now. He simple didn't have courage to yell out that he had accomplished the spell already and thus pulling everyone's attention to him; even though this class was non-Gryffindor at least. Being noticed usually caused him too many problems. Still part of him wanted to raise his hand call out how he did it first. Nevertheless, it was the smallest part of inner him and the stronger half won so he waited for someone else to complete the spell first before telling the teacher.

Luck just wasn't on his side this time, as usually, and of course as the teacher walked around the classroom she eventually approached his table. Desperately he acted as he was still trying to cast the spell. Finally the teacher was close enough that he could no longer hide his accomplishment and he gave up faking it. Indeed, she really noticed his (old) silver vase and declared immediately how Mr. Snape had made first successful vase and showed it everyone in the class. At that moment Severus wished that he could turn invisible. Even if he was looking at his table, he was able to feel everyone's look burning into him. Finally when he glanced up for a second he could see the nearest couple was looking at him with jealously and somehow… coldly. He shivered and the engravings on his table began to be even more interesting than the moment before. Only a few minutes had passed during this event before teacher left his side looking at the other student's work and gave out some advice to those who needed it. Honestly the before-mentioned time felt more like eternity before it was over for Severus.

While he was waiting for others to complete their vases, he read the chapter in the book that McGonagall had told him to read. Well, maybe it looked like he was reading but honestly he didn't see any of the words in front of him. He was wishing the class was over so that he could get some peace. Well, he had a kind of dilemma he wanted the class it to end and then again he didn't because he would have his first detention an after half of hour after the class. Eventually they were dismissed and the students that didn't accomplish the spell would have to write an essay on the matter. At least he wasn't the only one to do the spell right the time.

He knew he would have to face his first detention soon so he decided against his burning desire to skip the dinner since he had already skipped lunch and he would need his strength later. Not that he really was feeling hungry though. Somehow he made his way to the great hall and to his place at the Slytherin table; which was lonely now without Lucius next of him. He silently berated himself for feeling like that. He should be able to handle being alone after all those years he spent alone. He didn't want to be so depended on the company of others. He stared at the pots and vessels in front of him for minute before he forced himself to take some food to this plate before he started to nibble food slowly. He gave up on trying to eat as soon as he had saw some people looking at him curiously and just left the table quietly. While he was going to Filch's office he wondered why things were always so complicated and why nothing went, as it should.

Far too quickly he came to Filch's office and he knocked on the door carefully still dreading what he would have to do. Not surprisingly Filch opened the door with a twinkle in his eyes and if you thought Filch was the person who was going to give you detention it was not a good sign. Severus gulped as he said:

"I came to serve my detention, sir!"

He wasn't really happy about Filch's reaction.

"Yes yes yes, my first detention this year, oh boy!" he guffawed and a wide smile spread across his face. He said in an almost singing voice, "I have a special job for you that you will accomplish during next week! I was looking for dirtiest places to clean up that are still undone just for this purpose and the search was not vain!" At this point his eyes were twinkling more than before and it made Severus very very nervous. Filch led him to a classroom door in the dungeons. Severus knew that the door next to it was their potion's classroom so maybe this was too…His guess wasn't too far from the mark when he saw what was behind the door.

First thing which greeted him was the smell of decay. He couldn't recall any time he smelt something so incredible disgusting. Moreover, the look of the room wasn't too enticing either. It was a middle size classroom with stone floors but he could hardly see the stones for the layer of old dirt that was hiding it. There were piles of tables and chairs in the corner and it seemed that every one of them had lost its paint partly. There were teacher's tables in front of the room and some shelves scattered in the room here and there. It would be a big job but he could handle it and he nodded subconsciously. He looked again at Filch who was looking like he was celebrating his 20 birthday again. Filch gave him some more instructions.

"Now Mr. Snape, you are to clean this room totally without magic and as a guarantee of it I will take your wand away for your cleaning time. And here are your tools!"

He gave him a metal bucket, mop and some rags. Severus was about to ask about changing the water when Filch stalked out of the door. He could still smell the intense odor but as he spent more time in the room he could found he could handle it better. So he rolled up his sleeves and got down to work.

Before he even noticed he was engrossed in the cleaning. Filch opened the door behind him startling him. Filch looked at him smirking maliciously. He looked back at him challenging the man. Though the work had been more relaxing than anything else cleverly he kept it that information to himself. Filch would want him to be desperate to end for today and yet worse he would keep him even longer if he showed his eagerness to go on. Filch stated out triumphantly;

"I suspect you have been having fun, don't you?" Something in the way Filch said that brought memories to the surface and made Severus shake. Filch took it the wrong way luckily and kept on triumphantly. "Yes, certainly you were having fun, now get out of here boy and remember the same time tomorrow. I see you still have a lot of things to do in this room and six more days of detention to complete."

He walked out of the room at once and as soon as he was a couple corridors away, he sprinted off. He knew he had flashbacks and he didn't want to let himself break down in front of anyone. He didn't think at all where he was going but his body knew the way already. Before he noticed he was outside and heading across the lawn to the lake. Only now he let his thought run freely and when he sat down on the rock he was already sniffling. Words were still ringing in his head but not said in Filch's voice but that of his father. He could still see the image in front of his eyes so clearly as it happened just moments before though in actually it happened many years ago.

He was eight years old at the time. He was alone at home once again as his father had been away for long time and Severus' zoned out as he was transported back to a time he would rather not remember. He was in the living room watching TV when the door opened and closed. He went to see if he could help his father undress. He noticed that his father wasn't in any worse condition than he had expected and he would have to help him. He hoped that his dad would go to sleep and he was willing to help him if it speed the process along more quickly. His father thought differently and wanted stay up no matter how difficult even simple walking through the room was. After a few minutes of asking he obeyed his father wish and helped him into the living room. It was always best if he let his father have what he wanted since he had some violent traits when drunk. When they were at the sofa he noticed his father's voice was raising in volume though his father voice falter because of the alcohol. Severus found out soon enough why.

It was apparent his father was seeing someone else and not him when his dad started to speak in a threatening voice.

"I suspect you have been having fun, don't you? You think it is fun to make jokes about dead people as coward. You didn't have the courage to say it face to face?"

Severus realized immediately what he was on about and he tried to think anything he could do before something worse could happen. He honestly never got a chance to say anything when his father was knocking him down and kicking him. Severus bit his hand so as to not cry out while his dad had to fight to keep his balance while kicking him. He knew that his dad wouldn't have too much left and when he felt the kicking stop he dared to steal a look up to check the situation. His dad was looking at him terrified and he could see he was back to his senses again; well even partly. Severus' anger and fear faded away at the moment when he saw guilt fill his dad's eyes. He fought to stand up without grimacing despite his yelling back and tried to act, as he was not hurt for his dad's sake. He was hoping that his dad showed the asshole his place. The one who had insulted his mom. He placed his now meek dad on the sofa and less than a minute later he was already out.

Severus escaped from the room as tears threading to come and he locked himself in his room as usual. He turned on the music and put the volume up high enough but that he knew would be at a safe volume without waking his dad. He crossed the room to stand in front of the mirror dreading what he would see. He knew it was a school day tomorrow and he wanted to look fine before he went there. He untucked his t-shirt and raised it up. His stomach was already starting to become a yellowish color even though it was only a few minutes after the event. He dreaded how it would look after tonight. He didn't really want to see what his already bruised back looked like but he knew he'd have to do it anyway. He was very worried about how his back felt but was happy that his dad was too drunk really do anything too serious. He didn't blame him but rather blamed it on the damned idiot who had spoken badly about his mother. He touched his back and it felt incredibly bad. It was only the week before when some boys had followed him home when he was riding bike. Once they had reached him they yanked him off his bike and beat him up pretty badly. Before they left they gave their usual threat that if he said anything they would say he had destroyed school property. What they didn't realize was that he never even wanted to tell anyone about anything that happened to him so it was actually vain threat.

Severus had been sitting in the middle of the stones crying his heart out without realizing that he wasn't alone anymore. Under normal circumstances he would have noticed long before now that he was being looked at but now was not a normal time. He rose up and tried to get his numb legs cooperate with his brain, but they were numb from sitting there so it took a while to get up properly. It was only now that he noticed how cold it was outside and began to make his way inside when he saw her and he stopped dead in his tracks.

It was the first year carrot-top from Gryffindor. The most horrifying to him was how she was looking at him as intently as she did. He swore under his breath as he realized that she had seen him when he broke down. He looked at her fearfully and tried to think of a proper way to get rid of her. Severus though ´What if she told everyone about this? What if she would defame me? I would be defeated before this year even really began.' He realized at once how ill he felt and he sat back down on the rock, which he had been sitting on a moment before. He saw her walking towards him slowly and he took up the calm mask he usually wore though he was devastated inside. It wasn't too hard as he was too used to staying as calm as a cucumber no matter what was situation. All of sudden he got a fit of coughing and he had to admit that he had caught a cold already. He looked at the girl who approached him apprehensively. Far too quickly the girl with flashing red hairs was next to him and also sitting down.

To be continued!

Now with last chapter I got exactly zero reviews so….It is somehow discouraging that with four chapter I have just four reviews totally, even it mostly for one nice reader. I would like to feel that even someone read it so… Even why to post if people won't read your stuff? I'm starting to consider if I should stop posting my next paragraphs in here anymore, keep going just in another ff.places. If you have nothing special to say just, "I read it" it nothing else please. God I would take even flames honestly. If there's something wrong with this story please tell me then. I would do something to help it matter. Say **anything **but please review. It is depending pretty much on it if I will keep posting this story here. Why to post for nonexistent readers? This is your last chance to prove if you want any more chapters. So actually, review if you are looking forward to reading this!


	6. Chapter 6

First I'm forced to do announcement. I own it all which isn't in HP books and so on hardly none of it. Cherry, Thankssss a lot for your wonderful betareading, I really appreciate your help!

Now, my first chapter with this story when I got three actual reviews! Now get to read this chappy.

Chapter 6

Severus glanced briefly at the girl with the burning red hair before returning to look at the calming lake. He was really confused and embarrassed. He thought he had seen this girl at the Gryffindor table and she had seen him at a bad moment and now she would tell everyone about it. He vaguely wondered why she wasn't already running back to the castle to tell the others what she had seen. He was certain people would have a great time telling each other how sly had been crying out here alone. Why would the Gryffindor want to speak to him anyway? Moreover, he had no idea how to speak to her; after all he was not accustomed to have discussions with other children. Sure, he had tried when he was still younger but every time he had got only a reluctant exchange of words; it didn't even matter if they were supposed to be doing schoolwork. In some years he had stopped trying to get their acceptance and whenever they had any teamwork he was odd one out. All he said aloud was that most necessary stuff for the task they were supposed to be doing. Other children in the group would speak to each other or goof around if she wasn't around. So, how should he speak to her now? And why she was still here? Maybe he should just leave now while he still could without embarrassing himself even more.

However, the girl didn't say anything nor did he dare to do anything. She just sat down and looked at the lake in complete silence just as he was doing. Only the wind was moving the water lightly as leaves were rustling in the trees. Severus would have liked things to be as they were now, though he was worried about what she was going to say. 'Why do things have to be so complicated anyways? Should he be the first one to saying something and what should he say?'

Luckily, he was spared from having to say anything as she turned to face him. He startled and turned to see what she was doing. Her expression was so hesitant that he was surprised by what he saw in her face. He saw sheer understanding and it puzzled him greatly. He just couldn't turn his eyes away from her eyes. He berated himself he should divert his look to something else but something was keeping him from looking away from her eyes. It was as if they were magnets and he was pure metal. Eventually he sputtered out:

"Why you are here? I thought every Gryffindor despised us slytherins?"

He swore under his breath because of the stupid houses and the biased behavior it provoked. The last part of his question he said in bitterly tone. He was already looking at the lake again when he heard her answering him laughing in the bitterly way.

"It isn't necessarily only slytherins that they are biased about. Everything that is even a little different is something unforgivable to them. Just something I should have waited from first place I guess. However, why shouldn't I be here?"

Severus blinked when he looked at the girl again. She wasn't really admitting that they were picking on her but… she was tipping off that . He could hear the bitterness in the tone of her voice. Severus was trying to think about how to react to her comment but luckily was saved from answering as she spoke again.

"The first day on the train I saw Black and Potter running away with a bag that they didn't have a moment before in the station. Half of minute later you appeared in the corridor looking for something and I added it up, it was obvious what just happened. Moreover the way you were about to knock on my compartment door but chickened out was too obvious. You simple looked so lost after they were gone."

Severus listened quietly as his cheeks flamed in embarrassment; he was looking at the ground instead of anything else now. He knew he was caught and there was no way out of it. He tried to think of way to convince the girl about what happened but nothing came to mind so he just stayed silent. He had a real strong feel that things were out of his hands from now on. He heard her sighing and going on angrily.

"I know more about this than you think. I'm a fucking know-it-all for them. Only because they haven't opened their books. So why bother to speak to me then?" she lowered her voice to whispering "but I shouldn't have wanted anything else after my normal school experiences. My sister slipped "accidentally" about my little magic bursts at school and everyone thought that I was weird. Especially after the first time it happened in the school. It was my sister's fault, she tried to trip me up with my food tray. Result was that the tray floated in the air though I was laying on the floor. There were no teachers about at the moment luckily was only good point. But everyone took it badly and they just left me alone since then. It's easy to just concentrate on studying and that's the way I'm doing it even now. They are taking it annoying way here."

Severus just stared at nothing as he pondered what she said, could he take the risk and tell about some of the things that have happened to him? She seemed to be so sincere about her disclosure, maybe... He thought maybe he would reveal some of his stuff. However opening his mouth was an insurmountable problem. He wasn't sure if his hands were shaking from cold or nervousness anymore. He forced himself to sound normal no matter how nervous he was. He took a deep breath and started to speak with his eyes closed.

"I- I'm- They just think I'm too silent for their taste. Moreover slytherin to boot. There's always something wrong with me. If it isn't weird fit of magic then it is just my shyness and defenselessness. Not to mention this stupid house thing. Somebody doesn't like me." Now Severus actually regretted how much he had revealed no matter what she said. The girl spoke again.

"One time I overheard their discussion about you. They were planning revenge on you about making a fool of their reputation by succeeding with your counterattacks. Bad luck I didn't hear what they were up to though. They think they are better than others and anyone different is scum to them, unfortunately that applies to me too. And the others… they try to act as if nothing is happening."

"I'm certain. People are too blind to see what they are actually doing. They do whatever all others are doing or use their advantage to get an easy victim since nobody else cares. They don't care to even cover up the things they do after some while. They think they are more like a kind of hero than bullies. More likely people are just too scared of them to do anything. Then you are totally isolated and…I don't want things go like that here too, not any longer. It was quite enough in normal school."

At this point Severus was on the verge of the breaking. Only his pride was keeping him from crying. Nevertheless it was a vain try, as he couldn't keep his emotions under control with a topic like this. He was crying in his usual silent way looking at the lake. He coughed again as he sat on the cold ground, not feeling the cold anymore though it was there somewhere. He was still shivering though. When he glanced at the girl he was surprised severely, though probably he shouldn't be that she was crying too. He heard a sniffling sound answering.

"And they are afraid of being left alone if they befriend you. Better just leave you alone and not even speak to you. They don't want be the only ones speaking to you so it's a nice circle as nobody wants to be the first to be seen around you. Or if they are with you then they are doing it when there is no others around which isn't too often. Why would they want to be isolated just for the pleasure of your company? Maybe we should pity them for having us around at the end."

He could hear a touch of bitterness in her voice. Why did things have to be so complicated? He didn't want to add anything more to this topic as they sat on the ground thinking. First off if he did that then he would be even more upset than he already was. Moreover everything he could have said more would have given her far too much information about his life which he would tell only over his dead body. It was actually better just sitting there thinking as it gave them both a chance to calm down. They were like this for half of hour until he started coughing and she spoke up.

"We should probably be going in already as it is past curfew and you sound as if you are getting ill."

"Yeah, you're probably right though I wouldn't mind having a day off…"

Anyway they stood up and walked across the lawn together. Mid way there she spoke up "by the way we never introduced ourselves properly. My name is Lily Evans."

"Yeah, you're right. My name is Severus Snape." They both nodded and turned in different directions. Severus walked to the dungeon and Lily upstairs. As Severus watched Lily walking away from him he thought to himself that maybe there was something worth hanging around here for. He almost danced his way though to the dungeon if only his back would have allowed it properly. When he was in his bed he had a hard time sleeping as he kept having fits of coughing that were keeping him too active to falling to sleep. Eventually he fell into a restless sleep.

(I would have loved to stop chapter in place like this but two pages is too short chapter even with my standard so I will go on. Sincerely I don't know if even four pages is quite enough as chapter but… for now about four of five pages is my constant.)

Severus woke up feeling rested though his throat was a little sore and he still had a slight headache from the day before but it was more a dull ache so it didn't matter. He was still coughing a little but he never bothered about such a little thing. He laid on the bed, as it was still too early to get up as everyone would be in the common room and he preferred just to be left alone. He pretended to still be asleep as he thought over last night meeting with Lily. She knew how he felt though he was certain that she didn't know anything about physical side and he was going to keep it that way. He wasn't ready to tell her everything about himself no matter how much she would understand. He appreciated her approaching him though; there was hardly anyone who knew what it was like to be an oddball, though he no longer cared about it. All he needed was to be ok with himself and keep his façade up. He glanced at the clock and groaned as he realized that he'd better get up now if he wanted to get some breakfast before classes. Moreover, he was hungry. It was only when he was getting up that he realized that he was feeling a little bit dizzy. It seemed that he was feeling more and more terrible as the days passed but the symptoms manifested slowly not showing up too fast so it was fine by him. He checked his schedule and he would have to face Charms class, he sighed. Last time it was fine but he wondered what they would be doing this time.

He walked into the charms class a little too late so he didn't get his usual corner of the room. He ended up being in the middle of the class. Just enough to be too many people behind him and having the teacher seeing him, so it wasn't a very good place. Moreover, he couldn't relax, as he knew he was seeable in this position. He berated himself for not coming earlier as he took his books out of the knapsack. Shortly Flitnick waved the door closed before he started chatting happily.

"Today we are going to practice something useful. Something you have probably seen many times before this but you didn't think about it at all. Actually even I did this a few minutes before, what could it have been?"

As he asked the class about the charm he used, he stayed quiet for a moment and let his look linger on the class hoping someone would realized what charm he was asking about. Severus was thinking what it would have been too. Instantly he realized what teacher was after, he meant the door he had closed with a wave of his wand. Severus looked around him to see if anyone else realized what the charm was, but realized no one else knew the answer as everyone was just looking at the teacher wearing a puzzled frown. Everyone was just sitting there without saying a word. He knew he could answer but he was reluctant to speak up like that. Flitnick was looking a bit perturbed as everyone just stared at him without opening his or her mouths. Severus wanted to answer him but something was keeping him quite. He had never found the power to be the first one to answer. Finally Flitnick shook his head disappointedly and turned to the blackboard as he waved his wand at the door. First he called out '_alohomora'_ and then '_lockomora' _and the door opened and then closed. Most of the students in the class looked dumb-stricken as they realized what the charm was. Severus felt just uncomfortable for his incapacity to answering the question first.

Soon everyone was practicing the charm on the, expressly incanted, secretaries. The secretaries included two drawers that made the charm harder as they needed to be opened and closed exactly the right order. This was actually giving Severus some challenge at first. To incant just the right drawer but he soon had the charm mastered. Too soon he noticed he was the only one who succeeded as the teacher noticed him playing with the drawers. He was opening and closing the drawers one at a time and actually enjoying the feeling that he was good at something. Just when he was engrossed in the task the teacher came up behind him and called out startling Severus.

"And here you are Mr. Snape! Look at him every one of you!" When the teacher called out his name startling him he jerked and called out the opening charm one last time a little too powerfully and all the drawers flew out of the secretary. They flew just above the teacher's head before crashing into the wall behind them. His face turned red in embarrassment. He hoped he would just disappear. He could hear muffled snickering and the floor became the most interesting thing in the world to him. The teacher just looked dazed as Severus waited for someone to say something. Finally Flitnick had recovered from the surprise and spoke.

"Well done Mr. Snape. Really powerful incantation you did I shall say. I haven't seen one that powerful for a few years. Five points for you Mr. Snape. But now everyone please get back to your own practicing. I hope you all succeed at this as Mr. Snape here did."

In a second the class was again incanting their own secretaries as Severus was waiting for the lesson to end and dreading the coming recess. He could even now see the other student glancing at him, some with malicious smile on their faces and others were just amused. He knew he had been right about them and that made him sad even though he knew how they would treat him beforehand. It was the first pure proof of his own classmates' attitudes and he was feeling nauseous. He knew his throat was beginning to feel a little sore again but he had not bothered about it too much. He could handle a little flu easily. Besides, he had taken painkiller earlier and it was surely to take affect and make it better soon.

He was not sure how to take Flitnick's using him as example. He felt he messed up badly as he flew the drawer across the class just as everyone was looking. He usually hated attention but when he thought about it now he would have enjoyed it without this little accident. As it would have been some positive attention for once. He was never considered as smart student in the school but maybe he could work a little more as Lily told him she was doing. If he knew lot of magic they wouldn't pick on him, at least not so much than without a fight and maybe, just maybe they would give up finally as they noticed that he wasn't so weak anymore.

As he contemplated he watched meekly as others were still fighting to get efficient incantation and slowly one by one they succeeded somewhat. What was annoying was that most of the people who succeeded started to whisper to each other and he could see brief glances at him, which proved that he was the topic of the whispers. He didn't know if he wanted the class to end or not anymore, both had its bad aspects. Great he just had to sit in the middle of them knowing that they were whispering about him. He knew that when the class ended he would get some actual comments about his little stunt. He had a bad dilemma which one he wanted to keep. In the end it was not his choice and as everyone was dismissed he flee as far others than possible. As other students were leaving the class he saw a few smirking expressions as they glanced at him "inconspicuously". He knew the teachers never saw these glances though he wasn't certain if his co-students were so stupid that they assumed that he didn't see them. As soon as he was out of the classroom he dashed towards the next class.

To be continued

You know I myself think that chapter 7 which is ready but still not betaed is great. I have hard times deciding which I enjoy more, reviews or knowledge that I got my chapter written so well.

So, what you liked? Was it good or bad? What it got you feel? Please share any thought you got! I'm looking forward to get at least three reviews as with last chapter! (Looking with puppy eyes at you!)


	7. Chapter 7

Hereeeeeeeeeeeeeee again! First I own nothing of it unfortunately! Cherry, thankssssss a lot for you terrific betareading! You even know how encourage me soooooo well that I will never want to get another betareader! I just wanted to say that Im sooooo happy so well written chapter than this! I'm just sooo proud my myself when I read this through now. It simple is soooooooooooooo good even if it is me author saying it! I wanted to thank my reviews, Kendra-the hyper one, Nat, and Iva! Ahhh, I just realized my mistake with Flitwick's name, thanks for telling Iva! And Nat, I'm proud to be your first writer you are reading!

Chapter 7

The next class was pretty uneventfully for once. Nothing more trivial than whispering went on around him that ended rather suspiciously if they saw him glancing at them. Not too surprisingly someone spoke to him finally at lunch.

He was sitting at the corner of the table in the great hall. The place was lonely now that Lucius wasn't there. He was playing with his food when someone came to sit next to him. At first he stiffened up and tried not to think the about the worst possible scenario that could happen but that was in vain. Basically he was pessimist though he always tried to stub it out. Well, most of time he was right with his assessment that things would go badly. He glanced at the other guy and noticed that he was a second year guy called Antonio Dolohow. He was part of the cream of the crop in slytherin. He just wondered why on the earth he decided to sit next of him just now. He was usually always ganged up with some older people in slytherin. The group, he would most probably have a fat chance to hang around with due to his nature. He did acknowledge that he was a quiet and shy person. But it isn't that easy to start speaking with all the new people like that. Mostly because he thought the worst of them and it was hard to give people a chance to prove themselves other way. He was too used to his old habits. Not to mention that he had some suspicions that this guy knew about the earlier "accident". When he remembered it he lost his already small appetite and eyed his food reluctantly as if thinking to eat or not.

Few minutes went by in silence but then Antonio spoke up.

"Hi, my name is Antonio Dolohow. I just heard what happened in the charms class."

Severus had guessed that it would be the case but still it hit him hard what Antonio wanted to talk about. In his mind he was banging his head against the table, just in his mind though. You can't really do it without losing your dignity. He would have liked to disappear to thin air but unfortunately that was not possible. However he wanted to act "normally" so he just played along and. He couldn't get into a worse position than he already was in, could he?

"Hi, I'm Severus Snape. I've seen you around. Which year you are in?" He of course tried to turn topic away from his embarrassing accident but frankly thing didn't go as he hoped.

"I'm in second year. I just wanted to tell you that it was cool what you did in charms class. You even got away without any punishment. I guess Flitwick must have been in good mood. Too many times they won't allow us to play with the charms although it is fun. I think you were extremely lucky."

'Great, now he is thinks that I did it on purpose. However it seems that he is admiring me more than criticizing. Could I turn this to my advantage? I should at least try, I cannot lose anything by trying.' Having decided what to do he answered to Antonio.

"Yeah, it was great. I got away with it without any consequences. I even got five points for a well-done incantation and that is something. Not to mention that he got a fright."

Something inside him pricked when he mentioned that but he pushed the feeling away and smiled instead. It wasn't a real smile but it his fake smile, the one that he showed to indicate that he was ok with the situation. He knew that he wasn't acting like himself but it wasn't so bad as long as he wasn't feeling do left out. Actually acting just a bit bad was nice. Being bad was much better than being forgotten and teased.

Antonio laughed. But it wasn't a bad type of laughing that some people used to do. He was more laughing with him, not at him. He smiled back and took some food. It was only a few seconds later that he choked on it, when Antonio asked him something surprising.

"By the way, why you are sitting here all alone all the time? From the first day you picked a place that is as far from others as possible. And you seem to stay pretty much to yourself. Why would you want to be alone?"

For a moment Severus tried to get his feelings back under control as the stupid question shook him up. However he didn't show any of the conflict on the outside. While he was emptying his mouth he was contemplating some satisfying answers for that particular question. Nevertheless it wasn't really a stupid question, it was way too smart and Severus didn't think Antonio would be so stupid that he bought just any answer. Nor did the teachers but they never asked those kinds of questions. Frankly, there wasn't much Severus could say.

"I just like to be by myself. There's no special reason. Besides I don't know many people here yet. We slytherins aren't too popular a house either it seems."

Other boy just looked at him warily for a moment before answering.

"Yeah I guess so. I will be off now. Some people are waiting for me."

And Antonio flashed a last smile before he left. Severus was left there just looking at his plate lost in his own thoughts as one idea was developing in his mind. He didn't really feeling like eating anymore so he left the hall. He took the hallway to the hospital wing hoping that Lucius would be better. However soon he was regretting his decision when the annoying nurse got him in her grasps. Before he noticed what was happened he was being ushered to the bed opposite Lucius and having to drink a Pepper-up potion. Poppy didn't like his constant coughing and he ended up staying there over night. And all he wanted to do here was to tell Lucius about their coming assignment. At least he succeeded in convincing the devilish nurse that he wanted to change into his pajamas by himself. There was no way he wanted to show his upper body to the tigress. He never shown any of his marks to any nurse and this place wasn't going to be exception. After Poppy had done with him she left them alone. She left the room muttering something about stubborn children as he was muttering about insufferable nurses.

Finally alone, he glanced at Lucius in the opposite bed smirking at him. He was certainly doing much better then a couple of days ago. He finally relaxed and sank back into the bed. He grimaced a bit when his back made contact with the soft bed. Despite the pain he just closed his eyes and enjoyed the peace. At least he didn't have to do his detention today. Glancing over at Lucius he started.

"Finally she let us have some peace and quiet. Good to see that you are ok again. Class was feeling so empty without you. When is this tigress is going to let you out again?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. She just wants to make sure and she is going to let me out the day after tomorrow. Honestly, it's boring here. Since she caught you how are you?"

"I just have a small case of the flu, nothing more serious. Luckily it seems like I'm getting out tomorrow to. You've missed some classes while you were staying here. I can show you what we've been doing. History of magic is same old boring stuff. Transfiguration is well… you can imagine. Charms (flushing) we looked over opening and locking charms. I can give you my notes so you can copy them. And then we got an assignment in care of magical creatures. We are suppose to form groups and find get some information about some magical creatures."

Instantly a too familiar fear hit him and he quieted down for a moment. He shook his head as he was trying to remove his stupid feeling of foreboding.

"I said I would form a group with you when you get back. Only if you are volunteering to do it with me that is. You don't have to if you don't want to. I really understand if you don't want to."

The last part was a bit faint He knew that his feeling of foreboding was probably stupid but he couldn't help it. Never in all his life did he want a partner for a class assignment. He was almost too scared to hear the answer and he tried to prepare himself for worst possible answer. He didn't even look in Lucius' eyes.

Lucius listened to Severus' answer looking intently at his friend's face. So many feelings were reflecting behind that calm façade. At the beginning he was almost too intent on telling about their classes. When he came to charms he was clearly embarrassed for some reason. Lucius thought that perhaps there was some reason behind it. When he spoke about the assignment in care of magical creatures, he was far too nervous. He really wondered why on the earth he should be so nervous about this assignment. He played with idea of telling him that he knew about his bruises. No wonder he didn't want to change his clothes in the presence of the nurse though he really should.

"Sounds good. Give me the notes and we can go over this it now. After all it's a boring place and even school assignments sound exciting."

Severus took his knapsack and rummaged through it for the needed papers. Lucius saw him flinch, as discreetly as possible, while looking for their assignment. It was apparent how much the bruises still hurt his friend. He felt a surge of hatred as he thought of the person who made those marks. Moreover, the way in which Severus hid them was alarming. He was happy that Severus didn't see him looking at him calculatingly. Even now that he was already here he didn't say anything to the nurse despite his pains. He couldn't possible think of any reason why the other boy didn't want any help but knew that was the case. Unless… he was use to it or the reason behind them was something shameful. However Lucius thought that Severus really should show them to the nurse.

Finally Severus found the papers he was looking for and he brought them to Lucius. In no time the notes were copied by magic and they were looking through Severus' notes on the magical creatures essay. Severus had many books with him already so they used the advantage of a quiet room for doing their assignment. A few hours went by and finally Lucius couldn't keep to himself the information that he knew, not with Severus flinching every so often.

"I cannot keep this quiet any longer. Two days ago when I had my last night in the dormitory. When I got in you had fallen asleep with your day clothes on, your upper body half in sight…"

Lucius saw Severus drop all the papers he was holding at the moment when he spoke so he quieted down . So many different feelings were going through his eyes again. They changed from surprise to scared and angry. Then, he seemingly tried to act as if nothing had happened and his eyes became defiant looking. Lucius clearly had hit a sore spot.

Severus couldn't say a word when he realized what Lucius was getting at. There wasn't any mistake about what he meant. Desperation hit him when he realized that his secret was out. He had never shown people any of his marks and now he spoiled everything. No one had cornered him like that. His dad didn't care enough to look after him with his drinking problem and no teacher realized how bad his problem really was. He didn't want to continue with this topic. So he tried another technique and told the other;

"Honestly I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm going to bed, it is fairly late. (The next part he said rather icily) see you tomorrow!" He picked up all their papers and stuffed them into his knapsack angrily. He glanced at the other boy one last time and called out. "If you dare say even one word of your ridiculous suspicious to anyone you will be very sorry about it. Try to remember that before you go spreading rumors."

He would have liked to yell last sentences but he kept his voice down so that irritating nurse wouldn't come back in here, which really would be the last straw. Shaking he got back into his bed and tried to hide behind his blanket. He hoped that he would fall asleep quickly but that was as far from him as possible.

Lucius stopped himself from calling after Severus, as he didn't want to stick his head into the hornet's nest. He looked over when other boy rolled to his side and said no more. He should have guessed it, he had hit upon a rather touchy subject. He guessed that he was the only one who knew due to Severus' reaction.

The next few hours both of the boys were trying to fall asleep both lost inside their own thoughts. Lucius was trying to think of a way to make up with Severus, who apparently was not taken too well his confrontation. His best idea was to give his friend some time to clear his head and look a how things would go. Perhaps if he could assure other boy that he wouldn't tell anyone then he would feel more confident in relating some of what happened to him. However, he didn't know how long Severus would be crossed with him.

Severus was trying to stay calm though he was ready to break down at any moment. He couldn't believe that he was that daft that he had allowed anybody to see his marks. So now he was hauling himself over the coals for showing his bruises. It was his own business; they had no right to question him about them. It was really stupid of him to fall asleep without his pajama on and let Lucius see his bruises.

Never did he tell anyone about his treatment among the other children. Due to the feelings it gave him he tried to avoid thinking about it, not mention speaking about it. He remembered the one time when one of the teachers was trying to comfort him, the results were the opposite of what anyone would expect. As long as teacher was present he just sat there trying to keep his feelings at bay but when she finally left him alone he ran to a more private place where he would break down alone. She probably noticed his reaction because she stopped trying finally. He never even said a word to her, as he knew that once he did that he would be crying next to her and that was last thing he wanted.

God, he hated his life. Somehow he kept his nerves under control for that night but he wasn't far from crying. The only reason he could do it was because he had to for his dignity. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he let Lucius know how he felt. His having seen the marks was quite enough as it was. Finally he heard Lucius even breathing indicating he was sleeping but he wasn't that daft that he dared to risk him waking up so he just looked at the ceiling and tried to concentrate on his breathing. That was the best way to stay calm if there were people around and he was feeling blue. The worst thing was that when he was feeling blue every bad thing that happened to him came back to his mind and it was hard to stay calm with those thoughts swirling about in his heal. Perhaps tomorrow it will be better, he concluded. Usually a night's rest gave him some control again.

After few hours trying to fall asleep he finally did. However, soon after he started to have nightmares.

He was walking outside when he saw a group of children. They hadn't seen him yet and he hid behind the corner just to listen to what they were saying. If they saw him they'd just fall silent until he was gone or started mocking him. To his amazement he realized there was one especially annoying person among this group and some new people that he had never seen before. Soon he discovered that they were talking about him and not in the way he was hoping for. They were calling him a freak and that they would make fun of him anytime they wanted some fun. This got him to freak out totally and he started to run out as quick as he could. Unfortunately the group noticed him and started to laugh aloud and grabbed some snow and they threw at him. Somehow their own snowballs stopped in the middle of the air and turned back to the group who just looked dumb stricken as their own snowballs hit them. This launched the group into angry muttering and they started to call him names. Just then someone showed up next to him, Antonio. He told him to pay them back with his "freakish" powers. Then they would know that there was no messing with him. In that instant he turned his sadness to hate and revenge. Especially this one guy over there who bugged him the most. He walked up to them concentrating on getting this one idiot to fall down and to his astonishment it really happened. He tried to think of how he could be washing his mouth out with soap and seconds later there was pink bubbles coming out of idiot's mouth. Smirking he called.

"This will teach you what happens if you try to say these stupid things. I would enjoy doing this again anytime soon if you try to do that again. Just to let you know whom you are playing with!"

Smirking he walked out leaving the people staring after him horrified. He felt so damn good despite what they did to him again, or what they tried to do actually. He enjoyed showing them their places.

Just then he woke up to see that everything was just a dream. But it was not a bad dream actually at the end; he was almost disappointed that it ended. He glanced at the clock and noticed that it was six a clock morning so there wasn't much sense in going back to sleep for one hour. He contemplated over the dream that he had and it really made a lot of sense to him. Why should he look calm if some of the guys were trying to make fun of him? Cold anger would be a much better answer and equal payback. They wouldn't know what hit them if they tried to play with him; of course he meant those Black and Potter boys. Before Hogwarts he had no wand so no chances to do anything against others. Not to mention his father telling him that it was forbidden to use magic if you aren't an adult already and even then if you used magic in front of muggles you would get condemned to prison at the worst.

Now he glanced at Lucius again and recalled their debate last night. He still didn't know how to act around him. He certainly didn't want to talk about it nor feel his pity. Pity was almost more annoying that talking about it, almost. He fell back onto the bed and somehow he drifted back to sleep. After an hour he woke up to the blasted nurse coming to wake them up for breakfast. Lucius was stuck there for one more day as he went to great hall for breakfast. Gratefully he thanked Poppy and left the room thanking Merlin that he didn't have to stay in the same room with Lucius any longer. He would get some free time to think about thing freely.

To be continued

Looking with soft puppy-eyes and spraying for your review!


	8. Chapter 8

Hey again all! or should I say Kendra… I certainly hope I have other readers than just Kendra. However only she reviewed last time….And ahh, I don't own any of it! And thankssssss to you my lovely betareader Sherry! And Kendra, I certainly do my best to get it all through! Im not about to give up like that, not at least as long as people still review me.. I'm not too big review magnet it seems…..

I have to say it again…. WE ARE THE WINNER OF THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST! HARD ROCK HALLELUJAH! ME MADE OURSELVES TO THE WORLD MAP AT ONCEEEEEEEEEE!

Ahh, now feels better!

Chapter 8

However he didn't go to great hall. He knew better than think that he could eat anything just now. He wouldn't have had too much time to eat either so he just went back to his own room for his books. They would have Potion next and he was looking forward to it. The only bad point was that he would have to see those stupid prats once again. Well, they shouldn't have too much of a chance to do anything in class.

Once in class he took his usual seat in the back alone. Some took sat at the tables together but he enjoyed having a table just for himself. This was the way he liked to work with anything. He looked around and realized for the first time that Lily was here too. He smiled shyly at Lily and got a small smile back. What he didn't see was the angry glances given him by a couple of Gryffindors right after he smiled.

Black and Potter were sitting together when Snape got to class. What surprised them was that sly dared to smile at one of their classmate, though she was annoying, but still a Gryffindor. Moreover she answered his smile. That made them so mad and aggravated their vindictiveness went so far that they decided to act at once. This was actually a pretty easy place to try something as long as nobody saw. All the needed material was already on tap. It might also be best to warn that hussy about whom she could associate with.

Finally Professor Nichols came in and the class started. As soon as Severus heard that they were going to brew a mild bruise reducing ointment it aroused his interest. This would be what he needed for his own bruises. All he needed to do was to bottle some of it for himself...without anyone seeing naturally. Content with the advantage this potion would give him, he got up and went for his ingredients. He couldn't pass up this chance so better make it good. Then he read the instructions through slowly and it didn't seem to be too hard a concoction. At some point he noticed that he had not taken enough belladonna so he back for more.

When Severus left his table Potter used the chance to strike after making sure everybody else was concentrating on their own potions and that the teacher helping a slytherin in correcting his potion. They were supposed to use lizard's tail liquid but he changed the watery looking ingredient to water with a simple spell. This time sly wouldn't be getting his potion right and nobody would guess who was at fault. Content with himself he gave a sidelong glance at the now happily brewing sly and grinned cheekily.

When Severus got back to his table he was unfortunately unaware of what had happened and just kept going with his potion. He got engrossed with his brewing and when Joe came to check on his Potion he startled when man called his name. Being surprised he looked up and met the horrified look on his teacher's face and he blinked his eyes and asked.

"Oh, is there something wrong with it? I think I followed the instructions just right…" He then looked at his ingredients and noticed something startling, his lizard's tail liquid didn't smell as it should anymore. He got frightened and started to babble. "I-I-I don't' understand how that happened. I took it from the ingredient shelf at the beginning of the class. Or maybe I did mess it up somehow…"

Joe raised his hand and Severus stopped his babbling at once. He was already thinking that it was his fault in some odd way. The before-mentioned ingredient started to smell like it should. And his potion turned to the right shade of blue as it should be. Severus checked his instructions and it was exactly the right color, he got so excited but he really wondered what the problem was in the first place. He glanced at his teacher with a puzzled expression on his face hoping he knew what had happened. What surprised him was that his teacher turned to glare at the other students as he slanted his eyes. Then finally he told Severus what the problem was.

"It just so happens that someone turned your lizard's tail liquid to water. Fortunately this person's transfiguration abilities aren't too good and the transfiguration didn't last too long. Severus, do you know who might have done it?" Getting only silence and Severus' crimson red face as an answer he turned to look at other students lividly. "I shall tell you that if this prank had gone one a little bit longer there might have been an explosion and the one responsible would have been in a great deal of trouble. I can only thank this dunderhead's poor transfiguration abilities that nothing worse happen. If anybody knows who was responsible I wish to know for the proper punishment."

His voice changed to calm tone and he spoke to Severus who just stared at him wordlessly.

"You are extremely lucky that your potion is still all-right, not thanks to that prankster. Actually it seems to me that you are again doing the best potion in this class if there arn't any more chances, but it is unlikely when taking into account how little time we have still left." After a last smile at Severus Joe retreated to check on the other potions.

When Severus first realized that his potion was somehow wrong he instinctively thought that he was at fault though he couldn't think how he did it wrong. He tried to explain it desperately until the teacher stop his explaination. First he thought that teacher was angry with him for his failure but a moment later one of his ingredients changed its odor and that confirmed what went wrong. True enough his potion turned to right looking color, after checking he was sure it was the right color. Slowly his embracement started to wear off. Just a bit too quickly though. At next moment Joe was asking him for a possible delinquent. That really set him off for a moment. He had an idea who might have done it but he wasn't about to tell. He had his own way to pay back the coulpret but it wouldn't be with the teacher's help.

However he couldn't resist succumbing to his usual reaction. The information that he got caught being pranked on was something embarrassing to every time. He redden because of the prank and how he showed his emotions. That was making him even more embarrassed, which perpetrated an annoying circle. His teacher yelling at others didn't help much either. He hated to be the center of so much attention. He was very tempted just to run away but he kept his nerves and stayed there to take every bit of embarrassment as calmly as he could.

However something helped even if just a bit. Just now and then Joe commented on his potion and even after his earlier embarrassment it warmed his heart a lot. It felt good to be the best actually. To succeed better than those idiots who were undoubtedly responsible for the prank. Another good thing was that their prank didn't go so well and his potion was still all right and he could still use it on himself later. The only thing needed was to bottle some of the potion and hide it so that nobody saw. He didn't want people to wonder why he would need such a potion as bruise reducing ointment. Perhaps then if he could make his bruises go away he could even convince Lucius how wrong he was with his assumption. Perhaps he didn't see too much…

At the end of the class he prepared his potion happily and everything went as it should. It turned out that other potions were at least slightly wrong and his was only one perfect. He got some of it for his own use without anyone noticing. He did his best to forget as people shot glances at him as he waited for the others to finish their own potions. The small bottle in his pocket was yelling to be used and he was actually pretty much daydreaming through the rest of the class.

At lunch he took something small and went left quickly so he could use his first batch of the ointment. He found his way to the bathroom, which he knew to be, avoided. Yeah, Moaning Myrtle was there floating in the air once again. He didn't really enjoy her company but didn't want to avoid her either. Most of her comments were too enlightening and he could guess what kind her life she had. This was only the third time he entered this bathroom but he already pitied the poor ghost. She was condemned to live here with her memories. Everything he had heard about Myrtle showed that people thought her to be a little crazy or something. Honestly there was nothing wrong with her, she just reacted as she thought people were going to tease her all the time. This thought made him shiver as he remembred that particular information. However Myrtle seemed to be trustworthy enough so he could do it here.

He greeted the sad ghost and placed the ointment in front of his eyes. He looked at its creamy surface carefully. At the last moment he glanced at Myrtle one more time before he took his ropes and shirt off. Myrtle was looking extremely sad and bewailed when she saw his bruises. He tried to explain that it had been just an accident but Myrtle just kept looking at him sadly and sympathetically. After vainily trying to explain he gave up and just made Myrtle swear that she wouldn't tell anyone about this. The ghost was a little too understanding about it and it actually annoyed Severus more than her bewailing.

He spread the ointment on his body and at first it made him feel somewhat numb; that was a welcome. He didn't know how quickly it would help but he hoped that it was soon, then he wouldn't have to worry about this any longer. It seemed to be too hard to keep things like that hidden in this school. He wasn't really happy about it but it was a fact.

He had to hurry to his next class and it was so much eaiser to move now that his upper body was feeling numb instead of painful. What was good was that they had History so it was a good time contemplate what to do next. He knew that he should decide what to do about Lucius but he couldn't get himself to think logically just now. Lucius had seen them undoubtedly, there was no denying that. It was more that he wanted to make sure that he wouldn't tell anyone about them and if the evidences was already taken care of at least he would have no proof. He played with idea of going up there and speak with Lucius but he came up with the dilemma of what to say him. The truth was he wanted just deny everything but that was already impossible. Not once had he had to at any time explain to anyone any of this and now… if was really bad that Lucius knew.

Eventually the class ended and it was lunchtime. He wasn't feeling particulary hungry but still it was better to go and get something to eat. He forced himself to eat something though it was a reluctant act and halfway through he saw something that caused him lose the last bit of his appetite that he still possessed. Black and Potter were walking to the door casting angry looks at him He figured it was because of their unsuccessful pran. Not to mention getting called dunderheads with poor transfiguration abilities might have something to do with it. Taking it into account, he should go to the library and check out some useful spells for those dunderheads. However, first classes and (sighing) detention. Why on the earth did he succeeded in getting detention for the first week? Yup, these same dunderheads were again responsible. Now, Lucius could have been able to help, he already offered to tell me some good spells just a few days ago…. Although the situation was little different then… Asking Lucius to help would mean having to tell him something.

All this thinking had give him a headache so he just gave up thinking and went to his next class, Dark Arts. They had to read about trolls for the t half of hour of class and then the next hour and half was reserved for writing down the answers to the questions Mrs. Longbottom asked them. At the end of the class she collected all the papers and checked them writing a few words of comments quickly. When Severus got his own parchment back he found the comments "Perfect answers! Keep up good work!" , he smiled to himself.

There was only one class left for today but unfortunately it happened to be Charms. He crawled to the class reluctantly and took his place in the corner. He was determined to stay unnoticeable this time, especially after the last fieascal. They were to spell the sparrows they were given to silence. Although he found the spell far too easy which meant he wasn't able to keep his promise to stay in the background once again. This was beginning to be habit for him, getting noticed in class. He was looking at the very silent sparrow in front of him when Flitwick caught him finally.

"Ohhh, Mr. Snape! I'm so happy you succeeded to do it first again! You are a really gifted young wizard I might say! Five points for a well-done incantation and for being quicker than five minutes. I would be so happy to see more successful incantations everyone. As you see it isn't so hard!"

The unwanted attention got Severus shrinking back once again. He just pretended to read for rest of the lesson. For once hardly anybody else got the incantation right and most of the students were to write a two foot essay on the 'Silencio' Charm. As he left the class he heard someone whisper "As easy as pie. Like if everyone of us would be as smart-assed as some people"

There wasn't much chance to whom this person meant he thought. He remained behind as everyone else headed to the great hall and once everyone was out of site, he slid down the wall. He had no idea what he wanted to do now. His own classmates were thinking he was some proud smart-ass. Only a few people came talk to him and two of them hardly ever. He wouldn't hope for Lily to come to him like that again, to cunning sly who was only paltering around; or so most non-slytherins were thinking. Antonio wasn't really his friend, he just happened to speak to him that one time even it was for a stupid mistake. On top of all Lucius… that was another matter. He didn't know if he wanted anything to do with him any longer at least as long as he needed to explain this stupid matter to him. Well, now he forgot two people, the dunderheads.

And talking of the devil… there they were in front of him.

Now, really big thanks to you Kendra the hyper one, I'm happy that even you reviewed. However, how come not one another review? Look guys, I need my gas too, so please review! You give me power to write with your reviws so don't be afraid even say just couple of words! Make me eager to write more with your reviews!


	9. Chapter 9

First I need to admit something, I don't own any of it. Not a single word. J.K.Rowling does. Not that I'm so sad about it as I love HP books. I just wish her Snape would be presented in little better light. She isn't telling everything about Severus' past but I try to patch up the matter . Ok. Perhaps I'm not going always in so canon but this is the way I can see his past somehow. I have a feeling that what farther I get with this fic I get more and more AU but actually I'm not sorry for it. I'm already finding myself giving Severus a little more company than I ever thought first. I just cannot help it but I think he deserves someone around! I hope you don't mind guys but I'm wanting to give a little longer AC for once. And yup I never betaread my personal comments. I don't see it worth of it. It is my own matter what I wanna tell you guys.

I tell you something, I had hard times getting on with this chapter for some time but then something tricked me into the mood for once. Since our country won the Eurovision song contest I was in such ecstasy that I had hard times concentrating on the chapter and even on all computer. And now really it is not likely that we would win it like that. It was our 40th time when we were trying our luck and a long dream came true finally Lordi is our Hero! Hard rock Hallelujah!.

Well now honestly… my hubby started acting as idiot for once and that can be contagious as you can understand. He can be such an idiot sometimes, but sigh, my idiot. I never fail using it to my advantage actually as I start writing easily at times like this. Well, most of the time I get my best text in times like this. Actually this whole story started in bad time with him but even before it I had been fantasizing writing about this topic and only reason why I didn't do it first was that I was unsure how I should go on with it and I was afraid of starting something which I have no ability to write about as I really have my limits which I can write about. But really always sometimes he gives me such a stimulus to write something really good when he is acting idiot. I would never confess that to him but he is reason for some of my best fics in first place. Its funny that once I got into the mood I got all 9th chappy ready in one day and I got it five pages long at this time!. Well as ready as I can make it to be with my English knowledge. In this light, I'm forced to dedicate this chapter to my husband at these circumstances but he will never know that fact. However, that wasn't all of it. Then I had one new problem, my betareader was on holiday and I had to look for reserve betareader. I found one but she found to be too busy to do it quickly. Later on I finally gave partly betaread chapter to my normal betareader as she came back. I'm really sorry that this updating took that long but here I'm now, I was it was worth of waiting. Now, get to the story!

Chapter 9

He gulped when he saw those idiots again. What timing, just when he was sitting down they decided to appear in front of him. Moreover, they weren't there alone. There was some tremulous boy with them; didn't look too bright either. Well nobody who was with these idiots could be really smart actually Severus thought. Well, there was no reason he should allow them to play with him any further. He looked at them defiantly and said.

"Hello dunderheads. How come you are all so silent? Cat got your tongue? You were so meek in the potions class few hours ago. Didn't have the guts to tell which of you did it, did you? Although I think you might be ashamed of yourself now. You didn't even succeed to maintain your spell for very long with your clumsy transfiguration abilities. Maybe you should reconsider if you are really worthy of being in Gryffindor… I think you would do better in Hufflepuff…" He was going to on but he got interrupted in the middle of his rant.

"Shut up you despicable sly! How you dare to speak to us like that? Moreover, why were you smiling at Lily today? You have no right to even look in her direction!"

Severus was about to reply but apparently Potter was against it as he called out a feeble Silencio spell.

For several second Severus felt as if the spell was trying to affect him but it stopped after few seconds. So he let out hearty laugh and said.

"Is this all you can do? I can show you how to make it a little better! 'Silencio'." Potter really stayed silent for once and since he realized what just happened he started to move his mouth wrathfully but no word came out. Severus just smirked and inquired:

"Do you even know the counter curse for it? How about you Black? Wish to get sample the same fate? And I wouldn't dare say that Lily was exactly your friend as far as I know her!"

Black was staring at him intently as Potter was still moving his mouth vehemently. Black started his curse causing Severus to acted quickly. He sent a finger-locking curse at the other boy and in that instant his fingers stiffened up and his wand dropped to the floor. The third boy who was with them was now behind the corner glancing at them like some coward. Just then Potter who had a hard time trying get his spells working in his current state decided to change to different tactic. He attacked Severus from behind and kicked him with all his strength in the stomach. It only bought them a little time, as Severus didn't stand up again for one minute. They got cold feet and ran away.

Severus felt the kick hit his stomach and he flew backward onto his back. His stomach was burning with pain that he only just got used to being without; moreover it intensified from earlier. Somewhere in the background he heard the idiots yelling at each other and running away. The pain had his eyes watering but he tried to fight against it, he didn't succeed fully but at least it was just few tears that he shed. The hit had knocked the wind from his lungs and he was gasping for air for some time. After moment he forced himself to moved next to the wall and sat there waiting for pain to subdue a little. Maybe his ointment would help this now too… of course he had to go to a better place for it though. At least classes had ended for today. Though he still had one more detention to go to. Just when he remembered he realized that he was already late.

He got up quickly, actually a little too quickly as he felt dizzy. But he was late so he had to go. He didn't want to be in any more trouble than he already was. He rushed to the moving staircase no matter how badly it affected his still painful stomach. Damn idiots, it wasn't a new thing to him that people hurt him; actually he was quite used to it. He was more alarmed because he was late because of them. Well, he managed few spells thrown at them and was it really amazing that Potter was as bad at spelling as it looked? That thought made him feel better and he started whistling something of his own creation as he reached the class he was to clean.

Mr. Filch was waiting for him and not in too good mood either. Most likely because he was late. He didn't want explain his reason why he was late no matter what though. He only listened to Filch's complaining patiently for five minutes before he got to work, having received another hour that day as punishment for being tardy. He attached the dirty floor again. Gash, it hurt to bend down just now. He checked around to see if there was anything else he could do, and there was. He started to clean up the walls and though they looked bad they weren't so hard to clean. After three hours the walls were looking pretty good.

Finally he was free. It was pretty late already but he would better go somewhere to put some more ointment onto his body before night. . He went to Myrtle's bathroom. It really was a relief to feel the numbing effects of the ointment finally. When he went to his room he was happy that Lucius was still in the hospital wing. It wouldn't last too much longer though. Tomorrow morning he would be back and he'd have to face him again. He still didn't know what he wanted to tell to him and time was running out. He couldn't stand the thought of facing him again now that he knew his secret. Moreover tomorrow they would have to do teamwork together. Slowly he drifted into an erratic sleep.

He was having a weird dream where he had confined in Lucius and told him about his fellow students' treatment in his earlier school. The only result was something incredible bad, Lucius didn't keep it secret and he'd told everyone about it. After a few hours the whole school seemed to know about his past hardships. Lucius had been laughing at him afterward once he had told about all of it. It wasn't a nice feeling as the only person he trusted even a little here turned his back on him. He tried to stay away from everyone, as all the people seemed to start whispering when they saw him and he felt so devastated. All the people shooting him short glances and started to whisper something to each other. He never wanted to fall back to his earlier treatment but now it was looking really bad. He came to only one good decision and started to stay out of everyone's way. It wasn't that hard after all as he had done that half of his life but god it hurt to start it all over again. Especially when he now had some idea that things could have gone better. He wasn't feeling as lonely anymore as he always felt before. Everything was so much harder now when he knew what he was losing. It was easier to manipulate himself into not caring when you didn't see a better life but only the loneliness. But falling back into old habit were getting to him. He was crying in a silent corner of the basement.

He woke up to a wet pillow and he had hard times knowing if the dream was true or not. For the moment he thought it all had really happened and he was still sitting on the cold floor but he glanced around him and he realized that it was just a dream. He let out a sign that he didn't realize he was keep in just then. However the dread didn't leave him as he contemplated if it really could be possible. He didn't want to be alone any longer, he wanted just to be one of the guy without feeling so isolated. He tried in vain to say that it was just a dream but he kept wondering if it really would happen. Somehow he fell back to sleep for a couple of hours and when he woke this time he didn't remember what he dreamed. Even the earlier dream was starting to fade a bit from his mind. Though he still felt nervous but in a different way now. Now he was anticipating the coming lessons. He didn't feel like going to breakfast as he thought that Lucius would be there and the thought about meeting him was causing his stomach to churn so he just prepared for class.

First they had transfiguration and they were to transform a tiny ball into a bigger ball. He found it actually entertaining and he kept enlarging his ball bigger and bigger before he returned it to its normal size. Lucius who was a few benches away from him glanced at him sometimes but never saw Severus looking back. Who was doing it of course intentionally and trying to avoid seeing Lucius as long as possible. Lucius acknowledged the clear shunning however he knew it wouldn't last too long as they had double session of magical creatures next and they would have to work together in it.

Magical creatures lessons came quickly and before they noticed they were face-to-face looking at the essay in front of them. Nat McCallum seemed to be especially happy that Lucius was finally back and he made certain that Lucius was aware of what they were doing at the moment. She was happy to hear that Severus had already enlightened him. She even looked through what they had written down so far and pointed out some small errors in it for correcting. The boys listened eagerly to the teacher as long as she was explaining things to them but as soon as they were alone neither of the boys said a word. Lucius started to speak about the research needed and Severus was relieved that they wouldn't have to sit there in silence. He himself wasn't feeling very talkative personally but he tried to go contribute to the topic if not for anything else then for showing that he could do it. Honestly he was used to being a firth wheel in the group and most of the time the teacher was the one telling him who he would be with when everybody else took their own partners.

As usual, he tried to act as if nothing was wrong for the teacher's sake. There was no use in alerting the teacher with his actions. They discussion was purely on the essay all throughout the lesson. Severus didn't let Lucius go to any other topic for the whole time. It was better to stay on a safe topics. After the lesson he tried to shake Lucius off from his walk but he stuck to him. They went to lunch together, Severus unwillingly but Lucius insisted on following him he went eventually. During lunch Severus kept glancing at Lucius uncertain how to take this intense interest of being in his company, especially after so many vain attempts at trying to shake him off.

Lucius clearly saw that Severus was not so open with him anymore. All through the lesson he stuck to the topic a little too forcefully and if Lucius tried to speak about anything else his friend turned the topic back to what they were working on. After the lesson he had a hard time keeping company to his reluctant companion as he kept getting excuses about why the should split up. However he did it in a real polite way. He was certain Severus didn't really need to go the bathroom as he saw disappointment in his friend's eyes when he said that he would wait for him and they could go to the great hall together as usual. Lucius wondered how he could patch up the situation. He liked Severus and wanted to still be his friend. He still seemed to stay pretty much by himself and hardly spoke to other people. He listened to others a lot but hardly ever commented on their conversations. And again there seemed to be one or two guys who seemed to be after Severus. As it was proved one day when he found him in the corridor clearly knocked out, with a spell or not but that didn't matter. He seemed to be very secretive about it even back then. And when he suggested going to hospital wing he got a very strong refusal. No matter how Severus seemed to be feeling. And now thinking about his bruises, Lucius realized such a treatment was not new to Severus. Then he remembered clearly the shape of the bruises. They were small kids' footprints. And as Severus seemed to be very secretive about them… Somehow he couldn't imagine that it would have been Severus' brother doing it, surely his parents would do something about it. It was more likely that it was other children, possible in his earlier school. He would have to confirm it somehow. But taking into account Severus' reactions that wasn't likely. Moreover Severus was too shy and cautious most of the time. Maybe he would get some information out of Severus inconspicuously. So that he didn't even notice that's what he was doing it for.

So he tried to get the silent boy who was pushing food around on his plate to speak. In the middle of his chitchat he said.

"My family is a respected part of the pureblood community. They were in Slytherin and I'm proud to be worthy of their reputation. I knew before coming here that I was going to be in Slytherin. I was curious, what are your parents are like, were they in Hogwarts too?"

Severus dropped his fork when he heard that question. He wasn't certain what he wanted to say but knew he didn't want say too much. The less people knew about him the better and Lucius knew far too much about him for his own good.

"I… My dad didn't get permission to go here and he was actually a bit jealous of my coming here."

"How about your mother then?" This question annoyed Severus to no end. Moreover it brought long buried feelings to the surface and he tried to keep the tears inside. He could still see his mother's body in front of his eyes as if it happened just yesterday. Somehow he succeeded in holding back the tears but he had to fight seriously for it.

"She's… I heard that she was in Ravenclaw from my dad. She isn't… some dirty muggle killed her for little more than for a few euros. They never found that damned muggle whom shot her." He couldn't stop himself from saying it. He tried to keep his face calm but he knew he badly failed in it.

"Ohhh, I'm so sorry to hear."

Severus only nodded silently and kept pushing the food around on his plate. It was the only thing he could do if he wanted to keep his dignity just now. He mumbled something that he had to do and this time Lucius didn't insist and he fled. He didn't think about where he was going, he just ran blindly. Finally he found himself in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. The fight he had against his tears ended and he just let himself cry. He tried to tell himself that he didn't have too much time but you just cannot tell your emotions to stop floating as you wish. He decided to talk to Myrtle if not for anything else then for some distraction. She wasn't too far away and was looking at him. He didn't know what he wanted to say but he just said whatever came to mind.

"I… a stupid muggle man just killed her and spoiled my life. They never ever caught him and I couldn't get even that satisfaction that he got what he deserves. My dad never got over it and I had to bear his drinking and then everything else went to hell in a hand basket. All my life the muggles were trying get me break but they never succeeded. They are just piece of shits who are trying to torment wizards as much as possible. I never wanted any of it to happen. I never wanted to be different. I never wanted to be in this situation. I never wanted anything else but their acceptance, which they never granted. I couldn't even trust my dad any longer in his current state as he was usually drunk so I never told him about anything that those people were doing to me. I only wanted to be one of them but they never allowed me to be. I'm ill starred. I always end up in fiasco. I really tried to have a new beginning here but I don't think that things are going so well so far. Damn, I really should calm down soon so I might look even relative normal when I go to the class. (He paused for a moment and took a deep breath. Only now he realized what he had told to Myrtle.) I'm sorry Myrtle for ranting at you. It really isn't my habits of complaining to anyone, I just…. Please keep it all to yourself, ok? Myrtle was again smart and just nodded eagerly and promised to keep it secret over her dead body. If Severus would have been in better mood he would have smiled at badly mangled choice of words but really it was only a figure of speech after all. Surely even ghost used some of the same idioms as they used before their death.

He went to the sink and tried to turn it on but it wouldn't work. He noticed the snake engraving on it and just shrugged his shoulders. He tried the next sink and this time he had better luck. He washed his face and hoped that he looked okay. He realized that he should add the next patch of ointment to his body while he was here. The potion was really mild as the teacher had told them and his bruises were lessening but they still weren't gone. However the feeling the ointment gave was worth its weight in salt. He was certain that he look normal enough and went to potions. He knew his eyes might still be a little bit red but he hoped that nobody would notice, as he really had to go so he wouldn't be late.

At the classroom people were waiting for the teacher to come and he was left waiting away in the shadow. However someone noticed him, Lucius. He came by and told him that he was sorry for bring up bad memories. He really didn't know it before. Severus knew that was true he was just so damn weak that he couldn't think of his mother without getting flashbacks. Even though he knew that it was better let the dead bury their dead that advice wasn't the piece of cake it sounded to b. He nodded as an answer and gave a tiny smile. Lucius seemed really relieved after that. Then the teacher came and gave them group work. Lucius didn't ask for Severus just to test how he would react. For few minutes he didn't even look at him but finally Severus came to him and asked silently.

"Do you mind if we …"it was a silent and shy request but a request nonetheless. Lucius smiled and accepted it. Somehow he felt protective about Severus. He was always so nervous but he might bite your head off for one wrong comment. Somehow he wanted to earn his trust but he sensed that it wouldn't be easy. He wondered if other boy had ever trusted anyone. However he knew there was a lot more to Severus than people could see. Still waters run deep.

First off thank you for you Kendra-the hyper one and Nita who was second taking this story to alert or favorites. And Kendra, really I don't mind rambling in reviews you are very welcome to do so! I also myself tend to do that so well sometimes, lol. And no, I have never seen Bubble Boy. And Nita, Thankssss a lot for your review! I hope you will have enjoyable reading moments with my story!

Now, I professor Snape will give you a bit homework!

Now I hope you to answer to one question for me which have been bugging me for a while. I know there's American English and British English. My question is which one I'm using. Even if it is somekind mix please do tell which one it is more. I have had teachers from both countries in Paltalk and even not native teachers though I admit that I might have been getting some more practice from American people. Only I ask is to tell me the truth as it really have been bugging me, I wanna know which English I'm using. To this day whenever I ask that question anybody I know I get very unsure answers and it annoys me to no end. Don't forget to comment my story. I don't care if it is positive, negative, just a few words or even flame, just gimme your review!

Giving Snape's death-glare at people who just read this and warns not to forget to answer to my question if you don't wanna get painful detention! (Maybe, just maybe, you might also give a few words about this chappy too ! ) Moreover, I have next chapter ready and betaread, it is in my power to release! I will do that sooner if you can make me happy with your reviews! If not… I might wait for a bit longer before I will post it! So… how it was?


	10. Chapter 10

First off, Thankssssssssss to you Sherry! I love having you betareading my story! I wanted to give my regular warning that I'm NOT giving my author comments then for betareading so forgive my possible grammar mistakeas with it!

Second, I own something! I own something for once! I own my new Finnish character named as Valtteri! Everything else, Rowling's inventions or some even some other actors or singers names. It really works for me better to have few new teachers with names I know from something as I really such with getting English names to my mind if I hadn't heard it somewhere before and plenty of times with that.

I always wanted to give my story some Finnish character but there was never really good chance and I like my Valtteri who I invented. I simple have studied the matter somewhat and there really is a lot Finnish people in some cities and communities in different places of America and some other countries. Only I needed to patch up a story why he had learnt so much English though he was so young as no normal Finn would be good English speaker as being that young, moreover I wanted him to have real Finnish accent so he had to be born and lived in Finland for most of his life. We really don't hear any English here outside of the few English classes, well perhaps movies but nobody never gives any attention to them as we can see subtitle all the time and with young children they even hear their children programs with Finnish language as they wouldn't' be able to read subtitles yet. I'm babbling, now get to the story!

Chapter 10

Severus wasn't sure why he was acting as he was. Since Care of Magical creatures Lucius stuck to him and shook off his every discreet try to get rid of him. He genuine wanted just to be left alone and Lucius' show was bugging him greatly. No excuse would turn him off. Also he didn't believe that Lucius was doing it just to be friendly, no person liked to be around him without some ulterior motive. His instinct was telling him to stick to his old habits and nothing bad would happen to him. Don't let them near you and they won't hurt you. However he didn't want to be too obvious in trying to get rid of Lucius because he didn't want him to suspect anything was amiss. Lucius already knew far too much about him for his liking. He didn't want to admit to himself that he wanted and needed some company as he had learnt to suppress that need a long time ago. At dinner Lucius had made comfortable again and he spoke about his mother. He hadn't intent to say so much about her to Lucius but his mouth had a mind of its own and he felt he screw up. He was sooooooooo near to losing his dignity just then. Lord if he ever made that mistake he'd cry in the great hall. Luckily Lucius accepted his excuse and didn't follow him for once and he made it to the sanctuary before tears came. Moreover he regretted giving Myrtle far too much information when he was overcame by emotions. He cursed his life to oblivion as he realized how much he had just told to both Myrtle and Lucius.

Later, Lucius dared to approach him again to apologize. It certainly knocked him off his feet but smartly he kept it inside. He only wanted Lucius to forget everything and so he tried to act as if he was fine with it when really he wasn't. There was no sense alerting Lucius. It was shameful enough that here he was with puffy eyes in front of all. He thanked Merlin that it was dim down here. He had decided to be on his own for a while but no such luck. Nichols had decided to assign teamwork for once. He tried to see if there was anyone else to pair up with but no such luck. As his teacher's glance lingered on him he gave up and asked Lucius to team up with him. After all he didn't want to show his teacher how things really were. It was more important to keep façade up than keep his promise for staying as far from Lucius as possible.

It was a long hour when Lucius kept trying to keep up some kind chitchat about the potion and other things and he being resigned to his destiny game some short answers. He was happy that he'd had his detention next as he would get some peace for once. After potion he was about to run off already when Lucius commented that he didn't eat that much at lunch and it might be better to eat something before the detention. He obeyed meekly and went to get a small snack though he wasn't really feeling that hungry. As they were in great hall he wondered to himself why on the earth he was reacting as he was. He was facilitated when he finally went for his detention. Once he began cleaning he found he was concentrating more on thinking than actual cleaning.

He really wondered why he didn't fight more against everyone, as he was not used to having company, as he felt that he really wasn't such a dream friend as some others. He genuine wondered why on the earth Lucius really wanted to be around him and why he was speaking to him so much no matter how reluctantly he accepted it. He honestly wanted to be with somebody but it was so damn hard to realize that somebody would have wanted it without some ulterior motive. Anyways sometimes he found somebody who might accept his company for the moment but never in school. Even then it was always as if they got bored, there was a huge risk that they might start mocking and teasing him until he ran off and cried somewhere in private swearing never to be near them again. He might keep his word for day or two but always afterward he resigned himself he came back to them. He thought to himself 'would you like to be away from only person who could stand to be around you?' He hated his weakness for always coming back after the bad times, but they were his only real human contact that were around his age. Also he needed to show the adults around him that he was all right and going out with "friends" just like everyone else. Moreover he didn't want to be at home so much anymore as his dad might be there and drunk and believe me that wasn't so great either.

Sure he had his own ways to escape from all of it. He had become addicted to everything connected with horror and thrillers, including everything supernatural. So he watched his horror movies and read his horror books and investigated anything to do with the supernatural. Somehow it made it all feel just a bit easier for him at the moment. He was for a change seeing things that were a lot worse than what was happening in his life. Nobody ever looked after him much since his mother's death and sometimes he didn't know why he kept going. Even the few "friends" he had had given up on him a little over year ago and since then he was just hanging around alone. For the moment he was relieved to be just left alone, as he wasn't teased any longer. Occasionally he received some small mocking but he didn't call that teasing, it was just so mundane. Now, Lucius was trying to do… he wasn't even certain what he was trying to do. The only sure thing was that he didn't want to get his hopes up. If he dared to get his hopes up he always ended up getting hurt. On the other hand, he didn't let himself trust Lucius' company because he knew that he wouldn't be able to take another disappointment.

He hardly noticed when Filch came back and muttered annoyed that this his last detention had ended. The room looked different already and Severus looked around himself proudly. He was going to miss this cleaning actually as it gave him something soothing to focus on. As soon as Filch released him he scampered off to Myrtle's bathroom. He greeted the poor girl politely as he took care of his upper body once again. Fortunately his bruises were already fading. Afterward he felt that he need to be alone somewhere and he certainly knew where to go for it. He made his way to the lake and his usual place there for the first time in a few days. Once there he relaxed and let his gaze linger on the moving surface of the water. He closed his eyes listening to the waves that were lapping at the shore.

He was just sat there for some time until he heard someone approaching him. He flinched involuntarily as he looked around to see who was there. When he saw her his heart did extra an beat and he didn't know whether to hide behind the trees or just wait there wondering why she was there. Finally the familiar carrot top was near him and he greeted her in a shaky voice. This was another person with whom he didn't know if he could trust or not. Lily seemed all right but who knew… Just Merlin, those green eyes were a startling sight.

Lily sat down and commented on how peaceful a place this was, Severus added in his mind that 'at least before she got here'. Aloud he just agreed with it. Then Lily told him what was her reason for coming here.

"You know those idiots Black and Potter" Severus just grunted and Lily continued "they thought they'd teach me a bit about whom I might be safe with and who not. There wasn't any doubt that all those comments about Slytherins meant especially you. I'll tell you what I gave them a piece of my mind for it. They are only biased idiots who think they are the perfect image of Gryffindors but I have to disagree with that."

Severus just looked at her unsure and stated shakily. "Oh, what if… if it were safer to just listen to them and stay away from problems like that. What if its not worth it to stay around me." Now Lily's eyes started to narrow and her voice changed to impatient.

"Come on! Is that really what you want? Look me in the eyes and tell me if that is what you really want." Severus did nothing so Lily continued. "So I thought. If you give in to their will once they will only get worse. I'll do nothing they ask. I hope I proved that to them already." Severus couldn't help but be curious about how she proved it so he asked.

"I wonder… how did you prove it to them?" At that Lily actually laughed and started to tell him with twinkling eyes.

"That I shall tell to you. I wonder how many have actually ever gone against them but I won't let people tell me what to do. They really didn't ask too much. He first tried to flatter me and commented my eye color but I knew that was bullshit! The only thing he wanted was to get me to agree with him not to make acquaintance with you. Speaking of which, would you like to sit beside me during the next potion lesson?"

This girl was really nutter he thought but in a good way. He couldn't help but grin when he heard her asking for him to sit with him. He shook his head and asked her.

"You do realize that it will piss them off, don't you?" She surprised him with a grin at that response.

"Yup, that's the point! That is what he really asked for by telling me to stay away from you." She answered in a voice that it made it crystal clear that she was adamant about her decision. That made Severus laugh and he wondered aloud.

"I really wonder why on the earth you came to be a Gryffindor with so sly a temperament." He didn't mean to say it aloud and her answer bewildered him.

"Actually the hat was really considering putting me into Slytherin but I insisted on going to Gryffindor as one of my friend made it into Gryffindor. It really tried to change my mind but I'm not one easily persuaded.

Severus thought that it was probably true. She was totally opposite of himself with her high self-esteem. He just shook his head. However Lily went on.

"Honestly you shouldn't let them away with what they did in potion class" she glared at him spitefully and he seethed for the first time in this discussion. He tried to answer her.

"Actually I didn't…." Lily cut him off quickly.

"Yes you did. You got silent and were embarrassed when Nichols asked you if you knew the culprit, though you shouldn't be ashamed, it was their fault. I realized the truth when they tried to persuade me to their foolishnesses. Actually I should now be their telling Nichols who did it, but I wanted to speak to you first."

Severus was nearly boiling mad but he wanted to hold it back a bit because if he got too emotional he usually ended up giving too much information about himself. He told the girl with a forced cold voice.

"Its not like I own you any explanation but I'll give you it anyway and hope that will get you off from my back. I did give them a lesson later in the corridors. I would never get the teachers involved in my businesses. No, I handle my own problems all on my own. You know as Nichols said they really are clumsy with enchantments. Can't handle a single silencing spell so I have no reason to wonder why their transfiguration got so badly mangled in potion class.

"Ahh ok sounds like you really know what you are speaking about. Sorry for attaching but I just cannot stand people behaving as those idiots do. It isn't really your fault that they are idiots. I'd almost reconsider my placement in Gryffindor if it weren't for my old friend. He moved from America and when I heard people mocking his accent here in England I couldn't stand it. He was grateful for my support and we've been friends ever since."

Severus was already calmed down however he was curious as to why on the earth any American should get teased for their accent. He knew there was quite of few Americans in this school and not once had he heard anyone mocking their speech. Perhaps Lily understood why he was looking astonished as she started to tell him more about it.

"Ahh, he wasn't born in America. He is originally from Finland he moved to America at the age of eight. They wanted to give their son a magic schooling, as there were no magic schools in Finland. They moved first to America because it was easier to move there as there were already so many Finnish people and at the same time their son would learn English more efficiently than he would in Finland. They do practice English there but only few hours in each week. Practicing English at school wasn't nearly enough to learn it properly especially when you don't hear English spoken outside the classroom. It was a year ago when they finally moved to England for schooling. His parents wanted to be near his school and it was the best way to do so. He learnt English quite well as he made a lot of friends in America. Some people think that his accent is a little bit strange as he doesn't pronounce some letters right but it is only because of his accent." At Severus questioning look she went on. " He pronounces both w and f as v, b as p, q as k, z as g and stuff like that. He's really a nice guy but some people make fun of him a bit for it here and it is just unfair. It's not like he can do anything about it. First language is always first language and you can never drop your accent from your first language." Now Severus finally answered back.

"Yeah, it's unfair. It must be hard to move away from one's own country to a brand new place where others speak a new language. I bet he's doing somewhat better than his parents with English though as he was that young when he moved to America."

"You hit the nail on the head! It's really hard for his parents. They lived in Thunder Bay where there were a lot other Finnish people. Actually there was just as much English that they were speaking a mix of Finnish and English. They call it Finglish. I have been told that it is mostly Finnish spiced up with some English words. They think that it is funny that no Finland Finnish nor Americans could understand it; it has taken that much English influence in it but not quite enough for the Americans to catch it. Still they wanted their son to learn better English so he would be able to come here when the time came so he went to some boarding school where he really learnt a lot. His parents know just enough English to be able to manage on their own now. Still I know they speak Finnish when they are at home. Sometimes I listened to it and it is a quite funny sounding language. It almost sounds like they are angry at each other all the time but I know better than that."

"That's really fascinating. That's quite a story. He must be proud to be able to speak that well that he can get along here. "

Lily nodded and went on" Yes he is. He is always trying so hard to learn even more but he really is doing fine. Even here he is always keeps that dictionary of his with him."

"What's his name by the way?"

Lily laughed and said something that sounded as vulttteri. When he asked again. Lily drew it on the sand. 'Valtteri' and pronounced it again. Severus said it like Valteri at the end and Lily only giggled at him and shook her head before commenting.

"Really, you are saying it as most people say it. Hardly any gets it right as it is a Finnish name. The right way to say it if is you have to remember to say both t's, and perhaps even try to say it with triple t's as it really is pronounced the long way. But don't worry, hardly anybody except me has learnt that so far and he won't mind, as it isn't quite an English name. Maybe you two will happen to meet someday and then you'll see. He really is nice."

"Yeah, that's possible. It's getting quite late and I guess we should be going in. Soon it'll be curfew and I don't want to lose any points for lurking around too late."

They both got up and Severus was still quite astonished because of what just happened. First, he still thought she was quite strange. Second, he wasn't sure he liked the way she seemed to easily get through to him and left him exposed to feelings, which were never a good occurrence. She simple disarmed him before he even noticed and it left him vulnerable. It really wasn't good as that always got him hurt in the end and he certainly wanted to protect himself. In that light he stopped doing that a long time ago and accepted that he was sentenced to be always alone and it was easier to keep himself in check so no one noticed anything was amiss. Down the drain all defensive walls and here he was defenseless and vulnerable in front of her. He simple couldn't keep himself distant to her no matter how much he tried. When they finally departed to their own directions Severus took a last longing look at her and shook his head before making his way to his room and to bed.

Later when he dreamed he saw Lily telling him that they would not meet again as she didn't want to get in more trouble than she already was in and left Severus stand there, trying to keep his façade up long enough so he could get to a private place where he would have some peace for his tears that were threatening to come. Unfortunately he never made it to a safe place and Black and Potter came up behind Lily. Potter greeted Lily warmly and then all of them looked at Severus who swallowed deep. Then Lily spoke.

"You really were that daft that you believed that I really would enjoy being in your company? It really was incredible fun to…" Just then he woke up to something. Lucius was they're shaking him and asking what the problem was. He only mumbled something about the dream he had in his half sleepy state and soon he was fully asleep again. However this time there were no disturbing dreams and he slept soundly until morning. Lucius was certain that he had heard him saying the word Lily in his sleep and he wondered why.

Now! Thanks a lot for you Nita and Kendra! If there was no reviews, no reason to write! As long as I want to impress myself with this writing I'm not doing it only for myself! Sorry for there was a slight waiting before I posted this but I really wanted to have my next chapter ready and at my wonderful betareader hands before I let this go. Now, as a bit answer to my reviews. Oh my god, yup certainly familiar exclamation! Well and I like swearing a lot though that is from my own language as I have hard times saying few sentences through in Finnish without one swearword, lol. I know I would never write colour, color sounds so much better. I hate forgetting h in pronunciation as they do too many times in british English. If I could pick up that easily how I speak, I'd speak southern accent, it sound so fabulous! Well, I'd be quite sure I'm more to American English though I'd never say it is purely that, but still more. I admit, I'm trying to learn mostly it with purpose! I'm leant to say words as gonna, wanna, cuppa just because I've wanted to learn them! I guess "learnt" is brittish one… Well, I said mostly.

Now, I professor Snape order you to review my story, if you will not obey my orders you'll be all serving a nice week length of detention with Mr. Filch! So get started with my review!(giving warning 'death' glare for reminding you!


	11. Chapter 11

Now first off I don't own any of it except my only one totally own character, Valtteri. Second, Sherry, I really love your work for my chapters! 

Now, I wanted you opologise all my readers as RL came between me and publishing this chapter. Nice Mr. computer virus came to visit to computer I'm using for internet purposes and I really don't know any other place to go for it. So, chapter was waiting in my mail for over week and I was trying not to get frustrated as waiting for after-sales service to do their job. And really, I wasn't doing a really good job at not getting frustrated over it. Now, please read this next chappy!

Chapter 11 

Severus was still sleeping soundly when Lucius woke up at nine. Lucius thought that if possible Severus was sleeping late. Unfortunately breakfast was fast approaching and as they only had a half of hour to eat he thought it best to wake him before it was too late. He tried calling Severus' name but his friend only turned away from him. He them tried pulling his pillow out from under his head that only led to a small "fight" about the pillow. He was about to get Severus' pillow when Severus' gripped his pillow and pulled to back under his head an annoying contented expression on his face. Lucius sighed and shook his head grinning in a sly way. This was becoming more like a challenge that a normal wake up call. He took out his wand and sent a small spell at Severus' blanket causing it to heat up just enough to make it uncomfortable to sleep with. Severus started to wrestle with his blanket and after a little fight he dropped it to the floor, abet still soundly sleeping. This was becoming pretty frustrating for Lucius; he had never seen such a deep sleeper before. Severus really should be fully awake by now with all he had done but there he was teasing him with his annoying sleeping habits. Lucius' Slytherin instincts took over and madly grinning he conjured his own little alarm clock...a bucket full of cold water. 

This time it worked perfectly perhaps too perfectly. Severus bolted upright in his bed and he actually looked a bit fearful. As Severus started and dashed to sit up in panic mode he automatically lashed out hitting Lucius in the stomach. Luckily he was still half asleep so it wasn't a fully powered punch. Still it left Lucius catching his breath as he'd had the wind knocked out of him. Lucius realized what he had done. His first reaction was to bring he hand to his mouth as he looked at his friend's pale face. Something kept him staring at Lucius with his mouth hanging open. Once again Severus' pajamas road up and his back was showing. His bruises were doing a lot better but were still visible. Severus himself obvious hadn't noticed the state of his pajamas and as Lucius was still trying to get his breath back he didn't say anything. Both were a bit shaken up and it was Severus who spoke first. 

"Oh… I', sorry" he was speaking in a faltering voice and it was clear that he was not at his best just now. Lucius was now recovered enough from the surprise punch and answered. 

"There's really nothing to forgive. Just relax, that was really entirely my own fault. I became too inspired to wake you up and I got carried away…Actually I'm the one to owe you an apology…" Severus took that a bit defensively and cut him off now with a stronger voice though he still sounded a bit sleepy. 

"No, I just reacted too strongly as usual." "I always screw up and take everything too seriously though I shouldn't." He muttered that last part but Lucius heard it anyways. He really looked as if he was serious and he looked angry almost like he was angry with himself even though there wasn't a real reason to be. Lucius knew that the other boy didn't realize yet how clearly he could see his back and thought that maybe now he could get some answers. Last time the other boy just backed up when he brought up this particular topic. He looked at the still confused boy feeling pity for him even thought he guessed that was the last thing Severus wanted. He decided to take the chance and ask about the bruises, as he would eventually notice that they've been seen again. 

"Look, I can't blame you for your reaction as according to what I've seen of you back this reaction was fully expected." Severus looked at his pajamas and as he noticed that his pajama's hem was up he lost the last bit of color in his cheeks. 

He was just getting the color back in his face but now he was paler that ever. He fully lost it. He looked so vulnerable as he looked at the floor so desperately. Lucius thought that this might work out well. To hell with breakfast this was far more important than any breakfast. He thought they could go to the kitchens later as he had been told how to get into the kitchen. Luckily it was Saturday and they wouldn't have anything to do. He thought that maybe they had better go someplace where they might speak in peace. So he suggested it to Severus. 

"I think we need to talk but perhaps not here where we might have witnesses. Do you know any place where we might get total peace?" He didn't really get an answer but the other boy started to get dressed so he waited. As soon as Severus put his robes on they were heading out the door. Lucius was curious about where they might be going and he soon got his answer. They reached a spot near the forbidden forest. God the guy who named the forest must have been so boring. 

As they were there Lucius took a look around and noticed that the place was surprisingly cozy. They were in the middle of a rocky place and might sit on the stony "chairs" and the shoreline was so close. He really understood why Severus liked this place. Hardly anyone could see them here if they were sitting down but they again why on earth would he like being here alone? He really shouldn't be like that. He looked at Severus and notice that he was staring at the water. Probably trying to put off the inevitable a moment longer. His hands were trembling for some reason and it wasn't because he was cold as it was warm outside. He realized that he had to be careful as it was clear how nervous Severus was. He didn't just start the conversation by asking bluntly what happened and he had his own Slytherin instincts to thank that for. He started carefully as he knew he would get better results if he did it the round about way. 

"Do you like it here at Hogwarts?" Severus let out a breath, probably was relived because of that "innocent" question. He laughed nervously and started to answer as Lucius smirked secretly at his brilliant thinking. 

"Yeah, its nice here. I never realized that studying magic could be fun and interesting. Everything is so exciting and so much nicer than before. I never really was one to enjoying studying before I came here. It was… I never liked school before and even now… Sometimes it's nice here but… I had hoped it was only a stupid muggle habit to…" Lucius didn't want stop Severus account of what happened. He could only guess why there were so many disjointed sentences he never stopped but it was pretty clear where the problem lay. The reason was connected to muggles and school. He already knew that a muggle man had killed his friend's mum but he wasn't certain if that was the only problem. However there was no explanation for his friend's bruises yet. He realized that Severus stopped talking and was again staring at the water. He might have to prod him up again to get any more answers. 

"Did you have many friends before Hogwarts?" He saw a defiant expression on his friend's face and knew not to annoy him too much if he didn't want Severus to run away again as he seemed to do quite often when confronted. Severus started to speak again in a stronger voice and even looked at Lucius. 

"Yes, I was with them outside of school even sometimes when they didn't…they were ok though they were sometimes a bit untrustworthy." There always seemed to be something Severus didn't want to say. Lucius had a feeling that Severus wouldn't have called these guys friends. However one thing was alarmingly clear…he would have to milk all the information he wanted to his questions out of Severus. 

"How about in school?" Lucius was even more alert than before. Severus started looking desperate and he raise his voice the more he talked. 

"I…they…what…it has nothing to do with anything. I don't owe you any explanation and here you are asking me these bloody questions! Why on earth I even came out here with you I'll never know." Lucius could see he was about to cry even though Severus tried to keep it to himself. He saw that Severus was really near the edge and that something was happening for better or worse. He made his next move. 

"Look, I'm not trying to do anything else here but understand why you would be keeping those bruises a secret. I honestly think that you should show them to someone…" 

"If I… … I don't want to answer any more questions and if I…I always kept it all a secret and now…I just can't…" Severus was actually shedding a few tears though he still tried to keep them hidden. Lucius added carefully trying to look in his friend's eyes. Severus refused to make eye contact. 

"I know it must be horrible to remember and perhaps you are afraid of revenge or something. Still it will do you good to tell somebody even if you aren't going to do anything about it. Maybe I can help you somehow… Without anyone else interfering if you want." He looked at the Severus the whole time he was saying that. Severus was extremely tense and breathing heavily. He was trying to stay calm despite the threatening flood of emotions that threatened to crack through his façade. Lucius thought sadly that was probably true. He saw other boy starting to get up ready to flee and pleaded him to stay. He didn't want him to go away like that no matter what. At this rate he would never speak to him again. Even answers weren't worth that. 

"Please, don't go! You don't have to tell me anything but please stay!" That got Severus to stop and he started to snarl at Lucius as if he was angry but his tears betrayed that belief. As he spoke his voice lost its venom and became subdued and shaky, the crying only got increased. However he just kept talking and Lucius was patiently listening. 

"YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH? FINE, THEY WERE IDIOTS, EVERY ONE OF THEM. Since my mother died everything good went down the drain. My dad was only trying to forget his pain and started to drink as well. NOBODY HELPED US! He used all of our money on alcohol and I got only second hand clothes for it. When school started my every dream about it shattered on the first day. Some stupid kids were commenting on my worn out clothes and they threw my packed lunch to the floor when teacher was out of sight after ripping it in two. As I was picking it up it somehow repaired itself. Good for me but the bad thing was they saw it. They looked at me strangely and called me a freak before retreating. I only wanted their acceptance but they never gave that. Things never got any better there and at first they were mostly looking at me oddly for the first few months but they got more guts then later. I told myself I'd get along without them then as it became clear that I couldn't get them to accept me. Most just called me names or left me alone which was bearable; however some took advantage and went farther with it. They never did it alone as a guarantee that I wouldn't fight back much, cowards! As they noticed they didn't get caught as long as no teacher saw anything, they got bolder. A few students looked pityingly at me but not once did they speak to me. Probably thought I didn't see their looks. I had hard times getting people to acknowledge me even at home. However I found some people who bore my presence somewhat. Or one of them did. His friends were always playing with me if they ever got bored. I had to stay in check if I wanted to keep them away from me. Only one of them I really considered my friend because he didn't support their mocking me but didn't prevent either. However, even that was good, I wouldn't have done it without any support. At least he was supporting me so long as it was only two of us. I didn't care if the entire world was against me if there was even one person around to keep me going. Dad wasn't much help with his constant drinking and he wasn't always nice when he was drunk. I don't care though; he was and still is ill. Being at home wasn't an option for me if he'd got drunk again so I went somewhere else as often as possible. I didn't really tell anything to my friend but I think he knew some of the things I went through. However we never really spoke about it. It was only when he went to another school that he cut off with me for his own reputation. I always hated his other friends teasing but I hated being totally left alone even more. I guess I learned the hard way to stop my bad habits from the last year and a half. At least one good thing was that my worst teaser got transferred to observation class and my physical teasing ended mostly. They only gave me meaningless mocking and shunning out the blue. Not that it was a new occurrence. As far as I remember during school they never even accepted me to group work. If a teacher happened to order them to take let me in the group they'd just say only the most necessary stuff or ask me do some silent job for the thing we were doing. On the other hand, they made it clear that I wasn't welcome there but as the teacher asked so… they did their responsibility, nothing more nothing less. Last year was hard. I never found someone else who would have me and now I was totally isolated from them things got so much harder. There was no one to talk to who might understand." His voice changed and had a real angry countenance to it and his eyes were flashing fire as he stared at nothing. He had been doing that all during the time he had been speaking. 

"I wish they could have caught the idiot who killed her. I'd kill him now after all misery he caused. If it wasn't for him my mum would be living and my dad would have never started drinking so much. If it wasn't for him we'd have more money for clothes and such and I'd have gotten better clothes. If it weren't for him people wouldn't have thought me so weird for my cheap clothes. If it weren't for him they wouldn't have started to pick on me at school. If it wasn't for him I'd be accepted at school and never so alone. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have to be careful around my father, as he was most of the time drunk. This man took everything I cared for and left nothing. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have to be careful of any magical outbursts when they were picking on me. I didn't really know how to stop it from happening as every so often my magic gave me some protection, which then made me even into a freak than I was before. Those bruises you saw… They caught me one day on my way back home and beat me up. One of the smaller ones jumped on my back at one point. I always tried to fight back but there were just too many. I hoped my magic would come to my aid and finally it did. I got some kind of cover around me. They could no longer get nearer me. I hoped that things would be better here. After all here my magic wouldn't be taken so badly as with the bloody muggles. I still can't drop my old habits here though and I really should learn how. However I don't know if I'm better off here with stupid Black and Potter breathing down my neck. I really tried to be like everyone else but things are only going wrong again. I must be cursed. I can't tell anyone, they would find out about my dad. I don't want to lose him too after mum. Now after all I still bloody suck at speaking with people. Of course things wont' get any better if I'm acting like some stupid weirdo. I just can't drop my cover and start acting like everyone else. I just can't be normal though it was the only thing I ever wanted." Now he sat there silently, breathing deeply he kept his eyes closed and cried. After a moment he mumbled: 

"Why did I tell you everything? Now you'll tell everyone. You must think that I'm some bloody coward." 

"You know I will never speak a word of this to anyone. Have I done anything against you so far?" Severus opened his mouth but he realized he had no answer and he closed it quickly. Lucius went on. "I wouldn't' even dream of betraying you like that. Do you trust me even a little bit?" again Severus said nothing. After few seconds he finally answered. 

"I can't… if I do that and then something goes wrong. I've got enough on my plate without any more problems. It's easier just not trust anyone that's the way I always did it. I guess I'm trying to change though as I've already told you all of this. Trusting is so damn hard. I don't think I trust anybody, not even myself. 

Lucius just stared at his friend silently as he thought of everything Severus had just told him. He didn't really want to press Severus but still he wanted to ask one more question. He resisted asking about Severus' about his dad though he was damn curious why he wouldn't be taken away if someone found about his treatment. 

"That back of yours, there is pretty large area of bruising, do you have anything for getting rid of it? Maybe I can help you if you really don't want to show it to nurse here." 

"I've got some bruise reducing ointment from one of the potion's classes and it is doing a pretty good job though it is a mild one." 

"I have something stronger for cases like that in my trunk. My dad equipped me with all sort of things, including basic healing potions. I can get it for you later." 

Severus' pondered that statement. It took few minutes for him to decide but he nodded finally. 

"Lucius, are you certain that you are fine with all I told you? If you are disappointed or anything I'd surely understand if you changed your mind about my company…" 

"NO, I just told you, you can count on me! That what you told me, people can be stupid. They don't really consider how badly their stupidity can hurt someone before they get old enough to realize what they did and then everything is irreversible. However you just confirmed my suspicion more or less." That got a shocked response from Severus. Looking pained he asked. 

"Am I really that obvious? Shit!" 

"Not if you don't look. I've just been around long enough. Don't worry, they won't see anything like that." That got Severus' to close his eyes and let out the breath he was holding. For a long time neither of them said anything but it wasn't uncomfortable silence. They both had time to contemplate everything they had just said or heard. The more time that went be the calmer Severus looked. Actually he was the one to break the silence. 

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you, I really shouldn't have. None of that is your fault and I shouldn't have taken it out on you." 

"Don't buddy! You had and still have every right to be angry about what those bastards did. I knew it wasn't me you were mad at." Still it seemed as though his words had no effect on his friend. Sadly he noted that the worst critic you can have is yourself. But that was the real Severus. Not the acting he had met earlier. He probably never showed this side to anyone. So he said, "Please, I'm serious! What they did wronged you, you didn't do anything wrong yourself!" He could almost imagine how Severus was reproaching himself in his mind. He lowered his hand to his friend showers hoping to calm him down, however the first reaction was the opposite. He startled and stiffened up at once but Lucius resisted the urge to remove his hands. Eventually Severus relaxed again. They sat there for an hour or more without saying anything. 

Now I wanted to thank my nice readers who were giving me a review! Kendra-the hyper one and SexxyCookie 1223, thanks I loved your reviews!

And now I professor Snape will give you a detention with me if you dare not to review my story as you've read that far! (giving Snape's patented death-glare for warning you not to disobey!)


	12. Chapter 12

First off, I own only my own character Valtteri! Rowling does the rest! And Sherry! Thankssssssssss a lot for your perfect betareading! You are the best betareader I have ever had!

A/N I wanted warn about one part in this story. I made first real appearance of Valtteri now and he is 'speaking' in accent. I tell you basic rules just for making certain that you can understand his speaking. thd, bp, wv fv, gk. I did want to embhatize the way he is speaking as he is Finnish character and I do want him to speak as one! This is as I would pronounce it sentences! Now, hop hop to the story!

Chapter 12

For a long they both just stared at the lake lost in their own reveries. There really wasn't any need to say anymore for the moment and they both knew it. However, Severus had something to say but was afraid that it would come out in an embarrassing way as he wasn't in his best just now. Finally he whispered shakily:

"Do you mind, I'd be alone for a moment? I'd really appreciate it." Lucius nodded and before retreating asked if they could meet later that day. He would give Severus the before-mentioned potion then. Severus just nodded for he didn't trust himself to remain calm much longer. So Lucius left and Severus kept his façade up for five minutes longer just for safe sake. Then he allowed himself to cry the tears, which had been near during their chat. He didn't cry because of their chat but because of the emotions the things remembered brought to the front of his mind. When Lucius was there he'd tried to keep the worst of the tears at bay with his angry and willpower but he had to let them go before he'd be fine again. For that he'd have to be alone, as he simply wouldn't cry in front of anyone.

Severus began going through his pockets looking for something. He became almost frantic in his search when he could find the object right off. He hadn't done this for sometime now but knew this would be one of those times when he needed to do it. He sighed deeply as his fingers felt the familiar sensation as his pocketknife slipped into the palm of his right hand. Knowing the knife was clean he decided to use it. After all he didn't want to get an infection. He roll his left sleeve up and opened the knife, laid it onto the pale white flesh. He cut carefully into the flesh to allow just enough blood to let some come through. As he looked at the blood trickling down his arm he started to feel better and began breathing easier. He was relieved. After a moment he carefully wiped the blood off and lowered his sleeve again.

He picked himself up and started to walk back to the school. He knew it was no good staying here all day no mater how he enjoyed being here. He wondered vaguely if he really did the right thing when he told Lucius as much as he did. He was ready to kill himself if everything he told Lucius reached the whole school. Well maybe not as he didn't want them to win by letting them see his pain. Besides his dad would have been so devastated if he died. Though it was more for his father that kept him from doing it. He just hoped that his dad would stop drinking and start caring about him again. He knew his dad had no power to keep his feelings at bay when he was drunk not to mention supporting his son. And it was painful to listen to his dad talk about his memories. It was even harder listening to his dad than have his dad beat him up, as he was very weak in his drunken state. However the worst thing was having to watch what he said to his dad when he was drunk. He was fine as long as you avoided a few topics. If you slipped and spoke about certain things his dad didn't hold anything back.

He had been walking lost in his own thoughts for a while when he bumped into someone. To his surprise it turned out to be Lily and some boy. He was about to retreat when Lily greeted him and beckoned him to join them. He neared them a bit more causality. He'd seen this boy around and knew he was from Gryffindor. Lily was looking suspiciously happy as she introduced them. It turned out that this was Valtteri who she'd been telling him about before. She asked them to wait a moment as she had something to tell her teacher. She said she'd be back in a few minutes and disappeared. Severus turned to look at Valtteri. He noticed he was a tall boy with brown eyes and dark brown hair. When Severus greeted him trying to remember how Lily pronounced his name he smiled an spoke in a jittery language.

"Hello, so you are dat Severus. Lily had peen telling apout you just a pit. You must be vine kuy as Lily thinks apout you so highly."

"Yeah, I've heard about you a bit as well. It's nice to finally meet you. It seems your English really as fabulous as Lily told me." Now Valtteri laughed heartily and shook his head.

"You really think so? Do not vlatter so much as I'm not really dat pervect speaker. Just happy to be aple to come here. A vew years pevore it vas looking so impossiple."

"Well, if that's so then you're a quick learner."

"(laughing) Anyhow, vasn't you also in virst year?"

"Yup, we might be having some classes together I think."

"Yeah I think ve have, you vere de one vhose potion someone tried to sapotage."

"(blushing) Yeah, I wish I knew who it was."

"Yeah, some people just are idiots. Propaply someone vrom my class. I vould guess it vas dat marauders' put hard to say surely.

"Marauders?"

"Yeah, dey are dose Plack, Pettigrew and Potter poys. Dey started kall deirselves Marauders. Virst it vas more just a joke put I think dat dey are starting to like dat Name."

"Ahh, I see. Who knows if it was them. I wonder how much longer Lily will be off."

"She's already coming, dere across de hall." And true enough she was coming. Severus finally noticed that someone had came up to them and called out.

"How's it is going Vinnish? Are you quite Vinnished with your Finglish?" Valtteri growled and shot back:

"Are you kuite vinished? Do you realize dat dis joke is getting old?" The person laughed back only before retreating.

"Vell, I just told you some people are just idiots. Dere's no sense in listening to dem. I'm only proud ov my Vinnish accent! Dat is telling where I'm vrom and Vho I really am! Only making me sound myselv!"

"Yeah, that's right. And being honest with you even us native English speakers have different accents depending upon where we live. Ahh, now Lily's here."

Lily finally stepped up to then. They spoke about classes for a few minutes before it was time for lunch. Severus met up with Lucius at the table and glanced at him carefully. Thinking about their earlier meeting. Both of them were a bit quiet as they were still lost in their own thoughts and didn't want to bring up any painful topics just now. After a little while they were doing homework and Lucius was checking over all the stuff he had missed while he was in hospital wing. Lucius was trying to get his opening and closing charms to work in vain so Severus calmed him down by saying that most of the class had problems with it. When Lucius pointed out that Severus had mastered it easily he was a bit embarrassed. He ended up telling Lucius what happened in the charms class. He was looking at the floor as he had done when explaining how he had almost crashed his box into Flitwick's head. However Lucius disagreed with him and told instantly:

"Don't you know it's not your fault if you panicked just a bit if he really sneaked up behind you and startled you. Don't take it too badly. Even the teacher saw that it was an accident as he gave you some points, you see my point?"

"Yeah but…"

"No ifs ands or buts please! If the teacher said so then it is so. Besides it seems to me you were doing better than most of the other students in the class. Moreover you should be proud of yourself!"

Severus muttered something under his breath and when Lucius asked what he was saying he explained.

"I don't want them staring at me. If I show off too much then they are just going to stare and talk about me. That's never a good thing." Now Lucius fell silent as he contemplated how to assure his friend that it was fine to do well in classes. Carefully he went on. Observing Severus to see if he was trying the right way. He didn't want to imply that some of it could just be his imagination and that he was overreacting.

"Well, it sounds to me as though some of them could be jealous which is more than likely. But that in and or itself isn't a reason for you to try to be as invisible as possible. Attention isn't always bad Severus, it depends who is giving it and why. Most of the time if a teacher is the one giving it then it is only good, though there might be some exceptions. Well?" Lucius asked. Severus couldn't do anything else but nod slowly as though it seemed that he didn't really believe this explanation. Lucius waited for moment and finally Severus answered.

"It isn't really about the teachers, it is about how the other students react to it. I don't want to be in center of attention. If they…" That sentence never got finished and both of the boys just stared at their books without really seeing about them. Until Severus called out.

"I'm going to take a walk. See you later." Lucius never followed him but just let him go. He had learnt so much during that day about his friend and not everything was a good. He was left there sitting at the table as he rest his head on his hands. Certainly he wasn't about to give up on Severus no matter what he could hear. He had already heard a lot of things about him from a few people, which he knew to be blatant lies. He knew he would have to changed a lot of opinions if he only told them even a little bit of what he knew now but he knew better than to start spreading his friend personal matters all over the place. He only just gained his confidence and he wasn't about to flush it down the drain. If he only knew that it would have been better to follow Severus just now he would have… but he didn't.

Severus was walking around in the corridor when he sensed that something was off. He turned around and saw nothing so he just kept walking as if nothing had happened. Just then Potter jumped out from behind the corner and called out expelliarmus and Severus' wand flew out of his grasps before he had any time to say anything. Only then did those cowards dared nearer him. He looked around in almost a panicking way to see if there was anyway out but there was any. Black was coming down one-way and the other way Potter was coming down. He still didn't give in to them but kept his nerves in check, as he knew he was smarter than these idiots. He started in his usual way and tried to play for some time without cringing before them.

"So…after the last time you realized that the only way you could attack me is to disarm me and make certain that I have no way to escape. Isn't that a cowardly way to act? And here I thought that Gryffindors were supposed to be so brave but clearly I was wrong! He never knew where he got the courage to speak the way he did but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Perhaps adrenaline had just kicked in but he didn't really care where it came from. Somewhere inside he was afraid but there was no way he would ever show how much to those idiots. He just walked straight at the silent Black who had his wand with the hopes of getting it back without too much of a fight. However luck just wasn't on his side.

"Hem hem, you forgot that you were the one without your wand I reckon. Other whys you would be pleading for your wand back already. We might just consider giving it back to you if you listen to us just a bit. You've been a bit too conceited for our taste and we thought that we better correct the matter. Bow to us and give us your word that you will not even look at Lily for this moment forward. Or our wands might just slip a bit if you're not cooperating. The Potter brat was staring at him with an annoyingly contented expression on his face and perhaps he was even thinking that he might get him to obey him. But he would never do that. Experience had taught him never to give in even a little bit if anyone was trying to bully him. Not even defense was keeping them away from him but letting them rule over him was not an option. He usually tried talking himself out of these situations but it only worked to let them know that he wasn't giving up. Though the truth was different it was best not to show it on the outside. Of course the best option was not to be around them but living in a small city, moreover going to the same school it wasn't easy, however he always tried.

But now. He met his bully's eyes and glared at him as best he could. And his glare was certainly good. He had practiced to do a pretty good 'death glare' for these situations. It was a good way to cover his uncertainty. And it was working even if only a little bit. He saw the prats exchanging quick glances at each other. The corners of his mouth rose slightly and he strode up to Black to grab his wand back. If he got it he could get away. Black wasn't about to give it up though. He used his own wand and Severus found his legs glued together. However he was near enough to hit Black so he did. Then something surprising happened which made Severus even more on the alert than he already was.

He found his legs free and his wand at his feet. He was totally perplexed by what had caused that because he was certain it wasn't his punch that had made it happen. He picked up his wand and turned around and saw what the reason was and groaned in that instance. He remembered too well his first encounter with Professor McGonagall. Why it had to be here that interfere? Moreover now he was formally Slytherin and surely the head of Gryffindor house would side with her own students. He lost the words and didn't know what to say any longer. He just looked helplessly at McGonagall. Who looked at them with a stern expression. As he glanced at Black he saw an annoying contented expression on his face thought his nose was bleeding, more likely he would get some pity points from his own head of house. No kidding as a moment later the professor saw his bleeding nose and as soon as she saw it her looked softened somewhat and when she looked at him she was already glaring again. Severus sighed as he knew he was already guilty in her mind. The professor spoke in a loathing voice.

"So you hit Mr. Black! Why?" He thought to try the truth though he was almost certain she wouldn't believe him anyways. Too bad his voice came out in too pleading sound quality.

"I was only defending myself. He took my wand, I swear that!" the professor was looking very suspicious and he asked Potter next.

"Mr. Potter, I believe you saw everything." As he confirmed that by nodding she said. "What was it you saw?" Potter had hard time trying to cover up his contentment but he did it somewhat. He glared at Severus and said. However when McGonagall glanced at Severus again Potter smiled ironically at Severus for second. Severus could only look on in horror as he was set up to get the blame.

"We were walking through the corridors as this boy came up behind us. We hardly had any time to disarm him as he was about to attach us. Even though he lost his wand he still continued without it. You came just then." McGonagall turned his look at Severus again who was opening and closing his mouth like a wish out of water. Severus was almost resigned to his destiny but he tried to say something weakly.

"I swear it didn't happen like that. I…" McGonagall silenced him with waving of her hand and started to give orders.

"Mr. Potter, make certain that Mr. Black goes to the hospital wing. Mr. Snape, you follow me to my office." So McGonagall started to stride to her office as both despicable dunderheads went in the opposite direction both smirking and hardly able to keep from laughing. Severus sent a last 'designed death glare at them before he shook his head and turned to follow the teacher. This was feeling all too familiar and he found no power to fight against it anymore. He felt emptier than anything else just now after his adrenaline rush. He just followed meekly until they reached her office. There she wrote a short note and sent him to his own head of house. As he walked downstairs he was totally lost in his own thoughts.

Lucius came up beside him and when he didn't get an answer to his greeting he lowered his hand to his friend shoulder. Lucius certainly got his total attention. Severus turned around quickly as he felt the hand and was clearly on alert. He met the angry look in his friend's eyes before he recognized who was behind him and then he saw relieved expression next. However after a second he was looking lost again. He asked where he was going and as he muttered to Joe's office Lucius frown and he asked why. He got evasive answers, however Severus showed him the letter in his hands. As they continued walking to the dungeons he was trying to get more information out of his friend. He finally admitted looking embarrassed that it was from McGonagall. Lucius just looked at him for a moment before Severus snapped at him.

"Look, it is none of your business whatever it is and I really should be going there now." They had reached their head of the house office.

Severus knocked timidly and waited for the call to come in. Soon enough the door opened and Professor Nichols called him in and he went leaving Lucius to wonder what was up now.

First off, thanks a lot for you Kendra! I do love having even you reviewing my story! (looking around for seeing if there is anyone else reading it?) And Kendra, I admit I have a soft spot for Severus and here I find myself trying to make it better for him that soon though I was first meaning to give him a bit harder times. I just find I cannot not want to do it as bad I first meant! I'm intending him to start trusting Lucius but slowly, bit a bit! I just know what I'm telling about as I say that in real that kind person would have a lot problems trusting anyone no matter what that person does. I do admit I have personal experiences on the matter and I do understand Severus too much more than I even want to. I do understand what it is like to be in that position as he is.

Now, I professor Snape order you to review my story! If not... (giving own designed death glare) I'll look forward seeing you scrubbing my cauldrons...(eyes madly gleaming)


	13. Chapter 13

First off, I don't own any of it! Secondly, Sherry you are making such a wonderful job with correcting my text!

Again another chapter ready and betaread : ) Please go on read : )

Chapter 13

Severus was feeling extremely embarrassed and agitated as Professor Nichols called him into his office. Somewhere he got the courage to keep his chin up and with a defensive look on his face he allowed the knowledge of who the teacher was to sink in. He always had that instinctive reaction no matter if he wanted it or not. There had been a few times when he was about to tell his teacher how his fellow students were treating him but as he got the chance he always got cold feet. As more and more years went by he felt the strong urge to keep it all inside. Somehow he thought that if the teachers didn't know, he could believe it didn't happen himself.

Now again he had the opportunity to tell his head of house but he wasn't looking forward to telling the truth. It wasn't even that he didn't want to tell the truth but that if he admitted what happened to the teacher then he would have to admit it to himself. So with a defiant expression he looked at his teacher as he passed him the note. Joe asked him to sit down and he did. For a minute he just looked at his teacher who was reading the note with a frown upon his face. He finally put the note down and looked at Severus who was waiting to be scolded for what he did. He was certain Nichols wouldn't even ask for his reason as no teacher had ever done this before. He was totally surprised when Nichols' look softened and he started to speak in a way he never expected him to and he even smiled a bit.

"Would you like anything to drink? Pumpkin juice, tea, I even have coca cola if you would like that!" Severus just gaped at him. He was anticipating the dreaded talk to come and would have welcomed the scolding over 'soft' tone in his teacher's voice. Somehow he stammered his answer.

"Coca cola would be fine if you really have it." This kind of start always made him nervous, as it never bode any good. In times like this the teacher might speak about the things he wanted to keep silent for some reason. He eyed the teacher suspiciously as he gave him a glass of coca cola.

"I read the note Minerva sent and it says that you punched Mr. Black and he had to go to the hospital wing to get his nose healed. You probably think that I'm just going to put you into detention and that's it. No. I don't think that is the full truth. Now would you care to enlighten me about what really happened? I do know that the Gryffindors are quite biased when it comes to us Slytherins. Most of the other head of houses don't realize how deeply they are going along with that bias, including the teacher that gave you that message. So, now would you care to enlighten me what really happened?"

Severus just sat there thinking about how much he could he tell without giving away too much. He drank some of the coca cola in a play for some time to think about the matter. He certainly didn't want to tell that it wasn't exactly first time this had happened. Perhaps if he revealed some half-truths… Usually half-truths were better than total lies if he ever had to tell anyone about what was going on. With them you could always show them in a different light than they really were. Moreover if he explained too much he knew he wouldn't be able to keep his feelings at bay. If there was anything he hated most it was crying in front of adults. Well, among some of the things. Also his teacher was thinking that this was just house difference and he could keep it that way. After all he didn't want Nichols on his bad side. Calmly outside but nervously inside he cooked up a slight lie.

"I was walking the corridor when these two guys came up along side me. They started to talk trash about us Slytherins and I just wanted them to shut up so finally I hit him!" He tried not to fidget though it was a bit hard as he waited for his teacher's response. He wanted to stay in good light in his head of house's eyes. Finally Nichols answered to him.

"This is along the lines I thought it went. I do understand why you did what you did; however Minerva is insisting for you to have detention. Perhaps you can resist violent the next time?" Severus answered with a total lie for first time when he was speaking with Nichols.

"Of course. However I do believe there won't be any further occurrences in the future. After all this was the first time they tried anything and I doubt they would try anything again." He flashed a small smile as he tried to prove that what he said was the truth. Of course just show a smile to assuring Nichols that everything was all right. And it really seemed to work to his benefit.

"Great! I do think I can speak to her and assure her that detention won't be necessary in this case. You will get a message later if I get it worked out with her. My hopes are up that she will agree as she knows how her Gryffindors can act when it comes to Slytherins." Severus was grateful that Nichols swallowed the bait. He might even get out of his detention. He tried to think about what happened to his advantage but he knew it might enrage the marauders so he wasn't exactly happy. However he wisely held his opinion. What other student would be unhappy in not getting detention? Now was the proper time to act as if he were happy if he ever wanted this to go properly. It took a bit of will power at the moment, as his real feelings were anything but happy. However he did that and forced a smile as he thanked his professor. He only wanted to get away so he could be himself again and luckily Nichols excused him. He left the room calmly and was about to run somewhere when he realized he wasn't really alone.

Lucius had been waiting outside the office and came after him the instant he appeared. He really wanted to be alone and he sighed when he saw his friend. He was honestly touched by the gesture that Lucius really waited for him outside of the professor's office but at the same time he wasn't looking forward to explaining to him what happened. He tried to remind himself that Lucius already knew a part of the truth but still he didn't feel comfortable sharing that information. Moreover he was really looking forward to getting some peace for the moment now that the fiasco was over. He wanted to settle some of his own thoughts. Not to mention how he felt a headache forming. He really wasn't in the best mood just now.

Lucius tried to ask about what he had been doing and to his astonishment he didn't get any answer at first. However soon enough he got some reaction.

"Why the hell you are still interrogating me and asking what's the matter when it's not your problem! I'm tired of people asking me things! It's not as if I ever asked for it!" He realized what he was saying and looked away from Lucius but before that Lucius got a small glimpse of his disgusted expression. Lucius heard the other boy whisper something, which sounded suspiciously like 'why do I always do that', but he couldn't be certain.

They were already near the great hall and they went to eat despite their small argument. For the moment both just ate. Severus stabbed his food in irritation. He started to think over of all he had said and in that instant he realized how wrong he had been as he dumped his annoyance on poor Lucius who had no part in the reason he was irritated to begin with. Moreover he had no idea what had just happened. It was not his friend's fault if he had a bad moment, it was his own problem not anyone else! He then realized what a big mistake he had made again! What If Lucius realized now what a mistake he was making when he hung around him? He certainly wouldn't be the first to give up on his company. He knew he shouldn't count too much on anyone's company but still he didn't want to let Lucius down and be the cause of breaking off the relationship. He vaguely wondered what the hell was wrong with him when he was putting too much value on this one person as he believed he would eventually realize what a loser he was and tell him to get lost. Hadn't everyone else done that before? Greatly regretting his earlier behavior he apologized.

"I…I really shouldn't throw this on you. None of it is connected to you but here I am grumbling about it to you. I'm really sorry for acting as a prat. I just… cannot help it for some reason." Lucius just shook his head.

Lucius was shocked as he saw the well-masked horror and desperation on Severus face. "No, do not apologize for anything…" That got a different reaction than Lucius expected as he realized Severus was clearly misunderstanding his words. Severus' expression became more desperate. Lucius realized his mistake. Someone like Severus would be bound to take it badly. Lucius tried to explain again.

"I really am fine with it!" With one glance he realized that what he said was not enough to dispel the other boy's pointless suspicion and he went on. "Look, if I'd taken what you did and said that badly would I be here speaking with you? Please do not blame yourself! It's the last thing you should do just now. I'm not going anywhere no matter what you try!"

That finally got a positive reaction and Lucius had to snort for thinking about how hard to was convince other boy to his being serious. Severus had smiled even if just a bit as Lucius said the last sentence. Lucius finally let himself relax as he looked at his friend who hadn't eaten anything but was once again moving his food around in his plate. He sighed and pleaded.

"Aren't you going to eat anything? You really should eat something. You didn't even eat breakfast today!" Severus just nodded and ate some of the food. To Lucius Severus didn't look as if he had too much of an appetite. He was at a bit of a loss as to how to cheer Severus up. He thought a bit and came up with an idea. He was still quite a bit behind with some school stuff and he knew that Severus was shining in some of his classes with the skills he displayed. So he persuaded the other boy to teach him how to do those opening and closing charms.

Lucius was contemplating all the things he had learned about Severus but still had lots of questions. Only reason he didn't ask was that he didn't want him to react badly again. Severus still looked as lost as he had before dinner. Taking into account that Severus wasn't upset earlier by their chat during dinner Lucius clearly felt that it had to be connected to the letter somehow. Lucius knew that the letter was from Professor McGonagall so that meant that she had caught him in the middle of something. Only he didn't know what that something was. There was perhaps a quarter of an hour in which she could have noticed something. He couldn't imagine Severus doing some mischief. He had to have met someone. And there could be only two people that were possible. Those stupid Gryffindors!

As he glanced at the Gryffindor table he noticed something intriguing. Those Black and Potter boys were speaking heatedly and throwing occasional glances at them and rolling their eyes as they did. So that was what happened then. They probably met somewhere and something happened. Moreover McGonagall must have interfered in it. He wondered which side she might have taken, as those two might be a handful when it came to ganging up on someone as he had heard. Too bad it looked as if they were too cheerful which didn't bode well for McGonagall being on Severus' side. He knew Severus was not kind of the guy who started a fight but his instincts seemed to be in the proper place as he remembered the punch he got for his own stupidity that morning. Though after all it was worth it because it got Severus finally open up.

As they left the great hall together he picked a vial out of his pocket and gave it to Severus. Severus took it and inspected it. What was curious to Lucius was that Severus smelled it before he started to ask his questions.

"Is this special potion called 'Black Softener'?" Lucius nodded wondering how other boy knew that by just looking and smelling the potion. "I've heard quite a bit about this potion as she… used teach me a few tricks of the potions. (He had a small fight with himself for control of his feelings as this brought up thoughts of his mum again. He tried to pass it off without embarrassing himself but he really wanted to explain the matter, as he really liked to play with potions.) "I was helping her a lot as she was making potions and this was one of them. She always said that many times the original potions had more potency if you changed it just a bit. With this particular potion it really is quite powerful itself but you can do something to make it even more effective. Lets go somewhere where we can talk in peace. Maybe there is an empty classrooms…well maybe tomorrow. But I can show you tomorrow how to improve this one potion. It isn't going to make any difference if I take this today or tomorrow. I'd better wait for one more day so I can improve upon it just a bit. It will taste just a bit more bitter but it doesn't matter with potions."

Lucius was happy to see how enthusiastic Severus was about that matter. Well the mentions of his mother was trying to interfere with it but even it couldn't remove the enthusiasm over the topic as he was speaking the about potion making. Maybe there really was something he could do to cheer the other boy up if he ever needed it. He had never realized it before but Severus had been quite good in that one class and being honest he seemed to be natural in potions. Perhaps it was because of his mother teaching.

They kept talking about different stuff and before they noticed it was about time go to bed. However one thing happened before that. Severus got an owl and as he took the message he noticed it was from Joe Nichols. As he opened the message tensely he found out that his detention had been waved off indeed. They'd just lost fifteen points, which was taking their house score down pretty much as it was only first week. As Lucius saw the message he decided to finally ask the question that had been burning in his mind.

"Oh, where did you almost get detention from?" Severus just sighed as he sat down in the armchair in Slytherins common room. He stared at the green carpet as he told a shortened version of the story to Lucius. After telling Lucius about what happened he looked so miserable staring at the flames as if they were something hypnotic. As Lucius now knew what happened every piece of the puzzle clicked into place and he knew straight away why Severus had been so weird all day. He almost got blamed for the things that were more those two idiots fault in first place. He vaguely wondered if Severus had told Joe everything about what happened. It was more likely that he tried to get it to sound as if nothing too bad had happened; not that he really could blame his buddy that much after all he knew about Severus. He wasn't certain how to advise him but somehow he would try.

"So those same idiots again. And your certain you don't want to ask for a teacher's help?" Severus shook his head fiercely and looked discussed. Lucius sighed, "You perhaps remember my offer during our first days here? Just after I found you sitting in the corridor."

Severus certainly remembered everything from that day. Not only Lucius' offer, unfortunately. Severus just muttered something under his breath and said louder.

"How would I forget? It isn't like it was too boring a day! I'd really prefer some boring days sometimes to the ones I had this week not to mention before coming here. And yes, I do remember what you offered on Monday. You said you would teach me some useful spells and charms. Just then… err… things happened and it just dropped. You know, I could really do with some information on defensive spells." Lucius just grinned.

"Yup, and I was and still am serious about it! I do know quite a few useful things you could use. My dad was very generous with sharing his knowledge of different self-defense spells not to mention other stuff. I couldn't practice it with a real wand but he made me practice without one so I would be ready to use them if the need arose. I could show you some tomorrow, as we have nothing to do luckily. And you know, I'd be honored to see how you could improve that potion."

Hesitating a little he added. "Your mother must have been good at potions if she's done so much to improved upon the potions." He certainly hoped it was ok to make that comment, he hoped that Severus could see through the mention of his mother and not get sad. He saw shadows shading Severus eyes for moment but also a small smile and he congregated himself over the appropriate comment.

"Yeah, she was always playing with potions and allowed me to help her sometimes. We never had to go to St. Mungos as she had everything already on hand if any healing was needed. None of it was bought, everything she herself made. Of course she didn't allow me to do too dangerous things but some easier stuff and she was always explaining everything about the different ingredients. However I got permission to look when she was making even more dangerous stuff. It was real interesting. At school in chemistry class it was never as enjoyable as most of the work was done in pairs… it's getting late. I think we should go to sleep!" Severus was about to finish the sentence when his demeanor became cold again. Lucius sighed and agreed with him and followed his friend to their room. This night both boys were again lost in thoughts and sleep eluded them late into the night.

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Now first. Thanks a lot for you review Kendra! Now I wanted to say something which I totally wonder... It seems there is 23 readers who read that last few chapters... where is your reviews? I really would appreciate if you use a bit more of your time and gimme one small review! You know it gives me always muse when I get your reviews! I don't think it kills you to give a few words!


	14. Chapter 14

Heyyy again! Missed me? I hope even a bit : ). First off I don't own anything you recognize from anything else! I can claim to own just my twisted plot and some characters. I feel like I'm playing chess game with Rowling's characters… What would be next move… lol. And Sherry! I do love your great job with betareading my chapters! Not mention the way you always find to way to encourage me to go on with this story : ) . You get me feeling as I'm almost perfect at English though I know the truth : ) I hope I can keep you forever and always! Yet more… I'm sorry for delay! I took a bit to summon up my muse and then when I had done with chapter my betareader had problems in connections but here I am now! Please go ahead and read!

Chapter 14

Severus was happy that the day was finally over. The day was almost too much for him and he was tired of keeping his feelings inside. He certainly missed the times when he could go to his own room and lock himself in. Here he couldn't do that. He tried to think of any spell that would give him a bit more privacy. He realized that there was perhaps only one way. He dug through his knapsack. He took his charms book out and searched until he found the charm that could put a silencing spell around his bed. No sound would escape outside of the curtains. After he cast the charm he slumped on the bed and closed his eyes. He wasn't really sleepy. All the things that swirled around in his head fast and he jumped from one thought to another without really thinking about anything. He knew he had another way to block his thoughts off and that was what he decided to do, as he didn't want to dwell on what he considered his ridiculous feelings. He needed a light but a flashlight was out of the question, as it wouldn't work here. He thought about what he could do for a bit when he discovered a spell, which could get his want to shine some light. Luckily the curtains around his bed were a dark green material so dark in fact no light would shine through it.

He took another item from his knapsack, which was a book. Not his usual schoolbooks but something more along the line of a fictional text. Well, it was written by a muggle but it was still an exceptionally good one. It was a horror book written by Stephen King, who was absolutely his favorite author. He desperately tried his best to keep his feelings at bay until the simple muggle book could enchant him. Whoever said muggles couldn't do any magic? It was much like magic how these books enchanted his mind into forgetting everything around him. He didn't notice anything when he was immersed in one of these stories. These books had practically saved his life as it always gave him something else to think about when everything was going to hell in a hand basket around him. He read the title on the book, "Dream Catcher". As he opened the book he became engrossed in the story as some strange man staggered to the cabin in the middle of the forest looking very ill. He was already in another world set behind his mental shields for now. He was happy and excited, which wasn't an everyday occurrence for him.

Lucius rolled around in his bed; he knew what had happened to Severus. He understood partly why his friend acted as he did and it didn't make him happy. He could imagine that after losing his mother it really had affected Severus and his father's lives a lot. He certainly understood why Severus despised those stupid Gryffindors after getting to know what was going on between Severus and them. Not to mention the dislike of muggles, which Lucius thought, was well deserved. It wasn't really new to him after his Dad's lessons of whom to make friends with. He didn't really know that much about muggles but Severus was confirming most of his suspicions about them. That only made him happy that he had followed his Dad's instructions. His dad had known what he had been talking about.

However he wasn't so certain why Severus was shying off from every bit of attention. Also he over reacted to many of the things that anyone else would have just forgotten. The things that were connected with school stuff he had explained but most of the sentences were never finished. Clearly he hadn't been the most popular student at his old school…but was that really so bad? He really had to admit that he didn't know about that stuff too much and Severus wasn't too eager to speak about it obviously. So it wasn't worth the effort to try to get him to talk about it as it would probably only cause him to back away again. Anytime he tried to advise or ask questions Severus would back away. Even then he wanted to know more about what had happened that cause him to act the way he did. He realized that he would have to ask his grandpa about the matter. He was always so smart with all matters. He just wouldn't tell his grandpa who the person in question was that's all. He finally drifted to sleep after making up his mind about what to do. He would ask his grandpa.

Sunday morning came and people were starting to wake up. So were Lucius and Severus who were both looking forward to the day. Severus was in a good mood and he ate with relish and Lucius was happy to see it. Too many times Severus just pushed his food around his plate and hardly ate anything at all. Moreover when Severus ate it meant he was clearly in a good mood Lucius thought that contently. He was happy to see that Severus was even chatting with him actively this time. They were just leaving as another group of Slytherins came in to chat with them or more likely with Lucius. Severus was shrinking away and trying to become invisible. He didn't say anything to anyone. Lucius tried asking some question to get him included in the group but he only got one-word answers and Severus just couldn't look at him any longer when he answered. Severus just looked pitiful standing there waiting for them to stopped chatting. He stood in the background as if it was a perfectly normal place to be. Eventually Lucius stopped trying to get him involved in the discussion, as it was hopeless. Well, at least he tried. That behavior confirmed that Lucius really should ask his grandpa if he could advise him somehow.

They both were walking out again without the other people and Severus was back to his normal self again. Lucius sighed inaudible. So that's the way it's going to be with him. He didn't want to endanger the fragile peace so he didn't push Severus about how he had acted with the other Slytherins. They spoke about trivial thing for some time before they headed inside to look for an empty classroom for their practice usage. Severus had an idea of where they could go as he still remembered the time when he was cleaning that one classroom for detention. Both boys took their knapsacks and headed down there. The door was really open and as soon as they got inside they were certain that room was unused. They dragged one of the worn out table and two chairs into middle of the classroom. Severus put his potion materials and few potions ingredients on the table. Lucius was only watching, as his friend was making the potion he explained what he was doing and why.

"She always told me to add two drops of aconites oil more and one freshly ground Ophioglossum leaf. Both should be added at the same time if you wanted exact result. Then you should let it simmer for exact two minutes. Extra aconites oil makes it stronger but at the same time it becomes unstable so it needs the Ophioglossum's leaf to stabilize it so it won't blow up when you simmer it. Now it's made. You see this is actually quite an easy trick."

Lucius was staring at his friend's work habits. Lucius' mouth just hung open as Severus was simply so… good at it. He hadn't realized before but here Severus was actually turning out to be a really good potion maker. As he made it seem like a piece of the cake which potion making certainly wasn't. He decided to ask Severus some more about improvement over the potion.

"I know normal potion takes a few hours to work so how quickly will it work now and does it change its strength as well?" Severus just smiled before answering.

"Actually both. It's quite a bit stronger now also it will work in one hour and (gulping added) it even removes very bad bruising. She…usually didn't allow me to make it but I watched as she made it sometimes and it just stuck in my head. I have her old potions book actually and there is quite a few tips written in the margins." He fell silent and was clearly lost in his own thoughts. It was hard to say if it was an exactly happy or sad thought that caused him to have such a faraway look on his face.

For a few minutes nothing was said but then Severus snapped out of his reveries. For some reason he was eager to change the topic and Lucius knowingly let him do it.

"Well, that's all that matter I guess." Severus said as he continued, "I was wondering about a spell though… I wondered if you knew of any spells which could take your wand away?" Lucius knew that he was being led away from the previous conversation but he allowed Severus to do it willingly. After all it was part of being a Slytherin to act like that. It really wasn't a miracle Severus was sorted into that house. Sighing he glanced at Severus as he drank the before-mentioned potion now without much more comment about it. He let the topic slip then and just answered the question.

"Yes, there is one it's called the expelliarmus spell which is probably the one you are speaking about. I reckon you've seen it used as you are asking about it?" A slight nod confirmed that and Severus lowered his face to look at the floor… Lucius thought that by lowering his head it meant that most likely that someone had used it on Severus here at Hogwarts. He tried to shake that thought out of his head and just answered his

question.

"I can teach you both the charm itself and countercharm. They are actually pretty commonly known ones so it's really is worth the effort to learn it."

"Sounds like the one I was thinking about, he added bitterly. I didn't think dummies like them would know those extraordinary spells. So… please tell me the incantation!"

They started to practice that one spell. It was actually quite easy for Severus and he picked up the first spell in just a half an hour. Of course the counter curse took a bit more time to master. However even Lucius got in some real practice because he didn't have a change to try it with a wand before Hogwarts. After one hour both of them were incanting each other's wands away successfully and blocking the curse as well. The only problem would be those dunderheads wouldn't give prior warning to using the curse. Severus didn't want to thing about that just yet. He felt quite satisfied with himself as they headed to lunch. As they were eating he glanced over at the Gryffindor table and those idiots were staring back with meaningful glares. He just gave them his practiced "death glare". He wasn't feeling so totally paralyzed now thought he was in the middle of the great hall which was mostly because of his earlier contentment. He never could shake off being on his guard if there were a lot of people around. It was better to be safe that sorry.

They soon got a surprise visitor, Antonio Dolohow. Severus never saw the suspicious glances that came their way from the Gryffindor table. He was too preoccupied by the new visitor. Lucius on the other hand was quite enthusiastic as he saw who the person coming there was was. He knew Antonio's dad by reputation and he was quite pleased that someone like him would honor them with his presence. He was genuinely surprised when Antonio greeted Severus and then asked his name. Lucius got a bigger surprise when Severus started to act in a different way than he usually did. He was still shy of himself but in a much different way. He was trying to show off or something as if he was actually trying to advertise how well he was doing in classes. He didn't get the exact image that his friend was relaxed but he was trying to seem as if he wasn't so shy but you could still see it shining through if you looked closely enough. Altogether he was happy that he actually got the honor of being in such company as Antonio. He was part of the respected Slytherin group so perhaps that was the reason the Severus was trying to appear more outspoken. Perhaps it was forced but still it was nice to see him trying to appear more talkative even though there were more people. They were chatting mostly about mundane things such as classes but it was a very pleasant half of hour.

After all of them left the great hall and Antonio whet his own way Lucius' eyelids shop up as he looked at Severus curiously. He commented dryly to Severus.

"Quite the company you've found here. Did you know that he is part of the respected group here? How come he decided to come and sit by us like that? I guess you also knew that by the way you were acting. You know it's a very smart move to be friendly with him as it might do some good!"

"Yeah, he is in quite a group. I'd never think that I'd be accepted to hang around with his group as I'm not like them. He came to me once earlier this week after that fiasco in charms class." Lucius refrained from sighing as he heard that comment. To him it wasn't a fiasco but turned out quite successful as the teacher had noticed. He held back the comment about it and just continued.

"And now he comes to visit a second time…do you honestly think he would have come over here if he thought like that? My dad knows his dad and…he isn't any Mudblood trash. He is from a very old pureblood family and I've heard quite a bit about them. They are very exact with whom they associate with as my dad knows so well. If I'd gone anywhere else but Slytherin my dad wouldn't have been exactly happy. Merely knowledge that you are sorted into this house is saying only good things about you. Every Slytherin is very cunning and we know that there is nothing like leather. Moreover you surely know that blood is thicker than water. Other houses haven't realized that it is what makes you Slytherin and they are very suspicious of us all."

Severus listened to Lucius' tirade and couldn't find any cracks in his explanation. He couldn't do anything but agree with his opinion and nod slowly afterwards. He didn't really believe that someone like Antonio would volunteer to be around him. He agreed with Lucius because he didn't want him to know his personal opinion. He was honestly hoping to change that topic now.

As they left the great hall Severus excused himself with the made up story that he wanted to check on something for tomorrows lessons. Lucius guessed that it was not the truth but let him go as he wanted to write his letter to his grandpa. As Lucius went to the Slytherin's lounge Severus headed outside once again. He met someone along the way to the lake.

He was just about to head across the lawn when he heard some snickering behind him. He turned around and there were three boys. He was already a bit irritated and he wanted to avoid seeing these idiots but he just didn't have any luck. As soon as they noticed him Potter raise his eyebrows and gave a crooked smile before getting nearer the other boy. Black took the new reaction a made a mocking horrified expression and even stammered his comment.

"Awww, that's you. I'm so scared of you now big boy! Maybe I should start avoiding a muggle fighter like you from now on…or not."

Severus was already irritated and just glared at the jeering idiots and tried to forget what they said and walk away. Well he almost succeeded but a couple of boys disagreed with that plan. Black stuck his leg in the way and tripped Severus. Severus fell to the ground. He tried to get up but he failed badly as a couple of the boys were blocking he way. His first wish was just to get away but they seemed to like where he was. He was already tired of keeping up his façade but once again destiny was putting obstacles in his path. Potter started his project to annoy him and to get him riled up. It was boring picking on someone who hardly reacted.

"There you are so helplessly! Can't you even stand up to meet me as man?" That gave Severus the willpower to try to get up again but he didn't manage it. He got knocked back down onto the ground again as soon as he was half wayf up.

"Pitiful try! Aren't your muggle fight skills any help now? Can't draw my buddy's blood from there!" Severus thought that 'was he a wizard or what' and finally took his wand out of his pocket. He heard Black about to cast disarm spell but as he knew the spell now he could repel the it. Just then the door opened a few meters away and the boys walked away from him as the person coming out was the large keeper of the keys heading to his little cottage. As he passed Severus who was still on the ground he stopped for a moment to asked in a booming voice.

"What happened to you boy! Why are you down there looking so grim." Severus staggered to his feet and snarled his answer.

"I just fell down sir." Hagrid looked at Severus suspiciously but finally just shook his head and nodded. He knew the two other boys had moved away a bit too quickly for it not to look suspicious but it seemed there was nothing he could do about it without the other boy admitting what happened, after all he wasn't really a teacher. As soon as Hagrid continued making his way to his cottage Severus looked up and with a short glance he saw that the idiots had took the time to get away, what losers Severus thougth. As soon as he got nearer to his place at the lake; he let his façade to crumble. It was a few days since he had last had a chance to be totally alone.

He totally hated being forced to act relaxed when he was feeling anything but. That not only gave him a headache but also made him irritated. And Antonio wasn't someone he could be comfortable with. The reason was that he was from a totally different class and they were usually only giving him trouble. He had managed so far keeping everyone believing that he was not so shy but if he'd ever show Antonio the true him there might be a totally different reaction. He had been able to keep it up somehow with Antonio but earlier today it was totally different. He thought about his actions this morning when the group of students came up to Lucius and him. He had simply lost his nerves and tried to stay out of the way. Usually when there were other kid group near him before Hogwarts it was never a good occurrence. The least he would get was some small mocking or they could get bolder and did something more. Needless to say he just couldn't except anything else any longer… 'What ifs' were always whirling in his mind when there were any kid groups around. So better to be safe than sorry. He just couldn't help the cautious feelings if there were some kid-group around. Not to mention those damned marauders… they were the pain in the ass. They tried to make him feel so powerless but he would never give up and show how defenseless he actually felt. Knowledge is a very dangerous weapon and in wrong hands. He couldn't help but compare those idiots to the ones that tormented him in Muggle School. That thought brought about some more unwanted thoughts and he was stuck in his mind storm.

Severus had been sniffling there for an hour or so when he subconsciously started to search for his knife. His mind was still elsewhere when he found what he was looking for but hands knew what to do without his mind's help. The only differently was that now that he wasn't concentrating on what he was doing he didn't know exactly how deep the gash were. It took him some time to pull away from his thoughts and when he looked at his hand he gulped.

He certainly hadn't meant to cut that deep. His hand was bleeding freely and even fairly rapidly at that. He cursed his thoughtlessness and just stared at the bleeding arm as his mind was trying to decide if let it bleed or not….

To be continued!

Hahahahaahaha! I'm evil am not I? Maybe slight gliffhanger might give you all a push to you to give a review! I was playing with a thought of writing more but then I realized that I haven't done any good cliffhanger in this story as far as I can remember! So about time!

Very big thanks to my readers but especially ones that dared to review me! You know I won't bite you if you give your review(well quite opposite actually)! Ones reviewing will win a two hours long detention with Professor Snape: ) If especially long reviw then I might provide even a long lecture of how dangerous potion making can be!(I do hope I got potion making part ok… I don't know if I would be able to write total process but I didn't dare to try, might get over my skills already! I guess I'll never be skilled potion master then: )

Lets give a few review answers here… I hope won't disapprove of me giving them but I really do want to give them even shortly. Kendra: ))))))) happy to see you still around! Glad you enjoy this story! I hope you aren't mad about little cliffhanger I gave… Think if I would really dare to do it or not? And Aloha; Welcome to read here where place is actually working! I'm happy to have you sticking to my story! I do hope you enjoyed also this chapter. Lastly Athena… I don't thin she is even reading this but she did add part of personal disgussion as a review! I'm a bit mad at decision to answer in review instead of private messages where we were speaking… It shouldn't' have been public disgussion! Not any idea of privacy with her!

Lastly but not any way least – DO REVIEW!


	15. Chapter 15

FINE, I admit I don't own any of it! Well maybe my twisted plot and some own characters.

I did try posting this a few days before but was down for couple days so it delayed a bit. I only dread of all the alerts I missed because of it… I do hope also other writers realized what was up to at the moment. I do admit it gave me a few boring days when no new chapter alerts came to my mail : )

I'm real sorry for the cliffy I gave to you… no I'm not! I honestly think that every writer should do them even once in their stories! I do know other side of the coin too : ) so I won't do them too often. I'd like to thank my wonderful betareader Sherry for wonderful job done to my fic! She's really trying to shine my writing in English : ) Now I except you're all awaiting what did I do after my tragedy ending of last chappy, go ahead and read(and review).

Chapter 15

Severus had been sniffling there for an hour or so when he subconsciously started to search for his knive. His mind was still elsewhere when he found what he was looking for but hands knew what to do without his mind's help. The only differently was that now that he wasn't concentrating on what he was doing he didn't know exactly how deep the gash was. It took him some time to pull away from his thoughts and when he looked at his hand he gulped.

He certainly hadn't meant to cut that deep. His hand was bleeding freely and even fairly rapidly at that. He cursed his thoughtlessness and just stared at his bleeding arm as his mind tried to decide if he should let it bleed or not….

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Severus gulped as he realized how mortal the gash was. And knew that it would get worse if he didn't do something soon. Somewhere behind the thought was a small voice was trying to convince him how easy it would be to just let it be…and finish it all. It was kinda making sense and he was actually contemplating what would happen if he actually did that. On the other hand he realized that his dad really needed him especially after how much he had suffered after losing his mother. He knew his dad still loved him…he was just too depressed to actually show it that often lately. He would be practically taking his dad with him and he would never do that. His dad had lost enough without any more grief. He felt guilty for even thinking about suicide but all the ifs, ands, and buts were trying to convince him it was simpler this way.

Hesitantly he pressed his sleeve to the bleeding arm and started to stanch the flow of blood. He couldn't deny that the thought of letting it bleed again was in his mind but not as strong. He thought of his dad as he stared at his arm trying to convince himself that he really wanted the bleeding to stop. Eventually it did and he washed his arm and sleeve of most of the blood in the lake. He did that so no one would realize what had happened. As he glanced behind himself he groaned…he would have to clean up the ground as well. If anyone found all that blood…it would bring nothing good. He succeeded cleaning up his spot and was glad he finished when he did. He saw someone walking across the lawn. Severus hid behind the rocks and just stared at the lapping water and tried to calm down and breath slowly. The accident had been quite scary and after contemplating a few minutes he made up his mind and threw his knife as far into the lake as he could. He couldn't afford another mistake like that ever again!

Lucius was looking at the parchment in front of him. He knew he probably shouldn't write this letter but no one at school would ever know that he wrote it. He had trusted the things he had written to his grandpa. And knew that his trust would never be broken. Besides he really was a smart guy for one hundred. As he stared at the letter that only contained the greeting so far he contemplated what to tell his grandpa. How much could he dare tell? He started to write hesitantly at first but the longer he wrote the surer he was about what he wanted and needed to say. After some time he decided that the letter was ready and read it through one more time just to be sure it had everything he wanted to say.

_Dear grandpa!_

_I thought to write to you just a bit about how my schooling has gone so far! As you and my dad I got sorted into Slytherin! Things are going fine in school. Classes are going just fine as far as I can tell. Unfortunately I fell ill for a couple of days but my friend was helping me to stay up to date on what we were doing in classes while I was ill. I've made a few friends so far and can you believe it; I WAS JUST TALKING TO ANTONIO DOLOHOW FOR HALF AN HOUR EARLIER TODAY! It_ _was incredible and he was a fine guy despite everything I've heard about his family! He was nothing like what I was expecting! Nothing like he was at the dinners at our house when my dad was keeping his business dinners! He didn't remember me but that's not really a miracle as they came to our house rarely and then it was for formal dinners. However he's actually a pretty cool guy and nicer that I ever thought. Maybe we'll become friends…it would be cool!_

_I was intending to ask for your knowledge about one matter you are always so smart about everything! The friend that was keeping me updated on homework and classes…he isn't quite like everyone else. He's he lost his mother when he was still young and I think he and his father might have taken it quite badly. Some muggle man killed his mother. Dad was so right about muggles all the time! However it cannot be the reason that he is shunning away from every tiny bit of attention. He spoke so hesitantly about his earlier school years He wasn't very popular but can it really affect him that much? He told me they shunned him and hardly anyone spoke to him and they picked on him when the teachers weren't looking. He got real upset about the matter when we were speaking…I just…this place isn't like his earlier school if you aren't counting a couple of idiots from Gryffindor_. _My point is he should know this is different here but he isn't acting like that. He hates getting any attention in class and he's really shy around a large group of people. Not to mention that he takes some small things far too seriously thought they mean nothing really…he still gets upset over them. He won't believe that sticking out to the teacher in class is good He tries to stay in the background but he seems to shine in classes as he's doing so well. Also one thing…he had severe bruising on his back from before coming here and he got real angry when I asked about them; not to mention that he refused to go to the hospital wing no matter what. Some Gryffindors are being hard on him all the time but he won't tell the teachers it's as if he thought he had to survive it all on his own._ _I think it was like that in his other school but I just wondered why he just couldn't move on and shake it all off now…That's Hogwarts after all! He was so careful even around me at first for Merlin's sake. I think he's finally accepting my company now but he won't relax if there is anyone else around. Grandpa, what should I do? I'd like to help him somehow but I don't know how…if I try reasoning with him on anything he only gets upset and runs away. I don't know if that is because of mother's death or if it's really that bad if you are teased at school? He should be happy to be away from there and finally be able to relax is what I think. Maybe you can enlighten me somehow…you know so much about everything. I'd appreciate you help in this matter!_

_And I really like it here at Hogwarts, I understand now what you were telling me about this place from when you attended. It is just as amazing as you told me!_

_Regards: Your grandson Lucius Malfoy!_

He read his letter through and smiled broadly. He would trust even his life with his grandpa and no one else would ever know that he ever told. Not to mention that his grandpa would never know about whom he was speaking about. And Severus…he had better post the letter soon. He went to the owlery to find his own hawk, of course being a Malfoy gave his the right to bring a pet other than that of a cat, rat, frog or owl.

"Come on Azure, I have something for you to deliver! Here you are, Good Girl! Give me your leg please, I have a letter for my grandpa! Now please go and get this letter to him! Let no one see it but my grandpa!"

He left the owlery trying to think that he had not done wronged Severus by telling about his friend's life. It was just his grandpa! He succeeded in convincing himself that he had done the right thing and that soon he would get some advice on how to act or what to do about Severus. It was about time for dinner so he headed to the Great Hall hoping that he could reach Severus there finally.

However he didn't find Severus there as he was hoping for. They would have half an hour for dinner and he really wondered why Severus wasn't there already. He went looking in the few places he knew Severus spent time and eventually went to the lake.

As he reached the place he could see at first glance that something was off. Severus was just staring at the lake almost as white as a ghost and he would glance up once in a while to his arm. The reaction he got out of Severus as he greeted him was totally unexpected. His dark eyes shone clear alarm for a moment before he schooled his expression. Lucius ended up just stuttering that it was dinnertime as surprisingly Severus nodded and rose up in that instant. For some reason he could see Severus sway for just a second before he started across the lawn. He had no idea why that his alarm bells began to ring and he wondered what the hell had happened. However Severus was not looking to see if he was following but hurried up to the castle. Lucius had to resort to running to catch up with Severus who finally slowed down to wait for him as he reached the castle. Lucius tried to catch his breath as the went through the door. Severus wasn't looking that great but he was almost afraid to ask what the problem was. He decided to just wait and see if he could actually tell the reason. He tried to joke on the matter to see if it would help.

"Did you see a Grim somewhere? You practically flew to the castle. Not to mention how pale you are…

He got certainly brisk answer to that as Severus snapped at him.

"Says who? Your face is all red and you are holding your side as if it was hurting!"

"Um…" Yup, Severus really belonged in slytherin. Lucius decided to drop the subject with that and just proceeded to go to the great hall for dinner. It was a miracle but Severus actually followed him still looking a bit pale. It was a very quiet dinner because if he tried to say anything to Severus he would just snap back spitefully.

Severus was quite startled when Lucius came up to him but dutifully schooled his expression not to show any of his feelings. He did his best to cover it and unfortunately his best weapon was to let his bitterness overcome it all. He knew it was unfair to dump his bad mood on Lucius but he couldn't help it and being honest he wasn't thinking too straight at the moment. Deep inside he was thanking the gods that Lucius didn't come out any earlier. However he didn't want to stay there any longer. He didn't exactly run to the castle but his hurried steps weren't slow either. He knew Lucius had to run to just stay behind him but he didn't care at the moment. Even after they went inside he was on the verge of yelling at someone and Lucius happened to be the only one around so he snapped at him whenever he said anything to him. Deep inside he knew he was wrong but he couldn't help himself.

Half an hour later he was beginning to calm down and as soon as the hatred left him something else filled its place; guilt. As he thought about what he said in anger he turned to pale again but for a different reason. Later when they were studding in the Slytherin lounge he glanced at his friend. Or more like they were both concentrating on their books without really being able to concentrate on anything. Lucius had learnt his lesson quickly and didn't try to speak. He knew better to wait for his friend to calm down first.

It too a good fifteen minutes more of Severus just pretending to read his book with his hands shaking before he finally called out Lucius' name weakly. He was ashamed of himself at the moment for acting as he did. Lucius glanced up and answered his look curiously and it seemed to him as if his friend finally calmed down.

Severus really wondered if he had imagined the calculating expression on his friend's face but the guilt he felt was building up inside him so he just pushed his suspicions down and shook his head and walk up to his friend. It took every bit of his courage for Severus to tell Lucius what he was yearning to tell. He couldn't really look at his friend in the eyes but he sat down on the chair near the fireplace and spoke as he glazed into the fire.

"Lucius…I'm really sorry for snapping at you. I was…I was just so…I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it…" he glanced at Lucius to check how he was taking it and saw that Lucius' expression was slightly annoyed.

"Look, it's fine!" with on look Lucius noticed that it wasn't nearly enough to convince the mulish boy so he went on. "I really don't mind you ranting at me. I knew you were just in a bad mood and that is an excusable reason. It's like anyone else wouldn't do it if in a bad mood. Besides it's more irritating that you feel that you should apologize to me all the time." Severus didn't agree.

"No, it was not you I was angry at so it's not an excusable reason to me. Still I was snapping at you like some fool." Lucius just shook his head and shot a warning glare.

"No, stop blaming yourself. See no harm done! Just believe me, okay! And don't try to dissuade me from that opinion, it wont' work." Severus finally became quiet and smiled at Lucius meekly.

"Okay…if you're really sure. Well, thanks for forgiving me. I really didn't mean it." Lucius just shook his head again but let it go. How hard can it be to believe that you didn't do anything wrong, Lucius thought.

They were just finishing their class assignments for the coming week and honestly it was more than Lucius behind with the home work as Severus was perfecting his almost ready essays. Lucius found his friend really helpful with these and as he heard that Severus didn't have to do many essays because he had done them in class, Lucius whistled. Then he dryly commented that maybe his friend would almost be read to do the teacher's job. Severus just shot him his 'death glare' and didn't' say anything to Lucius for sometime. However five minutes later things were already forgotten as he explained something Lucius had done wrong in his essay.

Hours later everyone was asleep except Severus. He was drawn back to the lake in his mind as he stared at the deep gash on his arm. He wanted to believe that he didn't wish it had kept bleeding but the truth irked him greatly. He felt guilty for thinking of ending his life but at the same time he longed for the peace he would get from it. Sure he had been cutting himself for some time but he had never cut that deep. He found it quite scary that he had hesitated in stopping the bleeding earlier today. Was he really that desperate that he wanted to end it all? Life had been terrible for him but killing himself only would have shown how badly they got to him and that was last he wanted. He just hoped that his dad would stop drinking and start behaving as he used to. Even their last words before he left for Hogwarts were cold and forced and his dad told him to behave himself. Severus only wanted his 'old dad' back.

He was on the verge of tears when he remembered to cast a silencing spell around his bed. It and the knowledge of everyone sleeping around him allowed him to finally give into the pressure and he began to cry. He curled up into a fetal position and hugged his knees as he took some comfort from finally allowing himself to cry. For half an hour he just sat there and cried over all the misery in his life. After that he removed the silencing spell and allowed himself to fall into a peaceful sleep after his bout of tears.

Morning came and Severus felt very apprehensive about he coming classes. He didn't have an appetite so he sat there pushing his food around in his plate. He really disliked going to classes and being exposed to unwanted attention. He really missed the weekend now that it was over again. He just wanted to stay away from everyone but life wasn't all beer and skittles. Everyone had to do their duties no matter if it was enjoyable or not. If that wasn't enough then Lucius was again annoying him with his chitchat and he wasn't in the mood to go along with it. He was half-annoyed and half-grateful to Lucius for hanging around him. Not that he actually admit it aloud. He was mostly annoyed because he really wasn't in the mood for talking but Lucius just kept on talking and talking. After an excruciating long breakfast they headed for the Dark Arts classroom.

When they got to the class he shrank down and tried to become as invisible as possible. Lucius just sighed seeing that but made no further comment. Some people were still whispering to each other as the professor hadn't arrived yet and it was like Severus believed they were all talking about him by the way they were avoiding looking at him. Lucius wished he could say something to Severus but the teacher came in. Lucius saw his friend's relief when Mrs. Longbottom appeared at the door and closed it with a switch of her wand. The class groaned when she requested the essay on what they had learned the prior week. The teacher began by asking questions from different students and occasionally she lapsed into lecture mode. They were mostly taking noted during this lesson and Severus had been only one of the few in Slytherin whom succeeded in answering the question Professor Longbottom asked. There were others who answered right but they were in Ravenclaw so it wasn't so miraculous. Severus turned bright read as he had been awarded three points for his correct answers. Lucius was astonished when he noticed a few annoyed glances directed at his friend. He got slightly mad at the few who did it. Whether they meant it or not they were surely making Severus feel very uncomfortable. It wasn't like Severus meant to be some snot but he was just naturally smart without putting much of an effort into it. He was clear that he wasn't trying to get the attention.

After class they had History of Magic and after he had totally dropped trying to listen he grabbed some paper and scratched a small note for Severus knowing that Mrs. Binns wouldn't ever know…at least one good point about having history class like that.

'Hey, would you like to talk. I'm certain she won't notice anything if we pass messages back and forth to each other. Not to mention how clear it is that the other students are just drowsing.'

'Yeah, why not. She's totally tedious and I really wonder why they don't replace her with somebody… at least living.'

'That's a Home Run! Honestly she hardly notices that there are any students around and just lectures on and on without glancing up once.'

'Too true, one good thing is that…(Severus smeared what he had written not wanting to finish his train of thought and continued) there's really not that much to do in this class and we can skive off from the studying. Care to play hangman?'

'What on earth that is?'

'Ahh, that's quite a nice muggle game. Let me show you how it's played.'

So Severus taught Lucius the rules of the game and before they noticed they were deep into the word game. They played the class through and though they sometimes did get hanged most of the time they guessed the right word after Lucius had grasped how the game was played. After the class was over they started to head for lunch

First off, Thanks greatly for you Kendra and Alohabraken! I don't know if I would have got my story that far without your help in form of reviews : ). Reviews really are fuel for us writers and I'm not any exception with that. You see now I didn't end that with cliffie : ), just innocent hangman game! And he did not only survive… he also threw his knife away! I'm kinda good at making my characters to suffer but really letting them die… only if I don't like the character! I would have no problems letting James to die as example… not that I like Black that much either. Wormtail I see as shy weak-minded boy who is wanting to stay popular by shadowing the stronger character in their house. Lupin… only god knows why he did choose to stay with them in first place. I still think he was fine though he was afraid of making anything about his friend's behaving. I'll take Lupin along to my story eventually but not just yet. Even then I don't think he's going to be overly bully as he isn't that even in Snape's worst memory. Gawking at myself… here I find myself just rambling on when you should be writing me your review! Go, go and review my story! It really helps with getting into writing mood when I know that my text is read! (hint hint)


	16. Chapter 16

I 

Hey all! First off, I own nothing but my twisted plot and a few own characters. Would you honestly think that you would be reading this for free if I got any money out of this?

Now.. sorry for taking my time with updating. I honestly am real sorry but RL was trying to take over everything for once but you see... here I am again! Sherry, I just love the work you do for me when you are so loyally correcting my texts as well as can be! And you know... you've done that for me for fourteen chapters already and that is my record of keeping any betareader! But please go ahead with the story I hope you will like it and would you please consider telling me your opinion of it?

Chapter 16

After class Severus was in a better mood. As they were heading for lunch Lucius was glad. He noticed that he actually got a response to his chatting and his friend wasn't looking so gloomy anymore. He was pretty sure that the earlier gloominess had been just the after-effect of the weekend. Severus was most likely missing the freedom and honesty taking most of the students on Monday could make anyone grumpy. The only difference was that instead of being grumpy Lucius thought Severus looked blue. Whatever the reason for Severus funk Lucius was just happy it was over. He still remembered how badly off Severus had been yesterday. He didn't think he would ever get an answer to his questions about what had happened over the weekend…no if, ands, or buts about it!

Severus stopped thinking about his troubles by the time class ended. He didn't know why but everything seemed lighter at the moment. He was still a bit embarrassed over the accident yesterday, not to mention how he nearly was caught. If Lucius had only come earlier…He just wanted to forget he whole thing. Lucius was chatting and that distracted Severus from his painful thoughts. He decided to keep those flea-bitten rats of Mauraders away from him for a while. Out of sight out of mind. Maybe he wasn't about to blab to the teachers about what was happening, but if he could just keep them off his back for a while and then he'd be happy. In his other school he was often left alone and that was partly why he was left to the wolves. Now he was hardly ever alone so it just might work out. Since he had only been attacked while he was alone. He was again grateful to Lucius for sticking with him and certainly wondered why on earth he had been feeling so down earlier. He just shook his head and silently yelled at himself for doing something so stupid in the first place. He knew first hand why he shouldn't trust anyone else but he felt as if he could use the company. When they entered the great hall and dinner greeted him his stomach growled. He ate with relish having skipped breakfast. Severus was really beginning to like History of Magic!

Later as they headed for Charms Severus felt himself with drawing again. As he entered the classroom the familiar insecurities kicked in and he picked a table in the corner and thought of just being alone; which was the norm for him. Now however he wasn't alone and Lucius parked his butt in the next seat and sat near him meaning to offer any encouragement his friend he could use. He wasn't sure how to react to that and just glanced around the room to check out the Gryffindors on the other side. They seemed to be mostly chatting to each other and he luckily saw no-one looking at him. He was hoping to keep it that way for as long as possible. Well, that was the intention at least.

Professor Flitwick came into the room with his normal flourish, turning once reaching the front of the class he told us what our assignment was. At that everyone's mouth practically hung open.

"Today we are going to start brand new project. This is going to be so fun! We are starting the practice anagram charm! We'll start with its counter-charm and as soon as you've got it mastered you will get the anagram charm itself. We will practice this as long as it takes you to grasp it properly. If someone completes the assignment earlier you can help your class-mates perfect their incanting. Now I'm going to give you a paper that is charmed with the spell. Everyone is going to get a paper that is a bit different and will include a password. Then you are to incant the paper back to disorder again with the directions that the paper will give you! People who are able to hand me that paper in disorder along with the password are considered finished. If you are not finished by the end of the class you will finish it in the next class. If you manage to finish that, then I will give you your the next assignment. It may look weird what we are looking at but at the end of the week the whole class may have finished the assignment. I have quite a few small assignments for you to accomplish so we should be busy for the whole week. I'm sure that you'll be done by then. If not then you'll have to write an essay and that will be have to be enough for now. So no pressure! Now I'll hand you your assignments and then we shall try that counter-charm first. Just one more thing, you will pair up with someone from the other house to complete you assignment!"

Severus couldn't believe his ears. This was really bad…his breath hitched and he began to sweat at the idea of having to be paired with a Gryffindor. He looked over at the Gryffindors who were looking disgustedly towards the Slytherin. There was only two Gryffindors in the whole class with whom he would consider pairing with, but with his luck he would probably end up with someone annoying or even one of those disgusting marauders. Moreover the person would probably be disgusted with having to pair with him. They would most probably just forget he existed if he were lucky. He sure knew well enough what it was like to be alone while trying to work as a pair. By now he was slipping into hopelessness but then he saw someone coming his way and he knew the person. Maybe, just maybe he wouldn't be a fifth wheel at this time. He struggled to keep his face cool as Valtteri stopped beside him and asked if he wanted to pair up with him. Sure he wanted and thought he was actually a bit overjoyed he just kept his cool and said 'yeah'. Maybe this class assignment wouldn't be so bad after all.

When Severus got the assignment he noticed it really was in a perfect disorder. It would be a miracle if the bunch of letters really could become actual words. Or then it could be he just sucked at anagram games. At least now he got to do it with magic and that was much nicer than in a muggle style. He glanced at Lily who was with one of the boys he didn't know very well. He felt something akin to regret for not working with her but she didn't looked that disturbed with the person she was paired with. For reason unknown that made him almost sad, almost! Not that he would really admitted that even one bit. Besides why on the earth he should feel sad if some Gryffindor was sitting with someone else but him.

In that instantly he realized that he had been staring at Lily and he tore his glaze away from her. It wouldn't do for people to think that he had a crush on her when it was so clearly not the case. As he glanced at Valtteri he noticed to his horror that Valtteri had been looking at him a bit too curiously. He swore under his breath and taking a deep breath he prepared to act as if nothing had happened. He asked if Valtteri had his paper; though he knew very well that he had it. That did the trick and all their attention was aimed at the mix of miscellaneous letters. He was a bit surprised to notice that Valtteri sighed almost inaudible. He frowned a bit at that and asked what the problem was.

"vell just listen to dat." he tried to say the spell a few times and everytime first f was coming as v and glanced at Severus as if Severus should realize what he trying to show.

"Oh, I see. Maybe you can say it if I try to emphasize it a little stronger than youI normally would." Severus said. However he didn't wait for the sarcastic laugh, which had nothing to do with a real joy, from his partner.

"Sure just try to over pronounce it and make vool of yourselv. I just vish I vould have realised this problem vrom the peginning since ve moved to USA. However it vas not the case and I vas happy just understand dem and being understood. Only good thing is that ve are sitting here at the corner dat not so many people vill hear my groping attempts to say it properly. Vorst is dat too many spells are really asking vor pronouncing some letters right in order to make dem vork. Sometimes I really vonder iv I vas really meant to pe here." he said in a bitter tone. Severus sympathized with him and he tried to smile encouragingly at Valtteri.

"I'm sure you'll pick it up eventually. You'll have time to learn to say it better. Besides I'm sure your trying sounds just fine. Why don't you try saying it!" said Severus. He thought that should do the trick as he looked at Valtteri who was still looking at him dubiously but he did start trying to say it. Well maybe Severus thought Valtteri was right he really sounded a bit strange. To hear him pronounce the words somewhat too powerfully and using a long f sound didn't really sound like it should. Besides Severus thought they were sitting in a pretty lonely corner so that wasn't really a big deal as most wouldn't hear him. Severus liked the idea that because Valtteri had trouble with the words that they wouldn't be the first ones ready and be responsible for helping others in there spell work. Valtteri didn't want to do that for that either as someone would have found it funny that he was pronouncing it the way he was; if he said it shortly it came out as a v or as ffff. Severus certainly wasn't the kind of jerk that enjoyed seeing anyone struggling to do something with hardly any success. Usually it was him who was in that position.

"Look around and you'll see a bunch of people also trying to get it to work with no success whatsoever." he added smirking. It seemed that so far there was no one getting it. He himself started to work on the problem as he saw teacher's look linger on him and for a second tried to purposely get his somewhat wrong. Nobody would notice if he did that. The only problem was that as soon as his concentration faded on trying to get it wrong he found himself with a clear paper in front of him. He hardly had time to conceal his achievement as the teacher was already there.

"Mr. Snape! Again first one to complete his assignment! Two points to Slytherin!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

Severus was trying not to redden at the unwanted attention as he tried to forget everyone who was staring at them because of that remark. He didn't need anyone to tell him that there were people looking at them now.

Valtteri was looking at him and as soon as the teacher left he tried to say something.

"You know only thing you should do is just to vorget dem. Or one once told me that iv you are veeling uneasy vor own lecture or vor any reason just try to imagine your listeners only with their unmentionaples on. It gives incrediple lot of guts and pesides vhat they don't know von't hurt them." Valtteri said smirking. That did a trick and instantly Severus was snickering just a bit.

"That really sounds as if it really would be the thing to do." He added dryly.

"You got that one done vell, care to show me how you did it?" Valtteri asked.

Severus looked at Valtteri a bit unsure but sighing he gave in to the request. After a bit of practice together Valtteri got the spell right once in a while which he was incredible happy about. Maybe he wasn't remembering the correct pronunciation if he just spoke freely but that he could say it aloud was miracle itself. By the end of the assignment they weren't too keen about the thought of helping others and they just began chatting silently for the moment.

"You know… I should thank you for helping me out vith dis one. I don't think so many vould have peen so volunteering to help to dat extend that you did…nor even pair up vith me at dat. Usually I'm vith Lily in dese situations put now as ve vere asked to pe vith Slytherins… You know vhat I mean." Valtteri said whispering as he wanted to make certain that nobody else heard it.

"Yeah I understand, a bit too well. I really don't mind pairing up with you. Actually imagine me pairing up with some other Gryffindor other than you or Lily…"

"Yup, the point taken. py the vay, vould you have preverred to pe vith Lily?" He asked looking as if butter would melt in his mouth. Severus just goggled at him before he remembered to hide his reaction and he schooled his expression as he said as believable sounding as possible.

"It really isn't the matter if it is you or Lily, just not any of the more annoying Gryffindors. There really is quite a few of them." But he didn't think so really. He wasn't sure what made him lie for but he did. What he was more horrified about was that it didn't seem that he had convinced Valtteri about it by the look of it. "I really am serious" he added almost stammering. He was ready to hit his head on the table for how unconvincing he had managed to sound now. Worst thing was that he didn't know why it should matter after all. Lily was just a friend! Nothing more, nothing less.

Valtteri just nodded at that a bit too cheerfully looking and Severus thanked Merlin that the class ended then. He had really never fancied anyone and he'd never allowed himself to. All that would lead to was more hurt than he already for.

He was more or less lost in his own thoughts when he was made his way to the Potion classroom and he never noticed that a couple of prats come at his way. He wasn't far from the class when they caught up with him and tripped so that he landed on the granite floor. His head swam for moment and he realized his nose was bleeding as he tried to get up quickly. Class was starting soon and he should get in there before he was late. However he didn't make it very far as he never made it straight up before someone grabbed him and turned him around before settling him down against the wall. He was still very dazed as someone started to question him.

"What happened? Was it someone tripping you or just an accident? Did you see the person?" someone asked in a half worried and half annoyed voice. As he answered he realized just how hard it was to speak just now.

"Just an accident. I'll be all right in a minute and I really should get to the class!" he said instinctively trying get rid of the person whoever it was. As he looked closely he realized that person holding him was his own head of house whose class he had been heading to. If that wasn't bad enough he realized that most of the Gryffindors and Slytherins were in a semi-circle around them. As he tried to get up a hand kept him down.

"Maybe not Mr. Snape. Now…did anyone else see what happened?" Only silence met that question and he went on, "Guys, do wait in the class I'll be there as soon as I've got Mr. Snape into proper care. Now!" And everyone sprinted towards the classroom though a couple people were hesitating to leave them. He wasn't quite able to clear his sight enough to know who it was but he could guess. It most likely was probably Lucius but he wasn't the only one… maybe Lily and Valtteri stayed as well. He cursed his still swimming sight and let his head to fall back against the wall, his eyes close. As someone tried to speak to him he felt as if he was hearing as through under water. He tried to say something in return but he couldn't make himself. As someone picked him up into his arms he lost the fight and the world went blacked.

Now... Aloha, Kendra... really big thanks for sticking to this story! And not only review but review every chapter! I just love that! Severus really needs a really good friend, yeah. But really some real good white chocolate or fazer's blue chocolate would do miracles... lol. I know, I know... I just told you guys that I wouldn't do cliffies that often... but I couldn't resist to stopping in this place! You really must understand that! I promise I will update now sooner than I did earlier. I took some while before I got used to this my new schedule but now I'm fine with it and I should be able to write now a bit better : ). Please. whomever you are over there and reading this... DO REVIEW! I'd love even flames but really, if you are planning to critisize, go ahead but please do it in a constructive way! I do love getting told what I would do better. So you may telll about my grammar mistakes but please tell how to improve it! I'm still practising english here and I do hope that my writing is improving somewhat! But please do review!


	17. Chapter 17

**Here I am again, nice to see you there again! Ahh, I admit, I don't own any of it, if I did, Harry Potter books might be pretty short books as they clearly aren't! Go ahead and read, its been so long when I was last posting my last chapter. And Denise, Thanks a lot for you wonderful job over my fic! I did wonder if I got problems for site's requent problems and that might be reason that I'm not getting even one review so I thougth to post it again.**

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Severus woke up to realize that he was being carried by Nichols. His breath caught in his throat; Severus wasn't comfortable with a thought of anyone carrying him. Moreover, the idea of what Nichols now knew was terrifying him greatly.

As they neared the hospital wing, Severus realized that nobody had had a chance to see his hands yet, but too soon they would! They'd think he was suicidal but really he wasn't! What if his dad got to hear about it…. Any adult around him would tell his father about his scars if they ever saw them.

He tried instinctively to get off from His teacher, but they were already at the ward and luckily he only managed to land on the bed instead of the floor. Then Joe called that interfering tigress to them. Severus was fairly irritated and he sent his 'death glare' to Joe, but knowing that he had no real chances of stopping him, Severus just sighed and started to look at the ceiling.

Nobody said a word until Madam Pomfrey bustled into the room.

Severus just looked away from both of the adults as Nichols told as much as he knew to the frowning nurse. Severus was tempted just to dash away, but against his wishes, he just stayed and prepared to keep his ground no matter what either of the adults would try. Mentally, he was as ready as he could possibly be.

As he saw couple of the adult stop speaking to each other, he swallowed nervously and looked at the tigress warily as she furiously got nearer him. Too soon he was under of inspection.

The whole ordeal was annoying. Tigress muttered some Latin litany as she moved her wand over his body. Severus saw his body glimmering at a few places, unfortunately his back and hands were among these places. That caused the tigress to demand to see his upper body and he froze for a second. However, Severus forced himself to relax, as it really would make her suspicious if he was to panic at the thought of an examination. Maybe he would explain something… he would figure something out.

Hands shaking, he started to remove his clothes, dreading the moment they would see his hands. He really hoped that his back was healed by now. Severus stretched his muscles as he took the final shirt off. He prayed furiously that his back was good enough, but his hands were altogether a different matter. He was nervous when his back came into sight. By the look of the adults around him , his back had healed more than he had expected. Then, he looked down shamefully at his hands, which he knew certain were still scarred, only to realize that they were clear with not even one scratch.

Severus suppressed a surprised yelp, and looked up, challenging both adults to complain. His brain was already thinking about where his scars might have gone. There was no way that they'd have disappeared in a day. Well, now he had a chance to avoid the unnecessary explanation , as the scars were absent at least. There would have been hell to pay if they didn't… Severus made a mental note to find out what on the earth had happened to the scars later.

Curiously, his new injuries were still there. He just shook his head and allowed the meddling mediwitch to clean up his injuries. It hurt as a hell as she put some ointment on his broken nose but he withstood it without even flinching. Honestly, he was a bit too used to that kind of pain to actually be affected by it. Severus just took the rest of the potions she gave him meekly before falling asleep.

- XXX -

Nichols was shocked to find Severus laying on the ground in the dungeons when he had been heading for his class.

He had firs t helped the poor boy up sitting by the wall. Then, Nichols noticed that the boy was scratched in quite a few places, and that his nose was bleeding quite madly. In addition, the worst was that he saw the marks on his forehead that clearly showed that Severus had hit his head.

However, he still wanted to know what had happened in the first place. This wasn't really the first time he had found Severus involved in some kind of incident, even during the short time that boy had been here. Just a bit over week, and he had already counted three times when there had been something odd going on with the boy. The boy seemed to be somewhat withdrawn or maybe he was just so shy. Whatever it was he had a feeling there was something he didn't know.

It wouldn't really be a first time that one of his Slytherins had had a problem. He had seen countless children that had been at homed children along his career, and Severus wasn't really acting like that either; he respected adults way too much for that. No, it was the students the boy was careful with. He just hoped it wasn't because of any from anybody..

However, that could not be his primary concern just now; there was still a half conscious boy in front of him. Nichols tried to keep Severus awake and to see if his suspicion would be confirmed. He asked Severus if someone else had done this to him.

He saw Severus' instant alarm at the question and was actually surprised by the student's negative answer after that reaction…… or maybe not so surprised after all. Too many times he had come across this reaction with his Slytherins when they tried to keep something secret.

Nichols tried asking others around them, but only answer he got was a silence. However, he did see a few Gryffindors trying to hide their triumphant smirks. Irritated, he ordered everyone to enter the classroom and wait for him; He would ask the students again once he had gotten Severus to proper care.

But now he had to get Severus to Poppy's care and preferably while he was still consciousl. He tried to speak to the boy again as he picked him up, but it was in vain, as Severus had fainted.

- XXX -

After he had left the hospital wing, Nichols was finally free to think the whole thing over. He was even surer now that Severus wasn't telling him everything, as the student had been too nervous when showing his upper body, as if there should have been something to be worried about. Also Severus appeared a bit too confused after having done so. It was also weird that Severus hadn't even done so much a grimace when Poppy had taken care of his nose, which Nichols knew must have hurt like hell.

Nichols couldn't really tell if he was being over-reactive, but he knew that something was off. He hated having this feeling and he intended to figure out the matter soon; he just couldn't shake the feeling off.

-XXX-

Returning to his classroom, Nichols waited for a second before going in, just to listen what his students were doing when he wasn't there. He cast an eavesdropping charm to check what was going on in his classroom while he was away. As soon as he cast the spell he heard some students fighting in the classroom.

Being already irritated, Nichols slammed the door open and glared down at delinquents. Lucius and Potter appeared about to cast something on each another.

"A Detention for the both of you! Now just go ahead and read to the third chapter of the book before we can begin to brew that potion."

The students then did what they were told. Expectedly, Lucius seemed disapproving, and Potter openly angry, but Nichols simply acted as if he didn't notice; he just wasn't in the mood to deal with the brats. He still had to figure out if there was any reason to act on his suspicions about Severus, but he had to wait for Severus to wake up before he could do so. Sighing, he got on with the class.

-XXX-

Severus woke up slowly, and at first he almost imagined that he was in his own bed. After a second, he realized then that it couldn't be true, and his eyes flew open to see only white… Groaning, he realized that he was in the Hospital Wing.

The tigress had apparently heard his groaning, as she was at his side in a few seconds and already checking him over. As astonishing as it was, his arms were still totally healed and he could only be happy about it, whatever the reason. However, the tigress was frowning at something and too soon she asked him about his back.

"I slept in a bad position and it was feeling like that since then," he made up instinctively, and she seemed to believe him, as she nodded approvingly. He was thinking that it had been too easy to fool everyone, and he wondered if that could really be that easy. But, he really was a master at fooling people, so he wasn't too worried.

Severus looked at the tigress as she complained how he should have come there much earlier that he would have got his back better straight away.

Severus stayed silent for a moment, which he hoped she took as embarrassment for making such a mistake. However, the real reason was completely different. He thought what would have happened if he really had gone to Pomfrey earlier with his bruises, and that was enough to leave him wordless. Severus just thanked gods that he had already healed most of his back. Unfortunately, he didn't have anything to take for remaining pains, but they really hadn't been that severe. As the tigress demanded him to turn around on his stomach, Severus did so very meekly, cherishing his good luck with keeping his secret so far.

At the moment Pomfrey left, Severus' toughness and will dissolved. He slumbered on the bed and stared at the wall, all without ever really seeing it. It had been such a close call. He couldn't afford for any adult to know his secrets, as they would undoubtedly be spread once they knew. He would have to be more careful in the future.

Yes, he had felt the leg trip him up, and he had had a small flash of Potter before he had fallen. No, he wouldn't admit that to Nichols, though Nichols surely would like to know. If Severus did that, Black and Potter would just find different ways to pick on him. He knew that from experience, and he was not about to repeat that experience. Better just keep their interacting that way. If he'd try a bit they wouldn't get a chance.

Then, Severus heard the door open, and saw Lucius hesitantly come in. He groaned silently, and looked at Lucius' approaching form without even raising his head. He gazed at Lucius tiredly as his friend sat down.

Lucius had tried to visit Severus before, but Severus had been deeply asleep at the time he had gotten there. Now, that he was back, Lucius found a very tired-looking, but still awake, Severus.

He saw his friend smiling weakly as he greeted him. Lucius told Severus about the homework they had received, and for a moment they were speaking about mundane things, before Lucius got courage to ask.

"I just needed to know… was it them?" At the sight of Severus' lowered eyes, he knew that was the case. "I'll show them…" Lucius began.

He was stopped by the shocked look on Severus' face at his statement.

"You mustn't do anything! Things are hard enough as they are now, and you would just make it way worse! Trust me; I know what I'm speaking about! Besides, I'll take care that it won't happen again. Just don't do anything… or tell anyone!" Severus said the last part in a pleading tone and Lucius could not do anything but lower his head onto his palms and sigh. Why was Severus so stubborn about everything connected with that topic?

Resigning Lucius replied, "Fine, but let me help you! Could you just tell me how I can help you?"

Lucius received a far different answer than he would have thought. Severus just gaped at him, his mouth open as if Lucius had told him something incredibly ridiculous. He wondered why on the earth Severus would be was so astonished of someone helping him, unless… he didn't believe that anyone would really do that for him.

Lucius just shook his head at the thought, and kept on trying to persuade his friend. "I'm serious; you cannot just tell me that you don't need help, as I'd disagree with that anyhow. So, how can I help you?"

Severus just opened and closed his mouth. For moment, nobody said a word.

After a long silence, in which Severus was gaping like a fish, Lucius looked expectantly and patiently at his friend.

Finally, Severus answered hesitantly, "Could … can we speak about this tomorrow? Just not in this room, ok? I promise I'll tell then… something."

After telling Lucius that in a pleading tone, Severus fell back to the bed and did a mock yawn. It wasn't all that hard to do as he was really feeling a bit weary after all. That did a trick and soon his friend left the room. Now that he was finally alone, panic was trying to take over, but the knowledge that he was still in a public place gave him the power to hold it back and remain outwardly calm.

Severus certainly wasn't ready for what Lucius had offered, and he had no idea what on the earth he would tell Lucius. He did what he most often did, and pushed the though to the side. He really hoped he would be able to come up with a sufficient answer;. preferably something that didn't tell too much. Severus just couldn't speak about it openly, if he wanted to keep his sanity. He really didn't need anyone to insist on helping him every day, and Severus felt as if he'd break if he started to speak too much about it.

Merlin's Sake, he just wanted to be like any student without any idiots around him! Unfortunately, Severus had learnt that the other fellow kids weren't smart enough to realize that their actions were actually causing some damage. He had done a lot thinking over this, and had realized that it was the truth; they just didn't realize it, and he just couldn't walk up to them and say that he was being harmed by their treatment. That wouldn't be enough to make them change. Actually, it would cause quite the opposite, as they would only laugh at him. The other students just couldn't realize what it's like to be him, as they had all had a privileged life.

It took awhile, but finally Severus fell asleep. His dreams weren't really that happy but that was nothing new.

- XXX -

Lucius was back in the dorm again, sitting by the fire. He was staring into the flames, but he wasn't really seeing them, as his thoughts were somewhere else. He had a really bad urge to go and get a teacher, but memory of Severus' eyes was holding him back.

Severus had been so desperate to keep it all to himself, and Lucius could see that he wasn't even meant to know about it. Except, Lucius wasn't blind. Did Severus really think that teachers had no idea what was going on? Maybe some were unaware, but at least Nichols had some idea of what was going on. Even earlier today, when Nichols had seen Severus down on the ground, his first reaction had been if it had been the result of an intentional act. Nichols surely wasn't as blind as Severus had hoped for. Nichols would have to have been blind as a bat to not notice that something was going on.

At this rate, Severus' secret would not remain so for long, but at least Lucius would not have to be the one to reveal it. Severus would take that quite badly if he ever did so. Sighing, Lucius got up and went to bed, even though he didn't believe that he would get any sleep. Indeed, it took a few hours before he could really fall asleep.

- XXX -

Severus woke up middle of the night, sweating profusely, as Madam Pomfrey rushed into the room to check on her patient. At least it gave Severus a good reason to forget his stupid dream, at least for moment. Severus tried to appear relaxed, so she wouldn't try to offer him a Calming Potion; he certainly didn't need one, as she dared to suggest so stupidly! It was she that so clearly needed the potion with her state of mind. He accidentally said that thought aloud and she didn't take it very well. Well, it turned out to be a good way to get rid of that stupid tigress.

Once was alone again, the shaking came back and Severus tried to push the memories of his dream to where the sun doesn't shine.

Finding he couldn't, he crept toward the bathroom, already beginning to hiccup. He found the furthest corner of the bathroom, and sat down, burying his face to his knees.

A familiar nightmare was haunting his mind once again. All of the people in Hogwarts were circling around him, laughing and pointing at him, including every one of his current pals. It hurt him terribly. Only pride kept him from crying, as everyone as every stared and laughed at him.

Severus sat there, shaking and trying to concentrate on his own breathing. After a while, it began to help, and he was able to push away the memory of the nightmare. He snuck back into his bed, and started to work on some homework for a while. When he started to feel a bit sleepy, he set the homework aside and after a while, sleep claimed him.

The next morning Severus woke up to way too familiar sound of the tigress whistling some song. This seriously wasn't his favourite way of waking up. Angrily, he took the potions that tigress had given to him. He actually knew one of the potions vaguely and he wanted to check it out. After she had left, Severus picked up his Potions book to look for it. There it was

the Concussius Unction potion. Sadly he remembered the times his mom had to use it when… again, the memories took over.

_Severus never noticed his father being drunken and angry that often before his mother died. Then, it had only occurred rarely, and his mother had born the brunt of it. He had realized afterward that his mother had kept him away of his father's moods, but even listening to them wasn't that nice either. Severus would have liked to intervene in their fights, but his mother had always made certain that he'd been locked in his room during the worst, just for his own safety. _

Afterwards, she'd always let him out of his room, but he was always shocked at her appearance. He could see the marks again on her face and well hidden tears. Wordlessly, Severus would bring her the Concussius Unction for her to use, as he knew she would have need it.

_Luckily, that hadn't been too often, and dad was fine as long as he wasn't drinking. Well at least until his mother died, then everything changed._

Severus snapped out of his reverie when he heard the door to the Hospital wing open, revealing Nichols. Suddenly, Severus' Potions text was the most interesting thing in the world…

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**Yahoooo, now here! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee review everyone of you! I'd be happy even if you told me that you read it, though I'd welcome a few more words so well : ) Do tell if its better betaread as before? It might be as it certainly should be now… but do tell me! My new betareader was as nice as she even shows me some things that I'm making wrong, not just give a correct version. I do admit it takes a bit a bit more job to check chapter through that way but its worth of the effort! Do review!**


	18. Chapter 18

I don't own any of it(Nichols glares are me now and Valtteri just shakes his head at my lapse of memory.) OK Ok, I own them and my pitiful plot but honestly Rowlong owns most of it! Even Severus though I'd really like to own him!

AC. What can I say… I couldn't be any more sorry than I am now for the delay I've given with this story. Is it any excuse that I had my first few chapters re-betaed as they really needed it? Denise, what would I do without you? You've done so perfect job with my story lately! Now humbly I offer my newest chapter as a repay for all the time it took to get this updated!

_Severus snapped out of his reverie when he heard the door to the Hospital wing open, revealing Nichols. Suddenly, Severus' Potions text was the most interesting thing in the world…_

X X X

Severus retreated behind the shield of his formality as soon as Nichols entered the room. Of course his professor would come and see him! He knew that Nichols had some questions for him, and Severus was far from ready to reveal the truth like that. He knew that the moment he would begin to tell Nichols, that his artificial calmness would be shattered. Severus told himself that he could persuade himself one more time that everything was fine.

He hoped he looked relaxed—though he was anything but—as he read the entry on the Concussius Unction. He pretended that he only now noticed his professor walking up to him, and glanced up, managing a weak smile.

His teacher greeted him warmly, but that didn't fool Severus at all; it could only mean that Nichols wanted something. He put the still-open book face down on the bed, and looked up at his teacher's eyes, and became even more determined not to tell the man anything. In the worst case scenario, he couldn't live with his father any longer if he let the wrong information slip, but even a small slip had a tendency to grow bigger and bigger until there was no way to hid the truth. No, he had to be smart and keep his mouth shut no matter how friendly and trustworthy the man seemed to be. After all, he had seen people try to help him, but they had only made things worse for him with their actions.

Their eyes met and the dreaded talk began.

X X X

"Nice to see that you are feeling better already Mr. Snape. Quite a difference from when I found you in the corridor down in the dungeons," Nichols stated calmly, knowing what he was doing. As Head of Slytherin, he knew that sometimes being brutally honest got better results than simply beating around the bush. For that reason it got a rise out of Severus, when he didn't realize that it was clearly bait.

"Well, it's not like I planned to stumble and hit my head down there," Severus blurted out, accidentally dropping his mask of indifference. That turned out to be a mistake as Sir Nichols seemed to begin look at his way closer. He berated himself for so stupid slip up that quickly and kept his look on his professor as that sat down next to his bed.

"How did it actually happen?" Nichols inquired. He was unsure if he would receive an honest answer but it was worth a shot. After all, he had no proof to back what he believed had happened. Still, the series of accidents was suspicious enough, with or without proof.

"I wasn't looking where I was going and I stumbled," Severus explained. "There was, um, something in the floor and I tripped," Severus said looking as nonchalant as he could look.

However, Nichols didn't quite buy that explanation. The boy was responding much too casually, but explaining far too much to being telling the truth—Nichols smelled a rat. The fact that confirmed this was that he knew _for a fact_ that Severus had lied about at least one thing. He certainly knew that the dungeon's floor was spelled to be clear of anything that might trip people, as it really was very dark down there. The way that the young boy was offering up so much information was very Slytherinesque, and a tell tale sign that he had used the technique often. This told Nichols that he had to get to the truth in a round-about way.

"I believe you. I see you've noticed what potion you got," Nichols stated and Severus was startled by the change in topic. That wasn't exactly what he was waiting for after the last question. "Care to tell me what have you learned so far?" Nichols inquired.

Severus was happy that his explanation was accepted without question, but it was certainly a surprising turn of events. He rolled his eyes at the last question; of course Nichols might ask that as he was a Potions professor. Severus shook his head and tried to answer.

"Ah… it's used for treating a head injuries and brain traumas. Um… and it's supposed to be rubbed into the scalp around the place that got hit." He glanced up hesitantly and saw the slight smile on Nichols face, and a nod that clearly meant for him to go on. "It contains a bit _Datura stramonium_, one petal of _Achimenes hybrida_ um…. _Carnations_…" He checked the last ingredient from the book before checking how his teacher was taking his explanation.

Though he usually got shy during class, seeing how eager his professor he was listening to him, he allowed himself to launch into an exact explanation of how to brew that special potion, and only checked his book every once in a while. "And the _newt toes_ act as a catalyst to get the ingredients to react to one another more powerfully. The brewing process is…" He kept on explaining about the brewing process for a moment more and Nichol's smile was getting wider and wider the longer the explaining took.

Eventually Severus explained the last phase already.

"You are a natural at Potions," Nichols said. "From the beginning, I noticed how you were completing everything correctly, and now you are explaining quite well how to brew a second year's potion, though we've just gotten started with simplest potions in class!" Nichols exclaimed enthusiastically.

That got the shy boy to blush, which made Nichols smirk. He wasn't head of Slytherin House for nothing, and he knew better than to think that Mr. Snape would volunteer the answers he sought. He would ask again eventually, but for now it was better to follow the situation from afar, and build trust between himself and his student. The boy was already grinning slyly in front of him, and Nichols congratulated himself for a succeeding in his plan.

Eventually, the truth would come out; he just needed to have a bit of patience. Besides, he thought that a bit praising would really do the boy good. Nichols decided that he would try and encourage Mr. Snape; even without praise he was doing well in class, but Nichols was sure that he could do even better.

"I'm glad you're getting better so quickly. I expect to see you return to my class soon enough! If you keep working that way you'll be a Potions Master before you notice." Nichols patted Severus on the back got up to leave.

X X X

As soon as Severus was alone, a big smile broke through on his face. He wasn't certain if it was because of the praise, or if it was because he got away with lying to his Head of House, but he certainly felt good at the moment. Even the nurse entering the room didn't dissipate is feeling, despite all of her bustling about.

The nurse checked him once over from head to toe, and was convinced that he would be fine after one more night. She left, and Severus felt free to check himself out.

He was surprised that there were still no scars on his arms. He took a Charms book from his bag and tried to find some explanation for that strange, but useful, occurrence. After a bit of researching he had to give up; the book had no mention of anything close to what he wanted.

However, one thing was sure. The scars still existed, as he could feel a bit a twinge when he touched the place that he accidentally cut too deep. He figured that it had to be some type of protection spell—a wandless one at that, as he certainly hadn't cast anything. How could he if he didn't even know the spell? Besides he realized that it wasn't exactly the first time it had happened, either. Now that he thought about it, he remembered that when he had gone to check ups at his previous school, he may have had bruising the day before, but the very next day he would appear totally healthy until the examination was over. Quite a useful little defence mechanism, he'd say. He certainly wasn't sorry about the charm, whatever it was. He needed a plan, good one at that.

Severus needed to get away. He knew he hadn't gotten permission to leave the Hospital Wing, but hell with that tigress' opinion, for now. After listening for any sign of someone nearby, he got up and flew from the room. He was feeling smothered with all the attention he had been getting so recently, and he was not that used of being so… remembered. He couldn't think clearly and he just wanted to get away from it all.

He knew better than to run; that was bound to catch notice and that was far from what he wanted. He had learned from experience that if you just walked as if you did any other day, he'd get away without anyone really noticing him.

So that was he did. He wandered down the stairs and finally he reached the front doors. Now away from the castle, he hurried his steps and went to his regular place at the lake. He was glad that hardly anyone knew that he liked it here. The ones that knew he couldn't imagine them telling the teachers.

He sat down beside the stones and immediately closed his eyes. He heard only the slapping of the water against the shore, and he let his thoughts settle back of his mind as he relaxed.

Severus didn't know how long he had been sitting when he had heard a noise from somewhere behind him. He heard faint footsteps coming across the grounds, and came to full alert. He didn't let it on that he was aware of their presence, but pretended that he was still half dozing and watched through lidded eyes. Severus appeared completely relaxed— until he saw the beautiful face of Lily. 'Beautiful? Where did that one come from' he wondered. He raised his eyelids curiously as she sat down beside him. He was flabbergasted when Lily laughed at him, and he became suspicious of her motives. He was almost convinced that she was making fun of him, but as she smiled he tried to convince himself otherwise. He just didn't want to believe that she was that type of person. When she raised her eyebrows in question, Severus just sighed and closed his eyes.

X X X

"So, you made tracks from the hospital wing!" Lily commented as she laughed.

"If you were under that insufferable nurse's wings you would have, too. I just had to get away for a moment. She's so smothering…doesn't even know what personal space means." He answered angrily and snorted. "Wait, how did you know about that?" He wondered aloud.

"Ah, I just happened to go up there, waiting to see you, but all I found was a horrified nurse with a scary gleam in her eyes. You must have given her quite a scare." She pointed out, looking at him significantly.

"There it is—you see why I couldn't do anything else but leave. I could hardly breathe with everyone bothering me with stupid questions. I felt like I had to get a moment's peace in order to make it…just a moment's peace," he said almost pleadingly.

"I have a feeling you're going to pay, what with the way Madam Pomfrey was acting up there. She was quite annoyed at your disappearance was quite annoyed at your disappearance" She told him, smirking at his horrified expression. "I'm happy I'm not in _your _shoes at the moment."

He muttered something incoherent at that.

"I wish I weren't either!" Now both of them laughed at that.

"Honestly, you all right?" She asked, looking concerned, which caused him to once again mumble under his breath.

"Really, I'm fine already! She should have already let me go, if you ask me." She raised her eyebrows at that.

"About what happened…" she started, but Severus rudely interrupted her.

"It was just an accident. I just tripped over something that was on the floor." He said defensively.

"Have you ever read _Hogwart's, A History_?" she questioned him.

"That boring-looking book? I know everything I need to know about Hogwarts without reading some _instruction book_ about it," he told her, shaking his head at her comment. What did that book have to do with anything?

"You should have known that it states that the Dungeons have a charm that prevents any normal stumbling, as its way too dark down there," she informed him briskly as she looked calculatingly at her friend. Said friend in question went pale and swore aloud.

"Merlin! If she's after me, I'd better go back... Who knows what she'll do if I don't go back and soon," he hastily informed Lilly, as his heart pounded in worry over what would happen to him. If it was true about that spell in the Dungeons, then Nichols must have known that he'd lied to him… With whatever it was the girl thought happened earlier… he just didn't want go on with this discussion any longer. Luckily, he had a valid excuse ready for when the confrontation would occur.

Severus began to walk back to the castle, his heart racing once again. Well, that was a nice break, he thought. At least now he knew how he had botched up with Nichols, if nothing else. He was not sure if he wanted to see Lily for a while. Whatever she thought about him now… he didn't even want to know how much she had guessed.

He made his way back to the Hospital Wing, and nearer he got, the slower he went. He had seen the school nurse disappointed with him before, but he could only imagine how angry she was now. He'd take it well; after all, he knew how to calm down certain people, at least adults. A school nurse wouldn't be nearly so harsh at reprimanding as his father would, no matter how hot-blooded she was.

Finally, he reached the Hospital Wing, and in spite of how the look on her face frightened him… he bravely met her glare. She was adult, right? He could trust her to behave, even if only a bit.

He re-entered the Hospital Wing under the nurse's disapproving glare.

To be continued!

_Now, Kendra- the hyper one, shafa and Lily Elizabeth Snape, Thanks for reviewing! Lily, I know what you mean though I admit I didn't want to believe it at first! But I'll be slowly getting my chapters corrected but sure I'll be updating story at the same time! Now I have really qualified beta and she's doing certainly exact job and that should get this story going a bit better. I've been realizing one thing now… I'm going way too slow! The way I've been going now I'll be getting myself in a trap only and I'll try get time going a bit faster from now on! And my betareader blames me too wordy, can you believe it: ) Threatens to call me chatty-catti even, lol I do realize that my style is more on narration but still I should get this story moving a bit quicker but honestly I should be able to do that! Lastly, I'm still sorry for the delay and I hope I still deserve your review ; )_


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